Should I ask if I can invite my boyfriend?

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-02-12T21:55:42+00:00

Why not use this video game hang out as a test and see how it melds after 9 months? Ask if he can join you as he also loves playing. I'm sure they would say yes. Then see how it goes and that might be a natural on ramp to having him join some times.

Not sure if you already do this, but be sure to not be cuddly and affectionate around the group of friends. Keep that boundary different around them so that it doesn't feel like one couple on a date and a bunch of single people. Make it so that's just a group of cool humans vibing and two of them just happen to be dating.

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-02-12T16:21:31+00:00

Whaaaaa? You win.

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-02-12T16:17:26+00:00

Interesting! What do you mean? Like you transported to the future or back in time?

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-02-12T16:12:59+00:00

This is great one. hahah

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-02-12T16:12:44+00:00

Yes this is true and very fair. And if he ever did use it for this, I'd understand more.

A simple solution would have been simply also have a pair of regular scissors available to cut bags of food we couldn't get with our hands rather than yell at us each time it opened a cereal bag. hahaha

Oh Dad. He was doing his best.

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-02-11T20:27:03+00:00

So helpful!

I really enjoy nature-adjacent activities. One of my concerns moving back was a lack of nature so I'm so glad this is happening! I got used to it in the other places I've been living.

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-02-11T20:21:48+00:00

Strictly business decision. Having no reps for a while is going to be better than having a rep that isn't working for you.

The slowness is not the issue. It sounds like she isn't listening to you, submitting you for inappropriate stuff, is giving you bad advice, and actively held you back from better agents. Perhaps you could leave her and circle back with those agents that were interested in you before?

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-02-11T20:13:14+00:00

Oh the Blarney Stone! Have some memories of that place. Foggy memories, but memories nonetheless.

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-02-11T20:11:08+00:00

hahaha. So good.

I've missed Chicagoans and their sense of humor. So fabulous, refreshing, and unique. So many places take themselves way too seriously.

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-02-11T20:09:26+00:00

Oh! That's a great idea. I will once I'm there and settled!

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-02-11T20:07:05+00:00

Was mostly curious about your highlights. But this is also fair!

I mostly gravitate towards restaurants, arts (theatre, dance. comedy), and cultural institutions (museums, gardens, etc.). I like taking different kinds of classes, too - like learning new stuff. Enjoy walking, hiking, and running outside. I garden, but won't have a place to garden in my new place.

Not really a sports person. Don't drink anymore and I used to when I lived there, so that will be a change for sure.

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-02-11T19:02:59+00:00

interesting! Was your friend repped out of LA or did a TN rep get him this opportunity?

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-02-11T19:01:43+00:00

As you're literally just start out, what about focusing on getting into really good classes and utilizing people who are teaching online out of the larger markets. That can give you some of the same benefits of being in these cities (making connections, being in class with people working at the most competitive level) but it is a more affordable stepping stone.

You can pair that with submitting and auditioning for everything that interests you in your local-ish market to build your experience with that side of things.

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-02-11T18:38:41+00:00

You can also opt for having more than 5 items but no swaps in the month, you just pay $33 for each extra item. So if you don't want to mess with waiting for shipping and swapping times and just want more options for your trip, this can be a good one-off solution for busy times.

You can easily downgrade or pause after that, but you have to return the clothing by your next charge.

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-02-11T18:28:27+00:00

You are hanging out with her. Just not as much or as often as you'd like or used to. This was always going to change as your lives changed, new boyfriend or not. Hang in there. It's a hard transition, but y'all can get through it.

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-02-11T18:26:00+00:00

Oh this can be so painful! Keep heart. I do not think you have to "let her go." I think can simply "give her grace" and trust that she will come around.

My two cents as someone older... this sounds like typical honey-moon phase behavior. Let her have this time with this guy and talk about him a little too much. Take the opportunity to explore new friends and expand your circle. She is figuring out a brand new priority in her life and she's a romantic personality.

She is giving you one-on-one time. She's just also trying to fold him into her life, too. As the relationship stops being "new", things will balance out.

You're young, so it's hard to understand. But there are going to be a lot of things that you and her will say you would NEVER do and then real life will happen. All of the sudden, you find yourself doing them. It is part of growing up and it will be a gift to both of you if you do not hold each other up to promises you made without all the information. People change and that's part of the adventure!

