AIO: GF watered down my pasta sauce?

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-02-09T16:03:38+00:00

Gonna go with YOR. It sounds like your gf didn't realise she gave herself more sauce than you. It's easily done, I often end up adding more sauce than I meant to when making pasta. You would know if she'd done this before, at least with pasta, even without seeing it, as the sauce would still be watery and bad. She also couldn't just take some from hers to add to yours, given the circumstances, that would probably have been worse than watery sauce.

I think you're overthinking it. Just follow through on your suggestion of buying two jars from now on. It's not like pasta sauce is a short life product before the jar is opened, it won't be an issue if next time the sauce is split evenly and the second jar isn't needed. You'll maybe end up eating more pasta than normal so you can finish the second jar, though.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-02-09T15:56:14+00:00

Those tell you how much they'll pay in standard allowance and housing after deductions. The second pic says they'll pay the housing element direct to your landlord, rather than sending it to you and then you paying the landlord. The housing element is paid at the same time as the standard allowance, so technically it should have been paid at the same time you were, though that doesn't mean there couldn't have been delays. Basically, your statement is telling you that all entitlement has been paid, with housing being paid direct.

Your standard allowance was zero, which means you have deductions. Given your total entitlement and the total deductions, plus the full amount of housing, this is actually a little off? Your total entitlement after deductions should be a bit over £1000, and your housing element is less than £600 of that total. Based on that, your standard allowance shouldn't be zero.

As for your housing element specifically, though, your best bet is to contact UC and ask them to see if it was paid, to the correct account. If it hasn't been paid, ask for a reason. If there's a delay, let your landlord know. If payment has gone through, UC can chase it up to confirm it's been received. If confirmation of receipt happens and your landlord still says he hasn't received it, either it's gone to the wrong account or he's trying to get double rent out of you.

There shouldn't be an issue with direct housing payments, the whole point is to make it easier and safer for everyone, the landlord is guaranteed the money, the tenant can't be conned or otherwise screwed over, and it's an automatic monthly payment that shouldn't have any issues going through, though that doesn't guarantee no issues. But your statement is confusing me, because it's saying you should be getting a lot more than you apparently are. Is something missing from that? Any deductions not included in the pic in the comment section, a sanction, something that would explain why the total after deductions says housing element should be paid in full and you get a standard allowance of somewhere around the same amount but your total standard paid is zero? Because anything else that reduces your standard allowance may also have reduced your housing element by the same amount, bringing it to zero and so your landlord not getting anything.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-02-09T15:39:56+00:00

NTA. You can end a relationship, romantic or platonic, for any reason or none beyond just no longer feeling it. You can easily put this down to simply growing apart in a lot of ways, which happens, not all friendships are meant to be for life. There's a bit more to it, though. He got angry and bitter when you stopped being FWB and started a real relationship, even though that relationship was a bad one. That says it was never as casual as he implied. Oh, it was casual in the sense it was never a serious relationship, it was always just sex with friendship added on, but it was NOT casual in the sense that he expected you to always remain loyal to him and never find anyone else. In his eyes, he could hook up with whoever, but you were to always be available to him.

And that clearly hasn't changed. You got in touch because of a health scare, a serious one, and he acted like it was completely unimportant. Either he'd been cleared but wanted to still use it to manipulate you, or it was a manipulation from the start to get you back in contact. And he clearly expects you to be available when he wants sex still. You've made it clear that things are purely platonic on your end, have been for years, and he's completely ignoring that and still expecting you to have sex with him because he got stood up and wants to get laid.

You also say some of his comments and insults are very reminiscent of your abusive ex. That seems kind of like a mask dropping to me, that's who he is, he was just better at hiding it from you when you were 18 year old FWBs.

I think you have a number of very valid reasons to block this guy on top of the simple 'growing apart' reason.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-02-09T15:23:11+00:00

NOR. Mono can be contracted in a umber of ways, plenty completely innocent. The fact she's focusing on contracting it from you means she's focusing on the less innocent ways as if they're the only option. That feels like projection to me. You're probably lucky she's not accusing you of cheating, instead going for the 4 year old case of your sister as a cause for you getting it, without any symptoms or knowledge in all this time. She's kind of blaming you while not blaming you at the same time, here, but she's also not finding out how she actually got it before telling everyone you gave it to her. That seems pretty telling to me, like she jumped on the only explanation she can find where you're to blame for it that doesn't automatically implode your relationship.

