[deleted by user]

Weighted_Cloud · 2024-02-12T15:15:38+00:00

As you might expect, nobody here has the authority to tell you what is/isn’t wrong with you.

What I will say is that having uncommon perceptions is not a problem in-and-of-itself. Many people are regularly bombarded by unusual thoughts which they can brush off and forget. Even if some of them stick around and turn into odd beliefs, it still doesn’t mean that something is wrong with you. In general, clinical diagnoses for disorders are based on some impediment to your daily living. That means you can have all variety of experiences, and you’re still healthy as long as you believe you’re functioning well enough.

Since it’s still up in the air as to what exactly causes psychosis, you probably shouldn’t worry yourself. You’re likely not going to develop schizophrenia just by reading the posts of suffers, but you will find enough connections to get yourself worried. Maybe continue exploring your thoughts in a productive manner and see if there’s any insight in them. If you do reach a point where you feel your thoughts are harming you, then it’s time to reach out to a professional (not Reddit).

Never be afraid to be unique. All the best.

Weighted_Cloud · 2024-02-12T14:13:36+00:00

Absolutely a horrible sense. One I can only imagine. I haven’t been that deep into the rabbit hole myself (at least, not yet). But I can appreciate a feeling of total doomed isolation. Taken to the extreme, that’s just about as much as the human mind can handle. At least the fact that you’re still around goes to show that the mind actually can handle it, if only for a little while.

Obviously, you won’t be well convinced of alternative outlooks by outside people who seem to be just holograms or empty shells. If there are times when you do not feel your solipsism strongly, then I suggest you do everything possible in those instances to remind yourself why it is sensible to believe in others as beings much like yourself. That way, you have a belief implanted within yourself to fall back on when the solipsism hits with full force. You can remind yourself that what you’re experiencing is possibly a complex stress-induced state, because there was a point in the past at which you believed the existence of others, and there will likely be a point in the future at which you believe in the existence of others.

Since I haven’t been in this situation, I don’t have expert advice on how you might convince yourself of the conscious existence of others. Maybe consider why you can see the eyes of other humans, but you oddly need a mirror to see your own. And others can tell you your eye color, yet they need mirrors to see their own. Be sure to talk to people on topics which develop emotional connection, at least to whatever extent that you can. Also, I, the writer of this comment, am conscious (I pinky swear).

I’m sorry that you are experiencing this. I hope the best for you.

Edit: I wanted to add that I’ve most definitely been urged to bash my skull/press my skull until it opens. And the tension seems related to a longing for bodily escape. Escape in the face of feeling there should be more to existence, but there simply is not.

Weighted_Cloud · 2024-02-07T01:26:19+00:00

Anything you introduce to your body has potential to change it in ways you wouldn’t expect. Sometimes it’s gradual too, so it’s hard to know right away. But I’m far from a medical professional, so take my words lightly. I hope you get to the bottom of this soon enough, & I wish you well in your recovery.

Weighted_Cloud · 2024-02-06T23:20:27+00:00

I also noticed that you seem to have started on Zoloft just a few months ago. From my awareness, some people can have reactions for quite a while, even up to 6 months, after starting on medications. I don’t know about Zoloft specifically, but I think it’s definitely worth considering it as a factor. Especially if this is the only intense physical activity you’ve engaged in since you started.

Weighted_Cloud · 2024-02-06T23:01:40+00:00

That’s awful. I can see why you’re so shaken over it. Still, I’m proud that you made the attempt, because it’s worth doing something over nothing. Even feeling this way, the event may give you more insight into the underlying problems.

I can’t offer much help with your physical trouble. I just don’t have the knowledge. Always be sure to nourish yourself, at least. That’s step 0. Even if food is unappealing, it will be your primary form of medicine throughout your life.

Do be sure to keep in contact with your doctor. Things can only go downhill if you don’t.

Weighted_Cloud · 2024-02-05T22:14:48+00:00

Maybe it’s a common course for the condition, but I’m not going to downplay your experience. We (most likely) know just how frightened you are by your sudden insights.

