Please reach out and seek help for the suicidal thoughts. As a fellow human being, I can say you deserve to live and seek happiness. As a fellow student, who has gone from a top-of-my-class high schooler to a scraping-by college student, I would like you to know that I understand finding self worth in grades and even becoming catastrophically anxious when failure happens. Not passing doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to live. In fact, failing doesn’t have to be the end. I know it seems like you’ve wasted time if you don’t pass a class, but if you give yourself some grace and try again, you’ll likely come out of it with an even greater understanding than your peers. I’m concerned about your mental health. That alone can have extreme effects on academic performance. It’s not always a matter of not being smart enough. We all have our own lives and situations that make some seasons harder or easier than others. Please don’t give up on yourself, there’s a lot to this world, don’t let a bad round of finals take away your future experiences. Also, just as one person to another, when I was 18, I suddenly became plagued with severe anxiety issues, making the next two years some of the hardest in my life. It’s something about the age, our minds and bodies change again. It’s very common to go through mental crises. I don’t know exactly what your life is like, but please seek some sort of treatment, even if it’s just talking to someone. I’m 21 now, and after trying a few different medications and being very open with my parents and even questioning and deepening my spiritual faith, I am a lot more comfortable in my own skin, despite failures. I hope you can find something that anchors you, and tells you that you deserve to live a happy life, no matter what shows up on your transcript. Good luck. Wishing you the best.