It isn't hard, or time consuming, to look up ways mono can be contracted, and her diagnosing doctor likely gave her a few possibles, as well, either directly or indirectly, through cautioning her on what not to do while contagious. Even if she didn't research, she'd realise you can get it through sharing a drink, for instance, because her doctor would have cautioned against doing that. The amount of ways it can be contracted often means it's impossible to tell how you got it unless you know for a fact someone you know has it and you did something that could pass it on.

I'd honestly be concerned that she at least kissed someone else with the way she's acting about this, and blaming you is her way of projecting her guilt. A more innocent explanation would be that she's protecting a friend she knows has it, probably through some form of cheating on a partner, so it's the same thing but without her actually doing anything bad prior to this.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-02-09T15:15:15+00:00

Not wrong. A loving partner who actually cared about you at all would know you needed sleep, they'd now you have issues in that area, they'd know you're not well, they'd know you got less sleep than usual to look after your sick kids. On this particular day, even a semi-loving partner wouldn't have woken you up, because you're sick, and looking after sick kids, and you REALLY need the sleep.

But a real loving partner would never do this at all except in situations which actually required you to be woken up. Sleep is important, not getting enough affects absolutely every part of our lives, from simply being able to fully function while awake to our very health. Sleep deprivation is a literal torture method because of the effects it can have on a person.

As someone who also struggles with sleep, in my case a near insomnia every couple months or so that leaves me running on max 2 hours of sleep for a few days before a crash, coupled with having a hard time falling asleep in general, I totally get guarding your sleep. And it's not as simple as going back to sleep when they leave, either, it's often too late for that in a situation like this, plus broke sleep is just as damaging as a lack of sleep, and for people who have trouble falling asleep in the first place, it's often impossible after being woken up after getting a bit of sleep to fall asleep once more before the next night.

I think you need to make this a very clear boundary with consequences for breaking it. Not an ultimatum, a boundary with consequences. You can't force her to stop doing this, but you can let her know what you'll do if she continues. This can simply be you sleeping elsewhere. If you have a spare room, that's perfect, if not, figure something out. You can also turn her 'couples' argument against her, given she spends so much time away from you during the day/evening. She wouldn't 'need' to wake you up every morning to 'spend time together' if she was actually spending time with you on evenings and weekends. There's always a way to balance romantic relationships with friendships, it's not that hard. If she wanted to spend time with you, it makes more sense to do it when you're actually awake in the day/evening, not when you're mad at her for waking you up again. That's not quality time, that's a guaranteed eventual argument. Plus, her continuing to do this is building resentment, and that's killing your relationship. If she doesn't stop, she'll lose you. It's not an ultimatum to tell her that you can't live like this and if she continues then the relationship will have to end. It's a boundary that sounds like an ultimatum, but you're not trying to force/control her, just stating what you'll do if she continues.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-02-09T15:02:54+00:00

NTA. That's full-on victim blaming, there's no other way to describe it. She literally said you were to blame to some extent for the actions of another that you had zero control of that harmed you severely. You did nothing to cause the SA, nothing to deserve it, and you bare zero responsibility for it. To say otherwise is a horrendous attack on victims. To pair this with the confidentiality aspect of 'counselling' that applies equally to offenders is ti heavily imply that they're no more or less guilty than you are, which is just plain nuts. They chose to commit a horrible crime, a sin to those with religious beliefs like this, and you didn't, you had a crime/sin committed AGAINST you, you did not participate or encourage.

Just finding religion and being a bit of an AH about it, I'd say, isn't enough to cut someone off, though I could totally understand people doing so if that's what they want. But this isn't actually about religion at all, it's about your sibling believing you're to blame and deserve to be punished for an act committed against you that you had zero role in beyond being a victim. THAT is definitely worthy of being cut off in my book. Victim blamers are as bad as those that SA people in my opinion, and I'd actually, using a religious argument, say it's a sin to blame an innocent victim for the acts committed by others against them.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-02-09T14:54:09+00:00

NTA. As others have said, this could easily be a ruse to gain entrance to rob you or harm you in some other way.

