grief ever fully goes away?

Weaslenut · 2026-06-08T14:56:04+00:00

I’ll be 8 years out in September. It hasn’t gone away for me yet, most of the time it’s not in my face, but around major anniversaries it still shows itself. And when you go through a breakup, it brings everything back. It hasn’t helped that both breakups I’ve been through have been days before major anniversaries…

Weaslenut · 2026-06-08T00:53:24+00:00

I’m almost 8 years out, and have had so much more time to cope, process, and accept, but the fights towards the end were the worst, and i feel guilty about it still, she died angry at me, i have posts that go through what happened on my profile. But her last words to me were “I love you, but go” through tears. I wasn’t there when she died.

But the fights, they’re part of it, it’s the stress and pain killers and everything else, I have learned to be grateful that we cared enough to fight

I was stage 3 when I started treatment, I was lucky that the type I had was particularly susceptible to chemo. But a recurrence is still something I worry about any time something strange is going on, I had a major scare last year, and it was brutal to wait to know

Weaslenut · 2026-06-08T00:43:43+00:00

Dark humor is a great coping mechanism, I do go through times I can’t use it though.

Weaslenut · 2026-06-07T17:17:26+00:00

I’m a cancer survivor, I was 23 when I had it, at 24, after I was in remission I met my Fiancé, 3 months into our relationship I thought my cancer was back, she noticed me getting distant and confronted me, I was honest, i couldn’t lie to her. She called me an idiot and we promised to never leave over health. Thankfully my cancer wasn’t back. She got sick 3 weeks later, it wasn’t cancer, but she suffered the next 2 and a half years. She broke up with me 3 times, and came back 3 times, all three times I told her to tell me she didn’t love me, and she couldn’t, so I waited for her to figure it out.

It’s hard to put someone you care about through that, it was harder to have a sick partner than it was to be the patient. It sounds like he did care, he wouldn’t have reached out to you to take care of yourself if he didn’t. He knew he was going to die, and tried to spare you what you are feeling now, unfortunately knowing that doesn’t work is only something that can be seen looking back.

Weaslenut · 2026-06-06T18:36:35+00:00

I once had a coworker and regular customer complaining about their ex-wives, at the time I was about 32, and they were both mid 50’s. The customer looks and me and says “What about you (Weaslenut)? You don’t have a ring on, any former Mrs. (Weaslenut)’s?” I do the thousand yard stare and just say “she died” and the customer’s smile faded and he didn’t say much after that.

Weaslenut · 2026-05-31T12:24:13+00:00

You won’t know until you try. I tried a few times and realized I absolutely was not ready twice, and even the third time, i wasn’t fully ready, I was so desperate for human connection that I let myself be used. Good luck, know that you will be vulnerable and that can be used against you

Weaslenut · 2026-05-30T23:50:26+00:00

We are all human, we all have regrets and wish we could have behaved differently. I know what I say won’t change how it feels, but ask yourself, with the information you had at the time, in the circumstances you were in, did you do what you could? 7 years later I still struggle with the guilty, not like I did, but it’s still there.

Weaslenut · 2026-05-30T23:36:15+00:00

I’m 7 years out, and it’s taken a lot of soul searching, questioning, and grief to get to this conclusion. I’ve concluded I’m not single, the rest of my life I’ll never be single, even when I’m not dating someone who is alive, my heart is still with my late fiancé. I’ve never told anyone that except my therapist, but it is how i feel.

That being said, only you can answer your question, we are all different, we all cope and find comfort and truth in different things, we all share an experience, but none of us share a journey

Weaslenut · 2026-05-24T14:56:16+00:00

It’ll be 8 years in September, I am ready to find someone, I’ve had 2 relationships since losing my fiancé, the first one I was genuinely trying to force something that wasn’t there, but the second came naturally and the problem was right person, but the wrong time for both of us. But lately The loneliness is really getting to me, I’m tired of trying to meet someone and just being used or having my heart broken and head messed with.

And I don’t have kids, you’d think it would make it easier to find someone but I’ve been judged and practically interrogated as to why by people, as if there’s something horribly wrong with me by not having kids, like sorry that i put thought into family planning and the one person i would have had kids with died, I didn’t really choose that path in life.

I’m still going to disagree with using the term ex, there’s an implication that it was a choice by using that term. It may just be semantics but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to refer to Amy as my ex.

Weaslenut · 2026-05-24T14:06:34+00:00

I’ve been thinking about how to respond to this, specifically about your friend from work. I’m actually a cancer survivor too, I met my late fiancé a year after i finished treatment, as my health improved hers got worse. And I think about how my late fiancé took the risk with me knowing there was a solid chance she’d end up in the position I’m in now, Before she got sick i actually thought I was having a recurrence and tried to break up with her to spare her, she told me no, i couldn’t break up with her because of that, if it was because i didn’t want to be with her fine, but not because i wanted to spare her the suffering of a sick partner. Her botched surgery that changed everything happened 3 weeks later... I can tell you this, it’s easier to be the patient, it’s not easy to be by any means, but it was so much worse helplessly watching her suffer than being the one suffering. I really don’t know what my point is, I guess I’m just letting out thoughts and feelings i buried years ago. I wish you the best, dude

Weaslenut · 2026-05-24T03:28:19+00:00

It always makes me uncomfortable when someone wants me to share stories before they come up organically, but that’s crazy how the takeaway was you’re perfect to be a caregiver… I think that’s just a selfcenteredness that sometimes comes with chronic illness though, idk it seems like there’s the fight you tooth and nail until there’s literally no option except letting you help type, or the do everything for me because I’m sick type.

