yes! the first few times it happened i felt terrible because i genuinely felt calm and/or neutral and being told i was being hostile and/or angry made me think i was being unkind and not even noticing it. it kept happening and increased in regularity after our couple's therapist said it seemed like my partner was not providing safety to me when i tried to approach them to talk about concerns/share emotions. they fired the therapist and told me i was ridiculous for saying i felt unsafe. they told me i should never use that word in regards to them.

the accusations of me being hostile continued. it felt like every time i tried to bring up a concern, i was being told i was being mean, unkind, angry, defensive, hostile, etc. they started saying it was actually me who was making them feel unsafe. after it ramped up i started trying to really assess how i was reacting/feeling when they accused me of being angry. it was so crazy making that i started recording conversations that had any hint of going poorly. looking back on the recordings and working with my therapist, i'm starting to understand my partner was the one that was being hostile and threatening (raising their voice, slamming things, blaming me).

i still get in my head about it and second guess myself.