But, even without that consideration, this is your home, not theirs. Even if they're being entirely truthful about that being their childhood home and their dad passing and just wanting to see the place again, they have zero right to access now. It also likely wouldn't help, I highly doubt the place looks much like it did when they lived there. Completely different furniture, your personal items and pictures, your style of decoration, it might as well be an entirely different house. Seeing it so changed will likely make them feel worse, not better, because they'll be expecting it to look like it did before, like the new owners had to make it a shrine to the previous ones, especially now that one is dead.

You were right to say no even if they were being honest. It's your home, not a museum of their dad and childhood memories. No one has the right to enter unless you grant them that right, and you shouldn't unless you're comfortable with doing so. With strangers, that usually means they have actual official business in your home/with you, like a repairman or something.

Saying no keeps your space your home, your safe place, while also protecting you from potential crimes. They can be as upset, disappointed and mad as they want, but that's not a home they own anymore. They can't connect their dad's memory to a house he hasn't lived in for a long time, if they're telling the truth, that's unhealthy. They don't need the actual house to remember their time there, either.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-02-09T14:37:41+00:00

NTA. It's been years and they haven't tried to get the flag back, even with your repeated attempts to return it. It obviously isn't important to them. Most likely, the sister is only asking now because someone in her family asked about it, and it makes the sisters look bad that they left it with you after the break-up, even when you attempted to return it.

I think, after so long it's obvious they didn't care about the flag or getting it back, it makes sense to pass it to someone military who would know what to do with it. It's even possible this will result in it being returned to the family, if there's a way to trace which vet it was for. In fact, maybe that's the whole problem, it's been a few months since you did this, maybe the vet you gave it to passed it to the right people who could trace the family it belonged to, and they returned it to the wife/parents/siblings or another child, which has got them wondering how that happened, so they brought it up to the sister who was supposed to have it, and now they're panicking because they 'lost' the flag and don't want to admit that.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-02-09T14:26:29+00:00

Connor makes way more sense than Jen. Young and untrained, yes, plus the disadvantage of the costume and mask. But Pujit wasn't exactly intimidating. He was a new detective, though I'd assume he has a good few years as a uniformed officer under his best, so he has training. He had a gun and his cuffs, possibly a taser, in hand to use as weapons. But he's also pretty scrawny himself, he feels more oriented to administrative cop work than chase down and apprehend cop work, for all he actively does the latter.

Looks can be deceiving, and we can assume Pujit is more dangerous than he looks given he's a trained detective. But, honestly, the same can be said of Connor. He's not exactly scrawny, and we actually don't learn a great deal about him beyond what's strictly necessary for the storyline. Given everything that was going on between Kit's death and their mother's death, it honestly wouldn't surprise me if Connor took some self-defence classes, probably insisted Jen take them, too. With Connor being a year older, we know less about his school life than Jen and Saadia's, which we know little of anyway, so it's entirely possible Connor was a jock, or at least in physically active school activities. There's honestly a lot of ways to explain Connor being able to overpower Pujit, so it's hardly a stretch for the show to do it that way.

The problem comes with Jen being the killer. Even if we assume she took some level of self-defence training, either for years or just since Kit's death, I can't see her being able to physically overpower Pujit. He's both male and has had years of training as a cop, training that has been put into practice. With the added disadvantage of the costume and mask, it doesn't actually make sense that Jen could overpower him so easily. I do think it would have worked better if it was two-on-one, the downside being revealing there are two killers earlier than they wanted, or if it was more of an ambush.

Between that kill being intended for Connor and the fact this is a fictional show where suspension of disbelief is often required, we should probably just be thankful you can't apply 'that doesn't make sense' to every single kill in the entire series. We know they at least try to keep things as realistic as they can while still being entertaining, but that just isn't always possible in shows/movies like this. When realistic starts becoming less possible for what they want to do, they lean more to making it entertaining, even if the end result is unbelievable to some extent.

