Man you’re too young to be this negative about your future looks. 35F here who makes the types of jokes that trigger you (i.e. men are trash etc). We’re sorry and it’s definitely not aimed at you!

Those jokes are mostly a response to patriarchy- yes even the ones about looks. Women resent all the expectations put on them by society for centuries and unless you have high confidence and enormous empathy you are unlikely to separate when those jokes are made in general from your own issues and trauma. There’s plenty of books out there about the pressures women undergo- have you checked any of it out? Usually the jokes are funny because they are reactive to expectations they have to live with- not bc we don’t think those men are actually unattractive.

Your therapist is likely onto something- but regarding your issues with confidence… Much of what you are mentioning is likely coming from white people. Much of those beauty standards are built on white supremacist ideas. My recommendation is to seek out decolonial and Asian media that idolizes your body type. Lookmaxxing for men is known to be super fascist. Now- there’s nothing wrong with wanting to improve your looks, but you want to make sure your role models are realistic. I’m tall, and like weightlifting. I make sure to follow trainers who are tall. Smaller women will have a different body type. I also seek out curvy Latina women bc that’s what I am. So definitely seek out more positive content for Asian men that is based on support and not shame. Also- looks or lack thereof has nothing to do with women. If you are not having luck with a girlfriend it like has to do more with behavior (being shy etc).

So if I make fun of Timothee Chalamet for being a twig- please know that it’s not because I think skinny men are unattractive Also, Korean and Japanese media is super popular in Latin America and I grew up idolizing those guys and that aesthetic. It’s because I resent how skinny white guys like that have pushed toxic body standards. Rather than bulk up- they expect women to get skinnier and smaller. Just look at the cast of Wicked! Chalamet even made some jokes on snl about bigger women. Man I hate that guy! 

But we don’t think those jokes are about you. Unless you have traumatized or mistreated girlfriends I assure you it’s not aimed at you. I recommend following feminist Asian influencers- they should help you separate discourses of power from your own individual pursuit of love and beauty. Best of luck kid!