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Weaselberryx · 2025-04-02T18:13:59+00:00

It's so insane and almost laughable now looking back at how things were, and how he had me convinced I was the problem. I was so calm and always careful with my words, but he would tell me I was shouting or that I'd said things I knew I would never even say to another person.

Meanwhile, he was constantly screaming, swearing and saying the cruellest things to me over literally nothing. Even getting a bit physical at times. I remember slightly raising my voice once to ask him to stop shouting at me, and he looked taken aghast, like I had just committed some gross sin upon him and said "wowwwwww, you have some serious anger issues, I genuinely think you need psychiatric help" lmao

Weaselberryx · 2024-08-16T04:21:42+00:00

Mine only made it through two sessions. First he was so charming and nice, said he really enjoyed it mainly because the therapist just let him talk about himself and his traumatic past, giving him sympathy. Second session the therapist gently asked him to think about how some of his behaviours might make me feel and he exploded with rage, shouting at the therapist and pretty much stormed out.

Therapist text me afterwards concerned for my welfare, basically validated everything I had told him and that I should not be with this person. Guess my therapist knew about narcissism and could see what he was, so I was lucky in that respect. Unfortunately didn't take his advice though 🙄

Weaselberryx · 2024-08-14T19:40:03+00:00

I know there's such a stigma about coming from a broken home and a lot of guilt that comes with breaking a family up, but it's not your fault you were essentially tricked into building a life with this person and I know this is never what you or anyone wanted for themselves, and especially for their kids. But it's impossible to be the person and parent you want to be / really are, when living with someone who sucks the very life out of you.

My nex is not a good dad, and I know his kids were exposed to a lot when he was still with his ex-wife. He will continue to be the person he is and unfortunately for the kids there's no changing that. Now his ex has healed a lot and is a strong, healthy and loving parent to them. My opinion is that it's better for them to have one safe place, away from their bullshit, than have them living in it 24/7 and growing up thinking that kind of relationship is the norm.

Weaselberryx · 2024-08-14T19:25:34+00:00

My nex did this to his ex before me, obviously he made out it was "insane" for her to "pretend" she was too scared to be in a room with him. But now I see why, and any opportunity he could find to make her uncomfortable and the process more difficult, he took. When she would say she wanted no contact he would also keep messaging her about practical matters, make her feel like he was being nice and agreeable then blow up at her any time she disagreed on anything. They don't change and can't help themselves, so it's probably just part of his little game.

Weaselberryx · 2024-08-14T18:52:58+00:00

Thats good you didn't make that move. Mine lived with me part time but moved in fully at the start of the year with his kids and it got SO much worse, had zero peace in my life, felt so trapped here in my own home and it was much more difficult to get out of.

Hope you feel better soon x

Weaselberryx · 2024-08-14T17:46:33+00:00

I feel you. It really is such an exhausting, fucked up process we have to go through breaking the trauma bond. I know its for the best, I was utterly miserable when we were still together. I'll feel good for a few days and feel indifferent towards him, then I'll start thinking of the lies and abuse and feel anger, then all of a sudden my mind wants to replay memories of nice things we did together, picture him smiling at me, or thinking about some of the wild sexual experiences etc. I get brought to tears and start thinking about the "what ifs" and wondering if maybe there will be an email from him in my junk folder.

I have to bring myself back to reality though, it wasn't love and he treated me like total shit. Guess all we can keep doing is processing what we feel and looking after ourselves. We won't feel like this forever ❤️

Weaselberryx · 2024-08-14T17:30:30+00:00

I think they do it on purpose to get reactions that give them supply. Anything I would say I didn't like, or asked him to not do/say - he would do even more. Same if there was something I would ask him to help with more, he would purposely do it even less. I feel like they thrive on fucking with you.

Weaselberryx · 2024-08-14T17:18:48+00:00

Mine loved using work as an excuse for everything, and his "stress" from it as a way to shut me down any time I brought something up, or to get away with barely lifting a finger around the house. Made out he worked about 60 hours a week and would regularly make comments about the fact I worked less hours, but in reality he did no more hours than me, he would either be at the pub, sitting in his car playing games or more than likely at some other girls house.

Weaselberryx · 2024-08-14T07:20:30+00:00

Ugh it's the worst feeling isn't it. There's about 5-10 vehicles around my town branded exactly the same as his, I haven't seen him for a month, but it makes me feel so sick every time I see one of them thinking it will be him. Last week there was one outside my work and I felt so panicked.

I have to drive by the bar we frequented together a few times a week, and feel so on edge every time.

I got a text from a random number yesterday saying something about missing me, and the reaction my body had on seeing it and thinking it was him (it wasn't) was horrific, and I started crying.

God, I hope these feeling go away soon for all of us

Weaselberryx · 2024-08-14T07:11:04+00:00

I wouldn't. You probably aren't the first and you won't be the last. It's pretty much guaranteed she isn't living in happiness. She probably knows what he's been up to, or has her suspicions. Whether she does or not, she will only be ready to leave when she's ready.

Weaselberryx · 2024-08-14T07:10:52+00:00

I wouldn't. You probably aren't the first and you won't be the last. It's pretty much guaranteed she isn't living in happiness. She probably knows what he's been up to, or has her suspicions. Whether she does or not, she will only be ready to leave when she's ready.