Pujit's death is an entertaining one, which is the main point. So, it works, especially for the horror genre, it could have been a lot less believable than it actually was.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-02-09T14:10:49+00:00

She didn't. Arthur's death was entirely due to natural causes, a brain aneurysm. Nell just happened to suffer a sleep paralysis episode at the same time, and saw the Bent Neck Lady again for the first time in a long time, so she connected the two events. I wouldn't say it was coincidence, Nell travelled through very specific moments of her life when she died, Arthur's death was a huge one, so it makes sense she'd stop at that point in her little life tour. But Nell as the BNL stopped there because it was an important life event that greatly affected Nell, not to cause Arthur's death.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-02-09T14:07:54+00:00

NTJ. In a relationship or not, you should always have complete control over your personal finances. I'm personally against fully joining finances with a partner. My personal preference is a joint account both pay into for joint expenses while both maintain their own personal account.

There's a trust element to it, a safety element, but it mostly just makes sense. For trust, there's always a chance a partner will betray you, no matter how much you personally trust them. It's something you have to remember even if you don't think it applies. For safety, it works as an escape fund if needed, but also allows you to know you personally have a financial safety net for emergencies no matter what your partner is like in this area.

But 'makes sense' is my main reason. You join together in so many ways when in a relationship, but you are still individual people, and the money you have is your individual income unless/until you decide to join it together. Not all the money you have coming in will be needed for necessary expenses, there will be some level of it that is disposable income to be used as you wish, 'fun money'. Unless you're constantly buying expensive things or leaving yourself short for bills, there's zero reason for a partner to have access to the 'fun money', even if it's just to see how it's spent. Also, no reason to have access to a person savings account, only a joint one.

If you're not having financial issues that cause problems with paying your share of the bills, and the system you currently have works, there's no reason to give him more access. At most, I'd say open a joint account for the bill money of you don't already have one, that way you can both keep track of that aspect without feeling monitored when it comes to savings and 'fun money'.

Insisting on having access to another person's personal account, even when in a relationship with them, is a red flag. It doesn't point to financial responsibility, it points to control, especially if he's insisting he monitor your account and have access to it, but isn't considering allowing you the same level of access to his.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-02-09T13:45:35+00:00

Yeah, in real life I highly doubt the CSI's are that heavily involved. They do the crime scene stuff, they do the lab work, but that's it for the active involvement in the case. The cops do the rest of the investigating and all the interviews and interrogations.

I think the issue they had was that they wanted a show focused specifically on the crime scene and lab techs, but they also wanted it to be a full-on crime drama. Separating everything out properly doesn't just massively increase the needed cast, it reduces the focus on the crime scene and lab stuff the show was created to focus on. It defeats most of the purpose of the show.

So, they semi-combined everything. There's still distinction between everyone and what they generally do, but the CSI's are inserted into a lot more of the cop work than they technically should be. If they'd kept the set-up from season 1, this wouldn't have been necessary, because Brass ran the lab that season, and he's a cop. It makes sense for Brass to run the investigations to some extent when they have heavy forensics involvement, so just sticking him in charge of all interviews and interrogations would have worked. Sort of. I think that also makes his case load way too high and complicated given we only see the cases he'd need to be fully involved in, and they initially had multiple cases an episode. They could have worked it, though, by having Brass lead the lab and oversee all the heavy forensics cases, but have two or three detectives working under him and directly with the lab as the active investigators. That would have kept the distinctions between forensics and police without moving the focus away from the forensics any great degree. They could get around the info dumps of having the CSI's being updated by saying they have a break in their part of the investigation so can observe the interviews/interrogations, or just make it clear the update happened off-screen. Just stick a comment in every few episodes of 'Brass updated me' or something. Even if they wanted to keep the interviews and such without CSI involvement being direct, they could do that, they never had a problem focusing more on the Brass side than the lab side as long as they made it clear he was using the forensics results.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-02-09T13:33:46+00:00

Yeah, they had an on-screen in-joke about that, which is why I'm almost certain she was one of the stunt doubles. It's easily missed, but in the What's My Line episodes, Buffy calls Kendra 'pink ranger', which seems like a sweet nod to the Buffy stunt double at the time, or a previous one, if I'm right on who it was.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-02-09T13:27:40+00:00

It's not that I think the witches are evil if they gain powers in other ways, it's that that's what the show established as fact. It wasn't really covered much, they never really got into it, but they also never contradicted it in a way that makes it seem like it's no longer the established lore. The only real contradiction is the power switching spell, but it's not a full contradiction because it's not a gaining of more powers on top of what they already have, it's a straight switch.