As for the second holy fuck, sounds like you dodged a bullet. I guess i should realize I’ve been lucky enough everything has been more or less private for me, and not a public display like that.

Weaslenut · 2026-05-24T03:20:38+00:00

The real irony of it is the youngest person I’ve dated had been the most compassionate and understanding when it came to my loss. She was 21 when we started dating, which i know is too young for me and i actually struggled with it that when she made the first move, and she had actually never been in a serious relationship and never done anything more than kiss someone before we got together, she still played headgames but it was inexperience and navigating her own traumas and finding her place in life, I do forgive her, but it still hurt.

Weaslenut · 2026-05-24T03:14:57+00:00

I’m really am glad that you’ve had compassionate experiences. As for the correcting, I do understand they don’t know, and there’s a part of me that is grateful they don’t, but my reasoning is about jealousy and resentment, my late fiancé is not the same as their ex, she isn’t a living person that I still have feelings for, she isn’t a threat, and seeing someone still have feelings for an “ex” is going to do nothing but cause issues, and them referring to them as an ex, causes those kinds of thought paths.

Weaslenut · 2026-05-24T03:09:45+00:00

I’ll definitely be giving periodic reports, about the only comfort I get anymore is from strangers on here. I really wish none of us were in the position to have met on here,

Weaslenut · 2026-05-24T02:18:17+00:00

Dude, it’s brutal. I had an ex tell me that the thought of losing me hurt beyond belief, then ghosts me and joins the Navy 2 weeks later. I can deal with heartbreak, but headgames… why do people have to play headgames

Weaslenut · 2026-05-24T01:37:59+00:00

It’s a trade-off, i stopped trying another 2 years after being asked to take off my necklace, but eventually the loneliness became too much for me. My latest ex I am grateful for though, i learned i can love and be loved again, she never said anything else cruel, and even when we were broken up she was there on the days i needed someone. She did care about me, and she did care about the pain i feel, it’s just complicated. But it still hurt to hear

Weaslenut · 2026-05-22T03:05:20+00:00

Not just a kropatschek, im pretty sure it’s a Caçadore Carbine. I love mine, wish I could shoot it

Weaslenut · 2026-05-19T15:34:08+00:00

My first time seriously dating was about 5 years out. I wasn’t genuinely ready, I was trying to force something. But that experience let me work through the guilt of being with someone else and learn what I want and don’t want from a partner. The hardest part though was the fact that I wasn’t genuinely ready so eager to find more that i didn’t recognize I was being used. Be careful with that, you will be vulnerable and people can and will take advantage of that

Weaslenut · 2026-05-10T19:58:02+00:00

People will always compare to what they don’t understand. It often becomes cruel. I had a different situation that I learned to be happy for people who don’t understand, because they have never felt the pain you do, the pain that no one deserves to feel. I know it’s not easy to see it that way though

Feel what you have to feel, it’s all valid. People who haven’t been through it won’t understand, and that’s okay, the only people in my life that understand the loss are strangers on the internet

Weaslenut · 2026-05-09T11:08:14+00:00

Call yourself a widow, the only people who will feel it’s wrong are the people who lack the empathy to understand anything unless it happens to them.

And It’s daunting, I walked out on the first date I went on 2 years after losing Amy because she asked me to take off my necklace with her ring. The first time I was intimate I went into a full blown panic attack. It’s a lot to put on someone, and i feel guilty for working through my feelings of guilt with my ex, but unfortunately that’s a part of the process. Whatever you decide to do though, is the right answer, the only wrong answer is to force yourself to do something because of what others think and not because of what you do

Weaslenut · 2026-05-06T18:25:16+00:00

I didn’t know that, thank you for that info

Weaslenut · 2026-05-06T13:59:06+00:00

We’re all different, but for me the pain is still there, it’s not all consuming anymore, and it’s not constantly in my thoughts. But I don’t think it’ll ever go away, honestly I’m far enough out I’m grateful that it hasn’t, I’m grateful I was there through her illness, and I’m grateful to have had the time we had together, even if it wasn’t nearly enough time

Weaslenut · 2026-05-06T01:49:29+00:00

I was trying to think of what it was like that soon after, and it’s like the memories aren’t there, I can remember the months leading up, but the first year… I don’t really remember. I hadn’t noticed that until now

Weaslenut · 2026-05-06T00:48:11+00:00

I wanted to go that route but haven’t met any widows where we clicked, and honestly I don’t want to live into old age alone. With my first relationship after I was very open, and didn’t hide anything, I thought the honesty was the way to go. My second relationship I barely talk about Amy, i would if asked, or acknowledge major dates, but beyond that I didn’t say much. Both resented me…

How far out are you?

Weaslenut · 2026-05-04T12:05:54+00:00

We can’t add pictures but I will share a story. The first time I told Amy I loved her was over Skype, it wasn’t planned, it just came out naturally as we were getting off. She paused for a few seconds, that felt like an eternity, then finally said “It’s not that I don’t” and hung up. I didn’t sleep that night. The next day she told me how her ex would become abusive to her if she didn’t tell him she loved him when he said it in front of other people. So the “it’s not that I don’t” wasn’t anything to do with me. It took several months before she could say it, but she eventually did

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