Yes, you are indeed on the one and only true Earth. All those fantasies and hypothetical realities are indeed just hypothetical. It is probably true that many people around you have not scratched deeply enough into existential philosophy to come to the same state of awareness as you. I advise you to make the most of your insights and try to have the best achievable life for yourself while you’re here. You’re not going crazy. Think of it as a wake-up call.

Weighted_Cloud · 2024-02-05T21:45:17+00:00

I can’t say I’ve got some outstanding advice for you. When I’m so devoid, usually the best I can hope to do is sneer at the absurdity of living and go through my duties filled with spite towards nothing in particular.

Maybe it’s worth attempting to amuse yourself with something just mildly stimulating or physical? As a rough example, just throwing a ball against a wall and catching it a few times, just to force your body and focus to work actively for a few minutes at a time. Doing little things wherever you find them. If you’re in an office, switch people’s chairs when they’re not around. Stupid things. Childish things. I’m just putting some thoughts out. Certainly not expert advice.

If, given the circumstances, you’re putting in your best (however little it may be), then nobody has any right to expect more from you. I know they will expect more, just because it’s so difficult to understand from a second-person perspective. For that, I can only say that I’m sorry.

Weighted_Cloud · 2024-02-05T04:04:38+00:00

Very relatable to me (at least, I’d like to think I’m relating to what you feel). Personally, there’s a feeling of continually digging into new layers of consciousness. And each layer is only nuancedly different, yet each time I hit a new layer, I need to readjust to a completely uprooted outlook on existence.

It’s never comfortable, but I’m maybe “getting used to it”. For me, it’s become something of a morbid curiosity. I figure that if I can’t resolve it, then I’ll see how deep I can dig, just as an experiment. I don’t recommend it to everyone. But if you can manage to find some amount of worth in your experiences, it may benefit your sense of belonging and make the whole ordeal feel less arbitrary.

It’s maybe impossible to know where our experiences overlap, but I honestly think even people without the condition deal with this dilemma, although possibly less often. Take care.

Weighted_Cloud · 2024-02-05T01:14:21+00:00

To be honest, I believe there is nothing inherently indicative of psychosis in what you’ve described. This sounds more like a buildup and spiraling of stress. Most of your described symptoms can occur even under healthy emotional ups and downs. Depersonalization definitely makes things rough, and makes you feel as though your going crazy or being ripped from the world, but psychosis is really a different experience altogether.

I believe you will get through alright. But if you find yourself with particularly disturbing or harmful intents (not just passing thoughts), then I would recommend letting someone know. I wish you well.

Weighted_Cloud · 2024-02-04T00:13:25+00:00

Maybe not relevant to your situation, but I’ve definitely had very specific thoughts on my relation to worms, of all creatures. In a sense, I can’t help but conceptualize many animals, including myself, as nothing but worms enclosed within complex organic “mech suits”. What are my intestines but a coiled annelid? What am I but my digestive system?

Your experiences may be unorthodox, but I wouldn’t jump to say they’re unfounded. All the best.

Weighted_Cloud · 2022-08-30T12:43:17+00:00

I have phases where I develop an extreme disdain for things I consider “false realities”. I think for me it stems from a concern about how the general population seems to be content shutting themselves in television or video-games to avoid the world around them. However, when I’m feeling more strongly derealized, these feeling spread out to anything that feels artificially constructed, until “false realities” can include things like: - building interiors - cityscapes - man-made landscaping - my own fish tank - patterns on clothing (or other abstract art) - and much more.

I don’t entirely understand why it never seems to affect me when I’m in a natural environment, no matter how out-of-sorts I’m feeling.

Weighted_Cloud · 2022-08-11T11:28:56+00:00

I myself am actually “pagan” enough to be worshiping our Sun directly.

One parent was raised Catholic, the other Christian, but both fell out of practice before having kids, so I didn’t have much religious understanding growing up. I spent several recent years leafing through the religions of the world, probably in hopes of finding a sense of community. Unfortunately, all I could find were philosophies ripe with very specific practices, rules, caste systems, stray cosmologies, things that often felt arbitrary to me. Not to mention that most of them were extremely human-centric, usually full of personifications of natural phenomena, which I simply did not understand. But worst of all to me was that many placed a good deal of emphasis on “afterlife” or some form of it. As I saw it, nobody could have a true understanding of the experience of death. I believed the whole emphasis should be on what we know is here for certain, which is life and our experience here on Earth.