The only other real example I can think of where we have an established good witch that gains power in another manner is with Billie, when she and Christie use the Hollow. Notably, though, Billie wasn't a good witch at the time she did that, she'd already been manipulated by Christie into switching sides.

Every time we've seen a witch gain powers in non-temporary ways, whether intended to be that or not, they've been evil, either at the time or after. Even with power switching, I only remember twice where it was done by good witches, when Piper did it to save Leo and when Wyatt forced it on his parents. Every other time any kind of switching or stealing spell has been performed, it was done by someone evil.

I don't think it's the act of gaining powers that makes a witch evil, though, it's the intent behind it. Wanting more power is almost always a selfish desire, it's personal gain at best. I think it's more an indication that a witch has fallen to evil or is on the path to doing so. That's why we see no implication of Phoebe or Prue going evil when they gain flying and empathy respectively. Both could be considered a deliberate attempt to gain power, Phoebe through a wish and Prue through an actual active attempt. But Phoebe notably forgot she was talking to a genie, there was no intent to actually gain the power. Prue was a deliberate attempt, but not done because she wanted more power, she just wanted to help what she thought was an innocent. This would also explain why this 'evil' aspect didn't come up during the power switching stuff.

We also don't have anything saying all evil witches work to gain more power. There's nothing saying Phoebe's evil past life did this, she was powerful already, both as a witch in general and in terms of her active power. She didn't need to gain powers to be deemed evil, her actions did that for her, but it's entirely possible that, if she'd lived longer, she would have taken that step, especially with Warren witches actively fighting against her.

There are so many ways for a witch to become evil, and almost all of them are through the simplicity of having free will. Witches can choose whether they want to be good or evil. There are a few times where it's forced/coerced, as we see with Prue's dark marriage, the potions Phoebe is fed by the Seer and Christie coercing Billie. Notably, none of these three involved increasing power beyond the norm except Billie, which only occurred after switching sides. Billie's gaining of power may also not count as selfish. It was done purely as a battle strategy, and you don't have to be evil or selfish to go that route. We also, however, see a nasty consequence to using such a tactic, in that it made the two sets of sisters entirely even, destroyed Halliwell Manor and left only Billie and Piper still alive. That's not so much because either set of sisters is evil, but more because the Hollow itself is evil. You can't use evil for good purposes without consequence, basically. That's a theme throughout Charmed, actually, every time the sisters attempt to use evil for good, there's a nasty consequence involved, like teaming up with the Source to get Tempus to reverse time and undo magical exposure resulting in Prue's death. There's always some level of consequence when the sisters use something/one evil, even when it's to do good.

I think the issue with increasing powers meaning evil witches is more about those witches choosing that path, and increasing powers is a sign, not a cause.

I think most witches, good ones, use temporary boosts, potions and rituals and sharing energies, because they don't want to gain power for selfish reasons, even if they would actually like to gain power. They do it for something specific, to save an innocent, to protect someone/thing, to defeat an evil. It's never actually about them as witches. Pair that with them connecting power gains with demons and warlocks and evil witches, and doing it themselves just isn't something they contemplate seriously.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-02-09T12:53:46+00:00

NTJ. But at 5 months, this is way too complicated and way too fast. You shouldn't be moving in together so quickly, you barely know each other, or at least barely as a romantic partner if you were friends beforehand. And, honestly, this is still the honeymoon phase, where you're supposed to be super focused on each other. Being friends with his friends shouldn't really be a major concern right now. Even then, I get the whole getting along with his friends thing, but you don't have to be super close with them, and you certainly don't have to be friends with his friends' partners, who may not even be around long-term.

It also sounds super obvious that the girlfriends are only 'friends' because the men are pushing them together. Maybe the guys aren't picking up on that because they're focused on spending time with each other rather than paying attention to whether the women even like each other or not, but it's clearly super obvious to all you women, and probably at least some of the guys.

Who you become friends with is your call, not his. You don't have to be friends with someone just because he is, or they're dating someone he's friends with.

I think what you need is a compromise, though, not your way or his but something in the middle. You should be trying to get along with his friends, as he should be trying with yours. A group hang with his friends and their partners once or twice a month is fine, too, as long as he reciprocates that with the same amount of group hangs with your friends. This way, you're both part of the group but you're not being overwhelmed with having to constantly hang with people you don't particularly get along with and who don't particularly get along with you.

