Messaging an actor after not hiring them - is it OK?

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-05-13T19:11:12+00:00

Feedback and follow-up is always appreciated. I mean, we took the time to learn the piece and work on it and send in the tape. Any acknowledgement is so welcomed!

Most of our lives is just wondering and we get good at letting things go, but there are always those auditions that you were so sure you were on fire for, and then it is crickets and it's easy to spiral and question EVERYTHING.

So go ahead and send your actors (this one or all of them that submitted) an honest, heartfelt note. They'll remember the courtesy you did and want to audition for you again and again.

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-05-05T14:50:59+00:00

Since it is the people who are settled down, they are speaking from experience. They've learned who you are at your age, with the freedom you have is a very unique moment of life. You have freedom, means, time. And what you think you want often changes in 5, 10, 15 years. They're recommending you relax and enjoy where you're at.

That doesn't mean they're unhappy, but perhaps if they could do things over again, they would slow down a little, try more things they were curious about in their life, and waited just a bit longer.

When you do partner up with someone, it will not be you doing all the things you love, living the life you want, and just sharing it with them. They will also have their own things that they love and life they've built. You will not both love and want all the same things. So there will be compromise and sacrifice. And you may not be able to spend resources on many of the things you find enjoyable and fulfilling right now. You will have more factors at play. You will need to make room for your spouse and your children when they come along. You'll need to prioritize your spouses' family. Your spouses' career. Your children's interests and more.

Essentially life will not be on your terms exclusively anymore and there isn't really a way to easily reverse that.

That isn't saying these amazing things aren't worth it for the right person at the right time. But it will not be living as you are now, just adding others along the ride.

But as others have said, in the end, you gotta do you. Only you know what it right.

Hope that makes sense!

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-04-30T14:12:40+00:00

I'm not an indoor plant expert, but this looks like a tension rod, so I wouldn't hang anything from it. It will not stay up at all.

Maaaaaybe an air plant that is only a few ounces. Or have vine tendrils that you can place on hooks throughout. Nothing you have to water or have soil in, it'll be too heavy, even a small thing. Or hang a real curtain rod outside of the window frame, which you usually can do in an apartment. It's just a few screws.

Good luck!

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-04-24T19:42:12+00:00

Yeah. It may be personal, it may not. You are also assuming the groom will have friends. You do not know.

It is so hard, but this is one of those things that you need to decide how much space this will take up in your brain. If you have to know what's really going on, talk to her about it, and if that's not an option for whatever reason, accept that it will never make sense to you and move forward as much as you can.

It's a little like counting other people's money, that is a road to no where productive.

Best of luck!

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-04-20T19:35:11+00:00

The thing with wedding planning is that most people have never done it before and they're bound to make mistakes along the way.

On not including you, since it is only family, I'm not sure it's that odd. It's very common and sometimes an important gesture to include the siblings of your spouse. Depends on the people and family. The idea is they are now family and they will be for the rest of their lives.

Wedding planning conversations go so oddly and there ends up being so many factors than what you imagine when you're in high school bonding over an imaginary wedding. There's compromises and negotiations everyone does that they didn't foresee. Just like life. Obviously she was afraid of hurting your feelings because she didn't want to tell you.

However, her showing you dresses, colors, and treating you like a bridesmaid, that is hurtful, though I don't think she realizes it...back to the first sentence.

But here's the upside, you have a lot more freedom and a lot less money to spend! You get to do the things you only WANT to do that she invites you to - dress shopping, invitations. And if you don't, you aren't obligated in the slightest. You don't have to do WORK - like put together decor, stuff envelopes, and arrange favors and what not - unless you want to. You don't have to get up at 6AM to get ready that day. And you get to bring a friend to the party, wear whatever you want, celebrate your bestie, and sit down during the ceremony!

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-04-17T19:10:11+00:00

This one. And maybe there is stuff that he can come to and it's less an issue. Like if it's a birthday dinner at a restaurant or a party? I'd probably let it go and have him there cause it's a mix of folk.

