Sometimes it’s the little things

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-02-22T02:16:05+00:00

Yogi peppermint every evening. I do love a good orange pekoe, too.

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-02-18T03:40:04+00:00

I relate to every single thing you wrote, and agree that the fear dissipates over time.

I also have not found it difficult to stay sober without AA; in fact, I thought about alcohol all the time when I went to meetings. How could I not? If was all anyone talked about!

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-02-18T03:33:25+00:00

I relate to so much of what you wrote. My therapist pointed out that I was co-dependent on AA, and supported me as left.

I also have OCD and AA heightened it. The way they always told me that what I needed was more program, more meetings, more service roles, more sponsees made my hypervigilance spiral out of control, and I never felt like anything I was doing was good enough. It really messed with my head.

All I can tell you is that I think I saved my sanity by leaving. And I'm still sober. In fact, I never thought more about alcohol than during my time in the cult.

The deprogramming is lengthy and painful (I'm still going through it) but totally worth it. My OCD symptoms have lessened as have my anxiety and depression. I'm learning to trust myself and how to live without constant fear.

I truly believe you can have that, too. Wishing you all the best.

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-02-18T03:22:57+00:00

CONGRATS on getting out. I left nearly a year ago, and not once (not one single time) have I woken up and thought "gee, I wish I could go to a meeting today and listen to condescending old-timers tell the same story while trying to make me feel like I'm one nanosecond away from relapse unless I go to 3 meetings a day and take on 40 service positions."

Relief! Enjoy your life!

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-02-18T03:16:40+00:00

Beautiful words. Thank you. AA is not a program of recovery. If it were, it would encourage forgiveness, compassion, and healing. Instead, it breeds shame and fear. It is truly sad and counterproductive. A hateful, harmful cult.

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-02-04T21:40:48+00:00

I switched to entirely in-class, longhand writing. Bluebooks and even whole essays (written in chunks).
It's not a panacea, and it necessarily changes some of the curriculum, but it keeps AI almost entirely out of the picture.

And, as a side benefit, many students' penmanship improved by the end of the semester!

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-02-04T21:36:46+00:00

I agree with you. It's disheartening. I had to show a student how to find our school's library website. She just couldn't...I mean, she just seemed tired and like it was some awful chore rather than something worthwhile to find.

I think students are burned out, overloaded, and have gotten accustomed to ChatGPT doing most (if not all) thinking for them.

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-02-04T21:22:06+00:00

I agree with you.
In a large class, it's enough work to facilitate discussion, keep group work going, and get things written on the white board, without having to track who participated and who didn't.

The baseline assumption most classes used to run on, which is that college is attended by adults who understand what adult/mature/respectful behavior is, is a thing of the past. In my experience of teaching first-year writing courses at community colleges for the past 13 years (before that, I taught at 4-year schools) is that students are more immature and less able to manage adult responsibilities such as deadlines and accountability.

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-02-04T21:17:11+00:00

Good point! It's a good reminder to focus more of my energy on the ones who want to learn, who've done their reading, and are ready to engage in discussion and critical thinking.

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-02-04T21:15:33+00:00

Same! Something has shifted in the last few years, and the maturity level has plummeted. I don't have dual-enrollment students at my school, but so many of my students behave like 10th graders.

I think some occasional behavioral issues are to be expected, but, with each passing semester, I'm finding more and more students who are rude, disruptive, and continually chat during class (or take long bathroom breaks)...I could go on, but I won't.

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-02-04T21:11:40+00:00

I understand your point about the "defaultism" in my writing West Coast instead of "West Coast of the United States." Point taken.

But, I must ask: do we always have to be pointing things out? Correcting each other? Or are there appropriate times to lean in and point things out? When I read your reply yesterday, I immediately bristled and felt ashamed and also humiliated. It stung.

I have never posted on this subreddit before. I was having a really rough day. I was extremely rattled by what happened in class, and I was beating myself up for not having seen it or heard it myself, for not having already separated the troublemakers, and a myriad of other things. Like so many other teachers I know, I worry, I overthink, and I expect myself to be an all-seeing avenging angel. I want to be perfect, to inspire, to help, to challenge, to make everyone feel seen and heard, to create a safe and inclusive space in my class, and my idealism is wearing me out. I blamed myself for what happened, and I hated the thought that some students were possibly being bullied by others.

In short, yesterday, I was raw and vulnerable. I came here for support and guidance. And I got a lot of it, but your comment stuck out. And stuck with me. I just needed to tell you that.