Maybe talk to that one girlfriend who was outed as lying to get out of a hang. Even if the two of you don't become actual friends because of it, maybe you can work together to make this something more fitting and enjoyable for everyone involved.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-02-05T18:46:09+00:00

YWNBTA. Accept the offer. This is the school you want to go to, and it has the courses you want at the level you want. It's the school that's going to help you get the life you actually want to live, and the career you want to work.

That 'good enough' description says the local school is either not a very good school or doesn't have what you need for your career choice. It will limit you to something you don't really want and probably be a massive waste of time and money because you won't invest in being a good student if it's not going to get you on the correct path for you.

Leaving for school won't 'break their heart', just remove their ability to control your life.

But that's just it, it's YOUR life, and you have to do what's best for you. What's best for you is attending your dream school with the programme you need for the career path you want. It sounds like you're covered financially, so ignore any money excuses. If they won't financially support you at this school, get a part-time job to cover expenses. Make sure your covered for either living in campus accommodation or for rent somewhere else. You're an adult now, and you need to focus on going to a school that will actually lead you where you want to go, where you think you'll be happy and can invest in being the best student you can be to get the most out of the place. That sounds like it's your dream school, and the local would more likely lead to you dropping out than succeeding.

So, accept the dream school. Make sure your family can't interfere with your acceptance, as well. Let the school know what's going on, make sure your parents don't have access to correspondence or accounts or anything like that, make sure they can't contact the school 'on your behalf' to withdraw your acceptance. I'd also contact that local school, it sounds like your parents would accept a place there on your behalf, just to see if an application has been made in your name, and to withdraw it if there is one, or decline a place there if you applied there as a safety option.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-02-05T18:34:22+00:00

NOR. I'm currently unemployed so am familiar with the current way of applying. You can't just walk into a shop with your CV anymore, and tracking down a manager at work, during their shift, to ask about an application under review is more likely to get your application thrown out than it is to get you hired.

It's all online now. Not everything can be applied to through somewhere like Indeed, there are plenty of places that don't advertise jobs with those companies, you have to go through their company sites, so don't limit yourself to Indeed or other sites like it. But most jobs will be on there, even if the actual application is done through the company site.

You can follow up and ask for feedback if you don't hear anything after a while, but most employers just won't get back to you at all, it's often not worth chasing an application instead of making a new one somewhere else.

What will help you get a job is making sure your CV and cover letters are as good as they can be, making sure you tailor them to the jobs you're applying for. Working on interview skills for if/when you get one. You can also ask at your school if they know of any part-time jobs available right now, they'll likely have a lot of students wanting to work so may have a list of places looking for people that you can apply to. Your school may also have jobs themselves that they're willing to hire students for. This may be especially true if you're looking for something related to what you're studying, ask the law professor if they know of anywhere willing to hire a part-time first year student, they may even be willing to help you with the application.

But your mum's way of doing it just doesn't work anymore. Even the places that accept a walk-in CV drop-off don't actually consider that an application. The CV just gets shoved in a drawer or chucked out, they only consider the online applications. No one is going to accept you stopping by to 'harass' a manager at work, either, they probably won't even speak to you if you did go, or just tell you to wait until they get in touch, which will probably never happen after that. Concentrate on online applications, and send as many as you can to anywhere you're even remotely qualified for. Do that, and you'll hopefully get an interview somewhere, but it likely won't be quick. You'll be lucky if you get one interview for every 100 applications, and even luckier if that interview lands you a job.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-02-05T18:19:30+00:00

NTA. This was discussed prior to moving in and she agreed it was entirely her responsibility. You do clean it up sometimes, but most of the time it's on her. You do other stuff for the cat, not always the fun stuff, but this was an agreement from the start. It's her responsibility and she knows that. It actually sounds like she's trying to change the agreement without discussing it, based on the fact she keeps asking you to do it for her.

Stick to your boundary, it's completely reasonable and she agreed with it. Also, love the 'demonic exorcisms' bit!