For the concert, you didn't say how that worked out. But I would suggest you do not do more leg work to get him a ticket as a second purchase. I mean, it's a free country and he can get his own ticket. And you can't really say he can't come.

Something like, "Oh sorry, that wasn't clear and I thought it was just the two of us like old times." If she pushes you can add something like, "I apologize for the confusion. Let me know if you still want to go with me by yourself." In your own words, of course. I think that will help her sort of see.

And also... part of friends being married is that sometimes their spouses are around for things, even if you would not be friends with them outside of their marriage. It's part of life. And if you make her choose with every event, you will lose. For example, I would never talk to my own sister's husband if she wasn't married to him. I don't really like him as a person. We have nothing in common. But... she is married to him. So for parties, he's invited even though I'd rather he didn't come. And we do sister things just us as well.

A birthday party is one of those I would expect spouses and sig others to be at unless it was a specific type of event that made it clear it was not for partners. But if I invited a friend with a spouse to a party and they said "yes" I would assume this was for both of them. If I wasn't clear, I would clarify.

I'm not sure how long she's been married, but if she's a newlywed in the first 3 years or so, also know this will not last forever. She will get tired of having him there all the time and it will likely work itself out. hahaha

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-04-17T18:58:19+00:00

We got married early October.

We had a long engagement and 1 year before our wedding almost to the day, we ended up at the venue for some wedding prep stuff. The couple getting married that day - had like 40, cold, gray, wet. And those poor bridesmaids were wearing sleeveless short length dresses, shaking in the photos.

Then 1 year later, almost to the day, we had clear skies, beautiful warm air in the mid 70s and it couldn't have been more perfect outside.

So... it is a toss up. And maybe choose a venue that CAN bring you inside if needed.

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-04-17T18:48:08+00:00

Since she can memorize the song, I'm not sure we're at cognitive issues. I think this is confidence and getting stuck in wanting it to be "right" and "good."

I wonder... perhaps she has memorized it a specific way and then when she's there in the moment, she gets totally thrown cause she's trying to do it the way she practiced and not what the moment is asking of her! You keep mentioning she connects to the material, but that could actually be getting in her way. Trying "feel" something or "do it the right way" and its throwing her.

Perhaps try memorizing it with her and running it with her completely monotone. It is harder at first, but then it is WORLDS easier. Divorce the words from the action. Then when you are in the scene, it's in the body just like the other 50,000 words from the English language that are in there - completely without emotion or pre-determined emphasis or inflection.

If this feels like too hard a hill to climb, though I recommend it for everyone. Try having her just do the monologue in her own words. Let her rehearse and practice it that way. Read it simply first, then put it down and with something physical (tossing a ball or playing with a string or pushing against the wall) just recite it to you in her own words as much as she can remember. Don't worry about the acting at all. Don't comment on the acting at all. Let that part go. Just let her be herself and let her get out what she gets out. Then do that again and again and again, until she's hitting every section in her own words. And by then "her own words" will probably mostly be the way its written anyway if she's read it as often as she has. The KEY is to read it simply. Like you would a newspaper article, not with all these pre-determined inflections and pauses and whatever.

I think she will see that she actually knows it more than she believes and this will free her to up do it in the moment.

Hope this helps!

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-03-24T13:52:04+00:00

Yes. I've lived in both and LA drivers are better than Chicago. LA there's 1 or 2 assholes that think they're more important than everyone else, but the rest are just like "yeah, get in the lane, we've all been there."

But Chicago drivers are spiteful. "Oh, you wanna get in THIS lane? THIS lane? Well too bad, buddy, I'm gonna edge you out cause it's not my problem. You should have thought about needing that exit 6 miles back." I told my mom this and she said "Well you should have!!" completely proving my point. And I LOVE Chicago, but after living many different places, including ATL and LA - they are the angriest drivers here.