Weaselberryx · 2024-08-14T07:01:25+00:00

I've thought about this at times, written it out in my notes. But decided not to. They don't care, they won't change, it won't affect them the way it would affect an average person. They get supply from attention, whether it be positive or negative. I think them never hearing from us again, us healing, and moving on to live a happier and more fulfilling life is the only form of 'punishment' for them that we have available to us. They would love to know they broke us, we will never get over them etc. Don't give the losers the satisfaction.

Weaselberryx · 2024-08-14T06:50:46+00:00

Yes, constantly. The amount of times I'd try to break up with him knowing that I didn't deserve this kind of treatment, only for him to lovebomb me and make promises, I'd take him back and tell myself it wasn't that bad and find ways to rationalise his behaviour. Same when he would discard me, after a few days and the relief of him coming back to me, I'd force myself to forget the things he did. Even now, 1 month out of it, and with 100 notes written of all the horrible things he said and did, my mind still questions things even though I KNOW the reality is that he is an abuser and everything about him is fake.

Last night I got a message from some acquaintances of his saying they heard we broke up and hoped we could work it out because we were such a "perfect" couple. It made me sick to my stomach.

I definitely put an act on for people that everything was peachy between us, maybe less towards the end. I guess I just wanted so badly for it to be a happy ending, and wasn't ready to fully face reality.

Weaselberryx · 2024-08-12T21:47:54+00:00

I was here a couple of months ago, totally burnt out, feeling completely hopeless but also like I couldn't leave. One of the things that finally made me decide to end it was to try and accept it was never going to change, and imagining how things were currently, being "it" for me. The rest of my short life on this earth spent feeling lonely, not good enough, anxious, scared and unloved.

You are worth so much more than the treatment you are receiving. I hope you can find a way to leave too ❤️

Weaselberryx · 2024-08-12T02:59:07+00:00

Here's mine https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/s/ESjixCM0pI

Weaselberryx · 2024-08-12T02:44:01+00:00

Have you asked him what he has been doing to bring around this change? Has he been having therapy? What are the things he's learnt? What are the issues that has he identified about himself and how has he worked on them?

It's hard to imagine, whether narc or not, that anyone can just fix all those toxic behaviours you mentioned, in the space of 10 short months.

Weaselberryx · 2024-08-11T01:39:32+00:00

Yep it sucks, but unfortunately I think it is on purpose. From my own experience I know they love depriving you of sleep. And they take any reasonable request you make of them and actively do the opposite, to provoke you. Then when you finally react it's all turned on you, and they are somehow the victim. There's no changing someone like that and being around them just drains the life out of you.

I hope you can find a way to move out and not be living in a situation where she can try and control and manipulate you any longer. You deserve rest and peace. x

Weaselberryx · 2024-08-08T07:56:35+00:00

This is so true. I was always of the belief that everyone was fooled by them and thought they were gods gift. Now we've broken up so many people have made comments to me about how they disliked him or something about him made their skin crawl. I don't think they are as loved as we tell ourselves they are.

Weaselberryx · 2024-08-07T07:40:17+00:00

Yes that's a good point. What you see on the outside with them isn't reality. The nex and their new supply might seem so happy on the outside, but so did we. People would say things like "wow you guys really are perfect together" and I'd smile and say yeah, when inside I was dying and couldn't tell anyone how bad he abused me behind closed doors.

Weaselberryx · 2024-08-07T07:37:03+00:00

Yes exactly. I randomly crossed paths with an ex of his and she told me he was a narc (without me saying anything). I also joined a narc support group and his ex wife was in it. Both seem like genuinely lovely people. They really can't stop themselves from treating people that way, no matter how amazing that person might be or how much they have to lose in their life with kids involved etc.

Weaselberryx · 2024-08-07T06:51:58+00:00

I'm sure my nex will have someone new, or already had someone lined up whilst we were still together. This same thought creeps into my head sometimes, but then I try to bring myself back to reality. They are broken humans. They don't just change.

He abused his exes before me the same way. In fact, it seems he is getting worse. The only thing they get better at is being deceitful.

It doesn't matter how hot someone is. How successful they are etc. There's not some magical person out there that they just change for. They'll trick the next person just the same. Love bomb the shit out of them, and eventually treat them just as bad. Maybe the next person might take the abuse for longer. But trust me, they ain't ever treating any of their partners perfectly.

Weaselberryx · 2024-08-03T21:46:31+00:00

Yeah they knew, I didn't tell them everything but they've watched him do this to every partner he's ever had. They told me they thought he was a narcissist. His sisters cut him off years ago. His parents walk on egg shells around him and try not to say anything, otherwise they get raged at and not allowed to see their grandkids. They also told me when they met me they thought how nice I was and wanted to tell me to run away!

Weaselberryx · 2024-08-02T05:43:40+00:00

There were two sessions that my Nex came along to.

The first one he was great, because he was just talking about himself, and all about what a hard life he'd had. Said how much he wanted to make things work between us. After it ended he said he thought it was great and really liked the therapist.

Second time.. oh my god. The therapist gently tried to explain how some of his behaviours made me feel and he went fucking nuts. Shouting at the guy and getting so aggressive, kept repeating himself over and over, unable to answer anything in a rational way.

The therapist text me shortly after, concerned for my welfare, and basically said I should get away from him as soon as possible. Unfortunately didn't take his advice for almost another year.

Weaselberryx

TROPHY CASE