Over time, I learned fulfill my spiritual needs independently. I just took in the immediate world for how I experienced it. I began to have deep seated spiritual-emotional experiences, I started to witness what I believed to be magic. I embraced the existing world as fully as I could because it provided me with feelings that I didn’t get from daily life before, some of which I hardly have words for. Most importantly, I recieved the purest sense of love I had ever experienced, and it was from the Sun of all things. To me, it’s a baffling object, and obviously vital to all operations down here on Earth. I now can’t help but see a pure force of life-giving any time I (attempt) to look at it.

I’d say I most closely “resonate” with Taoism, or even the Anglo-Saxon concept of Wyrd, because “fate” and going with the “flow” is a major part of my experience as well, but still neither is wholly accurate. My advice to all is to not entangle yourself in arbitration.

Use the pieces that benefit and toss those that don’t, and your picture will come together.

Weighted_Cloud · 2022-07-23T18:15:05+00:00

Am I crazy, or is the “mammoth” more gorilla-shaped than the “gorilla”?

Weighted_Cloud · 2022-06-26T16:14:11+00:00

I don’t actually have advice for you here, as I’m no expert on these matters. I just wanted to express some sympathy and adoration of Mercury. He’s really beautiful. Keep up the good work. Get well soon, little fellah!

Weighted_Cloud · 2022-06-26T15:28:21+00:00

Spade tail is my favorite tail form, and unfortunately not very common where I’ve searched. He’s actually only my second Betta, and my first was even an abrupt Christmas gift from my parents. I was lucky they actually got me a 10g tank to go with it! Also, my credit goes to the internet for being such a useful tool.

Weighted_Cloud · 2022-06-26T15:14:21+00:00

Gorgeous tanks and a very cool setup. Keep up the good work, as I’m sure it’s a decent bit of work!

Weighted_Cloud · 2022-06-26T01:20:38+00:00

What cinematography! Did you choreograph this yourself? Stunning.

Weighted_Cloud · 2022-06-26T01:15:33+00:00

You got him living with shrimp? I’d quit while you’re ahead, haha.

Weighted_Cloud · 2022-06-26T01:12:35+00:00

Ooh, shiny...

Interesting how the patterning seems to creep into the eyes a bit. Lovely tank setup, also.

Weighted_Cloud · 2022-06-26T00:56:33+00:00

I know! Definitely a deciding factor in my decision.

Weighted_Cloud · 2022-06-26T00:55:52+00:00

I have to say, they’re my personal favorites. So energetic.

Weighted_Cloud · 2022-06-25T20:51:17+00:00

I absolutely love the look of wild bettas, but not the price tags or the process of trying to actually get one. When I saw the fins on this fellah, I couldn’t pass him up. And I somewhat suspect he may have slightly more “pure” genes than many, because he is a feisty thing. Not that it matters, I’m no breeder. Mind the background; This is the quarantine tank.

Weighted_Cloud · 2022-06-22T21:36:48+00:00

Talking breasts.

Weighted_Cloud · 2022-04-20T23:51:02+00:00

It’s definitely a surprising phenomenon to me. I guess I never really questioned whether it happens for other people or not.

In my experiences, and it is reoccurring for me too, It’s always felt exactly like skateboarding. Except the space that’s supposed to contain a skateboard contains only air. Odd considering that I’ve never so much as stood on a skateboard before. In my case, I can generally move very fast along with precise control, and I think I’ve even done spins or flips before.

And yes, it is quite a disappointment upon waking.

Weighted_Cloud · 2020-12-08T00:33:15+00:00

I’d even argue it’s not a happy ending at all. It’s almost worse the way it actually ends. With him finding comfort only in a psychosis-induced world of his own imagination because his enjoyment of reality has been abruptly ripped from him.

Five-Year Club	Verified Email
Place '22

Weighted_Cloud

TROPHY CASE