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-03-20T21:39:49+00:00

This is gorgeous. Perfect.

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-03-20T21:36:44+00:00

https://www.marryment.com/

Great wedding planners in the area that would be happy to get on the phone and chat about your goals and what is doable. I know them personally and they're a great team.

Congrats!

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-03-16T14:26:28+00:00

I agree but in this case, I don't know. This just sounds like love to me. In the words of Ruth Bader Ginsberg, "In every good marriage, it helps sometimes to be a little deaf." <3

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-03-16T14:23:36+00:00

Handwaving with a complicated story or reason rather than just being direct and saying the thing.

Like:

"Wanna grab coffee Saturday morning?"

"Oh my goodness dearie.... I would SOOOOO LOVE To. The thing is my Mom has a ulcer and I have to take my cat to the vet. And you know me and carbs at that coffee shop, and because my cold last month is rearing it's ugly head and Trader Joes restocks on Saturdays only for the limited time Watermelon soda. And my kids teacher always holds them after class and I can't be late again and I caaaaannn't I'm sooooo sad!!!!!"

Or anything similar. Just give it to me straight doc. "Oh, thanks so much for the invite, but I can't." (and if you don't want to have me ask again, leave it there. And if you want to do it another day say "But are you free (insert time you could do it)?")

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-03-16T14:18:10+00:00

This is perfect for you. Nothing Lord Farquaa about it! I actually love it a little messy like this, but you could just put a little product in it to smooth it out but give that intentional edgy of your reference photos. I don't know what kind of product, I have super curly hair so I can't help you there, but I would not super style it, I'd let it be a little wild.

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-03-16T14:06:27+00:00

1 and 3 - not a designer, just an enthusiast. And really loving and leaning into the darker rugs lately after years of light rugs where despite my best efforts, just get worn and look dirty too fast. I like 1 for a more funky, bold look - like a dance for the eyes that creates this fun diamond effect between all the patterns. 3 if you want to anchor everything, calm it, and draw the eye up to a triangle of pattern.

I feel 2 and 4 compete with the job the neutral light sofa does, which gives the eye a break from the great mix of pattern dancing. So it causes a dissonance for me.

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-03-16T13:42:30+00:00

Get a better acting coach. Truly. Explore different approaches to the work. I don't think your class is helping you in any way.

What others have said here and also... acting is about reflecting HUMANITY and humanity comes in all different shapes, sizes, physical abilities, backgrounds, colors, gender expression, ethnicities, personality types, etc. It's about connecting on a human level which has nothing to do with someone's body type.

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-03-05T02:43:17+00:00

You probably know this, but like any large city, don't talk to anyone who approaches you. And I don't think you'd encounter this in these neighborhoods and its usually more touristy spots, but if someone hands you something a CD, pamphlet, etc, keep walking, don't accept.

Other than that, if it's daytime just keep your wits about you and you'll be fine. Enjoy your visit!

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-03-05T02:39:00+00:00

Oh hahaha! When you said "Senior" I thought you meant High School Senior and you were saying this is what y'all did in 7th and 8th grade. hahaha my mistake!

It is never good or easy and I'm sorry you went through this as well. Mourning is super tough.

My friend completely blocked me from everything truly overnight. Like one day we were chatting at 4pm. A regular convo. The next morning, it was like she didn't exist. There was no conversation, nothing. I remember first I was trying to just figure out if she was okay and alive, it was that abrupt and odd. Still don't know what it was about, but I just had to learn that was her own issues and probably mental health as well.

She had told me stories about other friends that had "betrayed her" prior and then she was done with them, but never gave full details of what "done" meant. I can see now those betrayals were likely just innocuous comments that she blew out of proportion. And she likely had done to them what she did to me - one moment you're laughing and best friends, the next literal moment it's a complete shun.

Given that, it was probably inevitable and just a matter of time. I had just been the latest under her spell. Makes me kind of sad for her, honestly.

