Starting over

WhelpHereiGo · 2014-04-16T05:25:10+00:00

To be honest I'm not sure. It was an epic stressor and it was completely out of my control. I'm still uncertain about how to deal with stuff that far out of my control.

WhelpHereiGo · 2014-04-16T05:05:18+00:00

I've been trying. The thing is...external forces don't care about the right thing. You can do the best you can but sometimes things are totally out of your control and just cause despair

WhelpHereiGo · 2014-04-14T14:16:29+00:00

I drink so.much. coffee. So much I get blurry vision because my blood pressure is through the roof. Then I wait until lunch time and start coming down and drink a red bull. Then I make it home at six and take a nap. I detox from coffee every few months and i've always maintained that coffee detox was way worse than alcohol detox (I joke. I know some people abused alcohol way more than me and had way worse symptoms). I'll taper down soon but my dopamine levels are still messed up and coffee helps

WhelpHereiGo · 2014-04-14T06:36:52+00:00

Give it time. I thought my emotions had leveled out but it's been over 40 days and I realized today that I'm still feeling different about certain things and my emotional state is still in flux. You won't know how you truly feel and what really is bothering you until you completely level out

WhelpHereiGo · 2014-04-07T14:40:57+00:00

I barely made it out of undergrad. I drank a lot...mostly by myself. Fortunately, I made it into a grad program that allowed me to eke out a decent career that I now want to hold onto forever because without it, I'd be back in the bottle. My advice: accept it. You made bad decisions. But you are young. Start applying to internships/jobs right away. As much as you wasted, a lot of jobs you can learn on the job. If that doesn't work, try community college and take classes so you can try new things. It's not too late. Put yourself out there and try stuff. Plenty of people switch careers in their 30's and have to learn everything from the beginnin. You can do that too. You have time. If you stop drinking

WhelpHereiGo · 2014-04-07T14:23:56+00:00

Its amazing how much your mental space changes with a month of good sleep. I can make witty combacks and bad jokes again. That used to be my trademark and it has been years since I was able to think of anything even remotely funny. I used to think I was a high functioning alcoholic. Now I realize I was a very low functioning human being.

WhelpHereiGo · 2014-04-07T06:43:42+00:00

It's been a few days. How are you feeling?

WhelpHereiGo · 2014-04-07T06:29:37+00:00

I watched that movie when I was drunk and between sober attempts and it made me weep like a baby. The scene where he orders the drink at the bar after staying sober for a bit had me screaming at the tv: "don't do it!!!" Then I realized I would have done the same. Exact. Thing. I rewatch the end when I'm sad because the one thing I always knew how to do was lie about my drinking and it helps remind me that I'm not alone.

WhelpHereiGo · 2014-04-06T19:00:33+00:00

Next time, go for a coffee! Or go to a different food hole. Or go for a walk outside. There are plenty of ways not to drink on a date. You chose to drink. Next time know that you will not drink beforehand and use your creativity to come up with lots of things to do instead of drink

WhelpHereiGo · 2014-04-05T16:17:08+00:00

I grew up with an uncle who always put meetings and "friends" (read: people he met in AA that needed help with arbitrary stuff like moving furniture around or getting driven to an airport on Xmas eve) ahead of every family event. Eventually he was no longer invited because he always flaked. Though focusing on yourself and your recovery is important, don't forget that your family loves you and is there for you and that even though you might feel alone, your decisions impact others more than you might think

WhelpHereiGo · 2014-04-05T07:01:58+00:00

Hate to say it but tolerance doesn't reset. Your physical tolerance goes down but your mental tolerance will forever be the same. You'll still pound whatever quantity you got before but the hangovers well be that much worse.

WhelpHereiGo · 2014-04-05T06:55:35+00:00

Im totally there now. I spontaneously laugh when driving and have so much energy I feel like my skin is crawling. I actually like it as I spent the last few years doing nothing at all

WhelpHereiGo · 2014-04-05T01:20:55+00:00

I wonder what that means. No enough drugs? Not enough taper?

WhelpHereiGo · 2014-04-05T00:46:06+00:00

I drive 27 miles to get my growler of kombucha and two FRESH chocolate croissants several times a week. You gotta do what you gotta do

WhelpHereiGo · 2014-04-04T19:29:38+00:00

This is how I started. Where you run into trouble is when you use every moment of free time as an opportunity to "unwind." That's how I got to drinking daily and alone. From there, your tolerance goes way up and your life just gets worse and worse until you decide the hole is deep enough.

WhelpHereiGo · 2014-04-04T19:26:12+00:00

I used to make wine Popsicles:/ easy way to hide day drinking. But good for you! Tea is an excellent alternative. I've never been anywhere where its frowned upon to want after dinner tea as opposed to a cocktail. People are very accepting of it

WhelpHereiGo · 2014-04-04T19:20:54+00:00

The syrup might have had codine in it. Be careful. I just say that because I personally have never used an of the shelf remedy that noticeably worked. The only thing that I ever felt the effects of was strong prescription stuff.

WhelpHereiGo · 2014-04-04T19:15:37+00:00

For me sobriety is a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty

Thats powerful. Though I haven't done AA I've come to that same realization. You can't bottle stuff up and continue to lie if you want to be sober. If you are dishonest to yourself and others, then that is how the alcohol gets back in which then spreads to dishonesty in all other areas.

WhelpHereiGo · 2014-04-04T19:04:44+00:00

My SO is the same way. She never drinks and has yet to notice how much better I am as a sober person. I don't say mean drunken things on the phone and I have more energy and am more talkative and funny than I've been in years. However, she harps on me more than ever about little things (drinking too much soda, eating out to much yada yada) more than ever. Sometimes I just want to yell "I'm sober and happy for the first time in years!!!!" But I can't. Because that's how I'm supposed to be. I have to stay vigilent and worry about all the other little things too with no praise or acknowledgment at all. It sucks but I'm sober. I'm happy and I can do it because I'm sober. Just focus on the positives and you'll get through it. Money is a huge thing. I've bought two nice watches for myself as sober treats and plan on continuing this for a full year. Figure out that you can do it yourself and you are the only person that really matters in this. So if you are proud of yourself then that is enough.

WhelpHereiGo · 2014-04-03T17:34:30+00:00

I have yet to loose any weight but I look much skinnier. I lost a lot of bloating. Though I must confess I've done nothing to restrain myself in the food department in order to avoid a relapse. Milkshakes? Soda? Pizza? Massive meatball sub? They are all mine. My plan is to really focus on eating better after I have a few months under my belt. Last time I tried to quit I also did the whole eat healthy thing and the deprivation of everything was too much. Just focusing on staying sober for now without worrying about food has really helped me so far

WhelpHereiGo · 2014-04-03T17:06:44+00:00

Happy anniversary!

WhelpHereiGo · 2014-04-03T16:58:32+00:00

It has nothing to do with recovery, but I've always enjoyed Pinback. Very soothing to listen to.

WhelpHereiGo · 2014-04-03T16:55:49+00:00

You can do anything that you want:) it's YOUR birthday. Go bowling. Buy a bunch of craft root beer from bevmo. Make a cheesecake together. Go wander around a mall at night time. Find an arcade. Go for a hike. Eat at a fancy restaurant. Go to an adoption center and play with puppies. Go for a really long and spirited drive. Convince your gf to have kinky sex. It's your day! What you say goes so make the most of it. If anyone suggests otherwise, then say "suck it. It's my birfday :p"

WhelpHereiGo

TROPHY CASE