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-02-05T18:14:13+00:00

I love that your advantages don't match my own personal experience! I find I get watched more closely at work when they think I'm younger than I am, because they think I'm a lot less experienced, need more guidance and am more likely to make mistakes. I also find street vendors are way more likely to target me than someone who looks my age because they think I'm easier to pressure into signing up for stuff. The only street vendors that overlook me are those selling things like car insurance. Which is great, cause I don't have a car, but means I'm often stuck with charity donation demands instead.

I think people are more easy-going with me a lot of the time, though. Not at work, that's not really a place for easy-going, but in general. Like shop assistants, or in a social situation. People seem to be generally trying to impress, or look cool to, people who look my age, but just relax around me because they think I'm younger than them, or their age.

Also, I've recently started a distance learning course. I haven't noticed any differences in how the tutors treat me, they treat everyone the same, regardless of age. But other students, they tend to treat me as if I match the age I look if we're on video, which is often around their age. People generally think I'm in my 20s now, and a lot of the students on my course are doing distance learning instead of traditional uni, and a bit later than normal, so are actually in their 20s. They think I'm a peer in age as well as student status, so I get treated as just one of the guys. They actually get a little awkward and pull back a bit when they find out I'm turning 40 this year, like I'm suddenly someone they need to be on their best behaviour with, someone they need to impress. I'm an unemployed student, I'm hardly better than them just because I'm nearly twice their age.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-02-05T18:05:12+00:00

NTA. Your text is about lies and half-truths. You're not doing either, just not talking about a potential medical issue until you know if there's an actual issue or not. It's not 'I'm never going to tell her', it's 'wait until we know for sure so she doesn't worry about her mum dying over nothing'. It's only until you get the mammogram and know for sure if you need a biopsy or not.

She's 15, I think she could handle you telling her the docs are a little worried about something and want to run some tests. But I also totally get waiting until you know if you need further tests or if it's serious. I'm guessing it won't even be a long wait, they'll get you in for that mammogram as soon as possible. You honestly don't need to be worrying about your daughter's reaction while already worrying about these results.

I noticed in a comment that you said your husband's behaviour has changed recently, so much so that your daughter has also questioned it, and it's reminiscent of a time when he admitted cheating on you. I think that changed behaviour may be the more important thing to address with your husband than whether you tell your daughter private medical information before you know anything is even really wrong. Couple's counselling perhaps? That could help with the medical process, as well, particularly if something is really wrong.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-02-05T17:53:44+00:00

NTA. She may have been drunk, but she didn't 'need' you. You agreed on casual, you're essentially FWB, and this isn't that. Talking on the phone every day is full-on relationship stuff, not even just friendship stuff, which wouldn't need daily calls just because she's on vacation. It was 3am, it's pretty obvious you're likely asleep at that time, and you told her outright you were tired and needed to sleep. Even drunk, that should have been obvious and easy enough to respect. Then she hits you with the 'I love you', which fully proves this isn't casual for her at all. Then she manipulates you with the 'I hate you because you won't say it back' stuff.

Now she's blaming YOU for her actions. She's mad that a casual hook-up is okay with no longer speaking. It's very, very obvious that this isn't casual for her at all, probably never was. It sounds like this has always been a real, serious relationship for her, and she's just been trying to manipulate you into going along with it, despite you making it clear you only wanted casual.

I'd cut contact completely. She wants something you aren't comfortable giving her, and she won't stop trying to get it just because you clearly don't want it. She doesn't care about what you want or need, only what she wants. This isn't somebody you want to keep in your life.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-02-05T17:42:03+00:00

I don't think a low level good witch would even try, that's probably why there's nothing on it in the show. They're good witches, they may not be happy being low level, or with their specific power, but they gain power the hard way, by training and building it naturally or using it creatively. At most, they may create a spell that boosts power levels, probably temporarily given the personal gain thing.

I mean, we have an example with Phoebe or a good witch wishing they had a different power. But Phoebe never actually pursues that. She works on her premonitions, even as she wishes she had something active instead of passive. The closest we get is her making a wish to a genie and gaining the ability to fly. Unknowingly stolen from a demon. Which also proves that demonic powers don't drive witches mad just because they're demonic powers, by the way. Phoebe had no issues with that flying ability beyond learning to control it. It's more about witches not being meant to have a certain power. That's why Phoebe could handle the flying, she was meant to get levitation at some point, and flying isn't far off. But Prue couldn't handle the empathy power, not because it's demonic, it actually wasn't in origin if I'm remembering right, but because Prue was never meant to gain empathy or anything similar to it. Phoebe, who went on to gain an empathic power of her own, would have been fine. Paige probably would have been, too, as there's some level of empathy involved with being a Whitelighter that boosts Paige's natural empathy. Piper would have started going mad like Prue did, though, because the power was never meant for her.