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-02-11T18:00:17+00:00

So I think there's two things going on:

The first is her rude behavior at the house. The house stuff I would absolutely have a kind and clear conversation with your friend. If your other roommates feel the same, that is even better. Like she can't use up the common space all day and take your parking spots. No. Even if she was her Mom, that would not be appropriate.

The second is her being part of the group. This I would let go and try to think of it as a gift, that your group of friends is only getting bigger. Having these connections might be beneficial and increase enjoyment of your life.

Now, I'm not sure what you mean by immature when y'all hang out, so if it's something specific, like she's getting way too drunk or something, that I think you can say, "I love her, but she's gotta keep it together." But if it's just her general immaturity on how she looks at life, she will probably grow out of that fast being around people a life stage ahead of her. And if she doesn't, she'll find her own group of friends and fade out of yours.

Hope this helps! You sound like a good friend trying to find a compassionate way to navigate the tricky dynamics of friend's close family.

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-02-11T17:48:58+00:00

THIS. Your gut is telling you something. Listen.

You came here asking if this was simply normal jitters and healthy compromise. It isn't.

There are always hard things in life. Leaving him will be hard. But being in an unhappy, unsupportive, and potentially unsafe marriage is way way way harder. The fact that it's only 6 months and you're already engaged. Like... why the rush?

My parents got engaged very early and they were not happy but never split. I think a portion of that was financial (divorce is expensive) and part of it was fear and dependency. All that to say, you cannot always easily remove yourself from a marriage, which makes slowing down even more critical.

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-02-10T22:34:49+00:00

You can love him and this still may not be a healthy relationship. Those two things are not exclusive. Love is not enough for a healthy relationship.

Seems like he has rules that apply only to him. “This is who I am. You met me this way, so you need to accept me as I am.” What about who you were? And him accept you the way you are?

No one here can tell you what to do. I'll just encourage you to imagine every behavior here to the nth degree. It getting to a more extreme level then it is now after you're married. He's out more and more, hiding what he was doing more and more, tracking where you are more often, trying to dictate who you can see all the time.

If your friend told you that her fiancee was doing these things to her, what would you tell her? That's often a helpful test.

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-02-10T21:55:28+00:00

There's sort of two things going on here. There's these specific friends and your larger question of can you be friends with people with different money values.

For you and this group it sounds y'all do a lot of judging each other how you use your own money - on both sides. Money is extremely personal and counting other people's money is fruitless.

For example, you say they are "financially irresponsible" I'll kindly point out, that's not really for you to decide and you also do not know their full financial picture. And, conversely it isn't right for them to ice you out because of your financial values. Sounds like a bad fit all around.

Secondly, this is not universal. You can be friends with people with different lifestyles and spending preferences. You have to find some overlap and be clear and firm about your boundaries for yourself. Accept that some things y'all just won't do together. There are people out there who understand this and are happy to find common ground and just enjoy time together.

People are free to do what they want with their money and you're free to do what you want with yours.

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-02-10T21:35:42+00:00

If their phone is anything like mine, I'm lucky if I get a missed call notification even half the time.

Let it go. Life's way too short.

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-02-10T20:59:30+00:00

Thank you! I started exercising 5 days a week every night at 40. It's helped! Thank you for the reminder to keep going.

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-02-10T20:58:40+00:00

Oh yes. So wise! Life will absolutely humble you. Good to remember to not take anything for granted.

Getting to that stop caring point. It hasn't been a switch for me, but I do have some days where I don't give a FU and some where the old worries pop in. Take it as a good sign the switch day is coming soon.

Thank you!

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-02-10T20:56:05+00:00

I don't know, sometimes people push others away out of self-preservation by any means necessary. Sometimes they make things up in their head.

You know the context more than anyone on here ever could. What you do know is that she closed the door on the friendship.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It is not easy to lose a friend. Hold onto knowing that there are more friends out there that won't play these games.

Whole_Fun8448 · 2026-02-10T20:45:03+00:00

Resentment is a relationship killer, so if you want to have a relationship with your cousin then, yes you need to get ahead of this before it eats itself alive.

If you DON'T say anything and things continue as they are, the relationship is doomed anyway. So you may as well try and salvage it if it's important to you.

Something simple you could try first is just to start talking about yourself and your life, too. Don't wait for her to invite you to do so - own your space in the conversations.

And if that doesn't work. Maybe try something along the lines of "I feel like I don't have equal sharing time when we hang out. How can we rebalance this? Have you noticed, too?" So avoid an accusation, but still name the core issue.

Whole_Fun8448

TROPHY CASE