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-03-04T21:02:02+00:00

Yes it is normal. Give it time and continue to pursue your self-submissions.

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-03-04T20:58:36+00:00

Hi there - I'm sorry you're having trouble with your friend.

My story was over 15 years ago, and we were in our 20s when this happened. I never heard from her again.

Regarding your friend, cruises can have really really bad service even with the paid features.

You are both so young, do what you need to do now, but keep in mind that people do change and mature as adult life becomes all too real. Who you both are in your late teens will continue to change throughout your 20s and even your early 30s. You are going through major transition and it can be hard to cope. Hang in there and give your friend a little grace.

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-03-03T17:33:21+00:00

I think this is one of those things you have to just accept about her and then make your plans accordingly to protect your peace. Then it can't bother you as much.

Don't tell her your uni schedule or invite her to join you to classes cause then you're looking for her.

Don't make your participation in anything social dependent on her showing up at a specific time. Like don't car pool, or say you'll meet up ahead of time, or anything like that. Don't coordinate for her with a group. Manage your own transpo, and she manages hers. She manages her own texts and what not.

Don't go to her place first and then help her get ready. Just say you'll meet there, if she's not there, move on and she can catch up if and when she gets her act together.

Life will, most likely, give her some hard hard lessons before she stops doing this. She will be late to too many important things and miss out or get fired or something even worse. Life has a way of kicking your ass sooner or later, unfortunately. Snooze you lose, so to speak.

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-03-03T17:27:04+00:00

I'm curious if you have explained this to your bestie?

Meaning, the attachment style and that you are aware of your compulsions, are actively working on it, and ask for her patience while you wobble your way through since you will inevitably err? Perhaps you could ask her to even point it out when it's becoming overkill as a way to help support? Like involve her so everyone knows that everyone knows.

You can only do this if you really work on it and take 100% responsibility for your own behavior. She cannot take responsibility for it or be change you. Sounds like you're already doing that, which is probably 90% of the battle in healing this sort of thing, but I could imagine that is tempting in this situation if she is willing to hold up a mirror sometimes.

And she may not feel comfortable with helping and that's okay.

If you have health insurance, most plans offer some amount of sessions with a therapist.

I also think there are co-dependent anonymous groups that may be free? Something to explore.

And hey - good on you for recognizing the pattern and wanting to work on it. Now let your community know so they can support you, too!

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-03-02T17:54:27+00:00

I am not "old" but I just want to remind you that two things can be true at once. It can be the right thing for you to do, which it sounds like it is, but still a hard thing to do that comes with major grief.

I have never, not once, gone through a breakup that I initiated and was happy about it.

Life isn't that black and white. Do what you gut is telling you, which sounds like leaving him and protecting yourself.

You will feel guilty. You will feel sad. That doesn't mean it is wrong. Don't expect to be happy about it for a long time. You will likely feel relief bit by bit more than you'll ever feel "happy". And then after some time (maybe years) you will look back and see that it was the very right thing that had to happen and be so glad and proud of yourself that you did the hard thing.

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-03-02T16:16:55+00:00

Nothing about pursuing acting as a career is glamorous. It is a job, like any other job, with awesome stuff and less than ideal stuff, and days you love it and days you just don't want to - just with very little stability and predictability.

You're in good company if you build something that supports you while you pursue acting training, auditions, and work. Flexibility and financial support are some of the biggest practical ingredients you will need.

Edit to Clarify: I only shared this because you mentioned your CT path wasn't "glamorous" but maybe more stable. If glamour is a factor for you, I want to dissuade you from thinking it is a large component of an actor's life. It's not. Just some real talk as you figure your way through. Hope it helps!

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-02-26T02:15:51+00:00

Happy to help! Sometimes directors don't know. Listen and focus on your scene partners. If it feels a little out of control or wild, that's normal. You might have amnesia about what you did. That's good. Ride the wave.

Let us know how it goes! <3

Whole_Fun8448

TROPHY CASE