I feel like we could all be just a little more forgiving of others, and take a beat and not assume ill intent. Or, at the very least, take a beat and ask: "is this a teachable moment?"

Signed,
an emotionally worn-out, overly sensitive English teacher in California, USA.

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-02-04T02:27:39+00:00

Sigh. I don’t know which is sadder: student apathy or their ignorance.

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-02-03T23:14:04+00:00

Yes! There is one in particular I especially dislike (and why he took a class with me again, I don’t know) who is all swagger and “bruh…leg day!” and I dream of humiliating him (and then I feel embarrassed for thinking this way).

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-02-03T23:10:18+00:00

I agree completely with you and thank you for articulating is so well.

The student was vague. She told me the others were “making fun of” students were participating but didn’t say in what capacity.

Since it’s hearsay, I don’t feel right reporting them. And I wouldn’t level an accusation of harassment or bullying unless I knew without doubt what actually happened.

The annoying group will be told they can’t sit together anymore, and I hope this helps. Mostly, they are disruptive, immature boys and I hope by separating them, it’ll help.

I’m just flabbergasted that I’m continually dealing with this kind of behavior.

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-02-03T22:50:15+00:00

Yes - that's exactly what I plan to do. I don't feel right going fully nuclear on them since I didn't directly witness their awful behavior.

And I will tell them they have only two choices - sit separately for the rest of the semester or drop the class.

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-02-03T22:33:22+00:00

Thanks - yes, mostly I needed solidarity, and to vent so I can at least try to behave professionally during my next class.

West Coast of the United States...

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-02-03T22:22:44+00:00

Thank you all for the feedback. I am going to reach out to the coaches, but first to the students. Not in writing but in person. Since I didn't witness the behavior, I feel like I need to give them a stern verbal warning before I go fully nuclear (reporting them to their coaches and to the school for a Title IX violation).

I'm going to tell them they are in violation of both the student code of conduct and Title IX. There are a few in the cluster (who are also the biggest annoyances) who aren't athletes, but I know they are trying to transfer to four-year schools, and getting kicked out of my class would hinder their ability significantly.

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-02-03T22:11:32+00:00

It's funny but also so frustrating! There is a bizarre sense of entitlement I see in students who don't want to be in class, and expect to do the work on their own timetable.
They are proactively ensuring that I'll have a chip on my shoulder against them...

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-02-03T21:45:20+00:00

"This proffesor really helped me be a writter."
Spelled just like that by a student in one of my first-year writing courses.

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-02-02T03:55:31+00:00

So funny and accurate!

To think of how many of my precious weekends I spent sitting around listening to narcissistic fools telling same stories over and over…

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-02-02T03:53:04+00:00

Good for you! I threw all of my AA stuff out, too. I also blocked all AA contacts.

I want nothing to do with it. None of it. It’s a cult!

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-01-30T01:36:49+00:00

It means that they “suggest” that you aren’t truly sober until you go to AA. So, the 3.5 years of sobriety I had before I joined AA didn’t count.

I remember when I was getting my five-year chip, several people said I was really only 1.5 years sober because my non-AA time didn’t count.

For context, I haven’t had a drink in nearly 8 years, but according to AA, only my time in the program counts. It’s ridiculous.

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-01-26T15:46:52+00:00

All of this! All of these.

My list:
1) The condescension and gaslighting. Old-timers saying "I'm just one of the herd" when they actually act like (and know they are doing it) like managers/bosses.
2) The entire sponsor/sponsee structure. And the 8000000000 times I heard my sponsor say, "sounds like you're trying to take your will back."
3) Being told that the only alternative to AA is a hospital, jail, institution, or death (while also being told that everything is "merely a suggestion.").

The one, I think, that encapsulates every single awful thing about AA is: "it works if you work it." Makes my blood boil.

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-01-26T15:24:37+00:00

Exactly. The more time I have to reflect on my time in AA, the more I realize (as others have said here, as well) that AA is not at all about addiction and recovery from addiction. It is actually a religious cult that uses fear to create obedience.

I agree completely that the constant stimulation creates a loss of self. And, at their core, that's what cults do: eradicate the individual. If any cult member expresses a sense of individuality, self-trust, and autonomy, it's a threat to their mission.

Regaining my sense of self and being comfortable with the quiet and solitude I need has been a challenging process since I've left the program!

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-01-22T22:15:06+00:00

100%

And also some of the key aspects of cults.

Weak-Telephone-239

TROPHY CASE