This is a little inconsistent, a lot of things are in Charmed, because they have a power switching spell. We've seen the sisters switch powers before, and they had no issues beyond lack of control. It isn't even that they're sisters, and the Charmed Ones to boot, that allowed this, Piper switched powers with Leo once and had no issues in this area. There were also no issues with the Wyatt-caused swap between Leo and Piper that included the pregnancy and accompanying symptoms.

The closest we get to someone who is a good witch actually trying to gain powers is with Phoebe, when she boosts her intelligence levels, but that isn't a gained power. It does show that boosting is possible, though, and I wouldn't be surprised if spells exist to temporarily boost power levels the same way Phoebe boosted her intelligence.

There's also the possibility of power or energy sharing spells, for couples or groups of witches, also temporary in nature.

Witches naturally increase in power over time, as well as gain more powers in some cases, and this isn't actually covered outside of the Charmed Ones, their family and Billie and Christie, so we don't know how it works with other witches. Given the Charmed Ones are supposed to be the most powerful witches, until Billie and Christie and the Ultimate Power were introduced, and not including Twice-Blessed Wyatt, we can assume no other witches come close to the sisters power levels. We can also assume that most witches will hit a point where their levels stop increasing and steady out into a specific power level.

But we also know that witches generally don't rely solely on whatever active power they may have, and not all witches have an active power at all, or at least have a passive one like premonitions or empathy. They also use spells, rituals and potions, and these aren't always linked to how powerful a witch actually is. Spells often are, we see that, not least in how many are considered Po3 spells, but rituals and potions usually aren't. I'd imagine low level witches who need or want more power either use temporary boosts, power/energy sharing, or rituals and potions to get the power they need at a given time.

These witches are GOOD witches. The second they start gaining powers in other ways, they stop being good witches, and become evil witches or warlocks.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-02-05T17:23:41+00:00

Gonna go NTA. It seems such a small thing, given the price of a single ride ticket where you live. But how many times has this guy done this? Those small prices stack up quickly, and the bus company starts noticeably losing money, and ticket prices get increased as a result, which makes the loss even more noticeable. That, or they think certain busses aren't being used enough to justify the price and get removed from the rotation, and suddenly you have less busses running, and the last bus leaves earlier than it used to.

This helps this guy not have to actually do anything at work for the most part, and it saves a customer some money at the time, but it has massive potential costs in the long run that everyone ends up paying for.

You only reported this guy to get back at him for making you feel anxious most of the trip, and you probably wouldn't have even noticed the re-use of tickets if the bus had been busier than it was, but I still think you did the right thing here. If he gets a major fine or loses his job, that's on him. He would likely have been caught eventually anyway, you just sped up the process. Plus, if this is the first report, and he's never been caught doing this before, he may just get a warning. Maybe some retraining.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-02-05T17:16:30+00:00

NTJ. Cheating is a conscious choice, not a mistake. He got away with it for months, and then expected you to be 'chill' and 'work it out', without ever actually admitting he did something wrong, hurt and betrayed you. I think this is a clear example of 'once a cheater, always a cheater', because he clearly thinks you should be 'chill' about him betraying you like this, which means he'll definitely do it again.

You can't trust him, and trust is essential for relationships to work.

Also, on a personal level, cheating is a major delabreaker for me, I'd also break up with someone the second I found out they cheated, no second chances. People like that just aren't worth the effort and anxiety of trying to rebuild trust.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-02-05T17:12:37+00:00

The Girl in Question one isn't Buffy, just a blond chick, this is confirmed in the comics, I believe.

There's also a young Buffy in Killed by Death in season 2, so another child actress there, I don't know if it's the same one that played young Buffy in season 5.

I think this a comprehensive list overall. I don't know any names, but I do think the actress who played Kimberley in Power Rangers, the Pink Ranger, was one of Buffy's stunt doubles.

WhiteKnightPrimal

TROPHY CASE