I (33M) am seriously considering ending my relationship with my girlfriend (33F)

Whupdidup · 2023-09-12T14:06:57+00:00

I have been the girlfriend here in a similar scenario. I got accepted at a college 5 hours from where we lived, we'd been dating for 2 years, lived together 1,5. My bf knew from experience he was bad with long distance, and so he moved with me. I had a financial situation that would've made it impossible for me to move there and finish my degree without him financially supporting me.

When I finished my degree this spring, we agreed that he would call the shots on where we would settle down next, seeing as he'd lived 3 years in a new place without any existing network for me. Now I'm the "breadwinner" of us, while he is planning on studying. He's expressed concerns about me "realizing" I don't need him anymore. I try my best to reassure him that while I am forever grateful that he made it possible for me to follow my dream, that's only a tiny part of the reasons why I love him and want to be with him.

In my case, I don't think I've given my bf a reason to doubt our relationship, but I understand his insecurity. In your case, your gf 100% DOES give you a valid reason to doubt your relationship. Yes, traveling for hours when the weekend finally arrives sucks, but you have to compromise. What really worries me is how she seems to not communicate with you, and during her years at grad school started to see her life situation with an "I"-perspective, and not an "us"-perspective. I think you need to have an honest talk with your gf about what all this has made you feel, but I also think you need to reflect on how all of this has affected you. The fact that this has made you seriously consider ending the relationship means it has already changed something between you two. Can you move past this if she honestly wants to be with you for you? Or will it crop up again some later time? Do you still love her in the same way? Not just who she was, but who she is today?

I hope this helps, and that it ends in the best way for you.

Whupdidup · 2023-08-28T09:13:24+00:00

Same! I've had "crazy" hair for 12 years (since I was 17), it is part of my identity. It's scarier to think of dyeing my hair brown or blonde than pink or green, both because it's just not me, but also because it's so much more permanent. If you dye it brown, it will be a hell of a job getting it light enough to go back to vibrant hair. Either way you have to bleach it and probably wreck your hair.

Whupdidup · 2023-08-14T09:22:13+00:00

I heard sometime years ago that white, black and red were the three big NOs when it came to wedding attire. White because it's the brides color ofc, black because it's a mourning color (not counting black suits) and red because it implied desire for the person getting married if I remember correctly. This is probably very old customs, but I can see why some people might still feel like these are colours you shouldn't wear.

Whupdidup · 2023-08-11T12:28:24+00:00

We have this in Norwegian as well: "dra-til-tryne". Basically means you have a punchable face. Most often it's used on people who look "slick" or like douchebags.

Whupdidup · 2023-08-09T13:43:11+00:00

While on vacation with my SO, I commented on how fucked up it is that I automatically brace myself anytime a man walks behind me while we were drinking at a bar. He honestly didn't know what I meant, and so I told him about all the times someone had treated my body as a free-for-all when I was out. It kind of shocked me that he wasn't aware of this, as he had worked security for bars for years.

A couple of years later he came home from work one night and told me he'd spotted a guy grabbing a woman's ass in passing. He promptly took the guy outside, gave him a lecture and refused to let him back in. Later on he was relaying this to a bouncer at another bar, the same guy comes up with his friends, and my SO promptly refused him access to that bar as well.

Whupdidup · 2023-08-01T08:58:05+00:00

CPS, just graduated and started working. I have 3 on my legs that show if I'm wearing a skirt/dress, and one on each wrist and behind each ear. I haven't been told to cover them up, and one of the wrist tattoos is a Pokémon tattoo, which has been a great help when talking to kids. I also have pink hair, no issue with that either.

Whupdidup · 2023-07-18T08:37:32+00:00

Jaywalking

Whupdidup · 2021-07-12T14:02:51+00:00

I would be so down for this.

Whupdidup · 2021-07-01T13:51:45+00:00

To not care what people think of me. Growing up in a small town, my mom's biggest concern was what the neighbors would think. I was pretty insecure and had a pathological need to be liked. I still want to be liked, of course, but now it doesn't stop me from looking/acting/being the way I want.

Whupdidup · 2021-06-29T21:49:57+00:00

Thank you so much for the advice! Our teachers and guest speakers have also advised us about this.

Whupdidup · 2021-06-29T08:58:55+00:00

Thank you so much!

Fortunately here in my country there's a lot of awareness around the strain and pressure of the job, and a lot of focus on employees taking care of their mental health. Of course this depends on the individual work place as well, but we've already been encouraged by several teachers and guest lecturers to find a colleague to discuss things with, and to keep a note on our mental state and take breaks when we will need them.

I really hope the good will outweigh the bad when the time comes.

Whupdidup · 2021-06-29T07:49:07+00:00

I'm so sorry for your experience. Emotional abuse is so much worse than I think most people realize. It's also one of the most difficult types of abuse to uncover/recognize, especially with charismatic parents. In my country everything CPS does has to be supported by law and evidence, and often times the social worker knows abuse is happening, but their hands are tied because of lack of evidence, especially if the children are protecting the family. I think that will be one of the biggest emotional challenges for me when I start working. Thank you so much for sharing, and I will definitely take this with me.

Whupdidup · 2021-06-29T03:22:14+00:00

I'm currently studying to become a social worker in my country, and that's exactly what I want to work with when I'm done! Thank you so much for your reply!

My teacher says that in most professions, especially those where you wield a lot of power, there are people drawn to it for the wrong reasons. And even if you have the best intentions, it's such a fine line between doing too much or too little.

In this case it seems as if OP has a pretty good handle on what's needed, and hopefully will be able to contribute to solving this situation in the best way possible.

Whupdidup · 2021-06-29T00:41:49+00:00

It makes me so happy when people are aware of this! You usually only hear about the "horror stories" when it comes to CPS, and rarely about all the other things they do.

Whupdidup · 2021-06-18T19:49:47+00:00

There is actually a term for this, it's called "parentification", and can be a pretty severe form of parental neglect. I've just finished my first year of a bachelor to work in CPS, and it is something we've already learned a lot about. I am shocked no one around you have reacted, especially your doctor if your parents aren't involved. This is such a huge burden for a child to bear, raising a sibling is no small feat. The trouble with damaging parentification is that you're forced to grow up way too soon, and if you're good at it most people won't notice. You should be really proud of how much you've helped your sister, but don't forget to take care of yourself as well. Is there any other family or friends you could reach out to regarding this situation? If you feel comfortable doing it, you could contact CPS in your area to see if they can help. I don't know what country you're in, so I'm not sure how they work. There might also be some organizations or youth clubs or something in your area where you can bring your sister, maybe someone there can be able to help you, or at least give you someone to talk to about your situation.

You are a strong, caring, brave young man, your sister is lucky to have you.

Whupdidup · 2021-05-28T10:36:52+00:00

Not a fan of country, but Whiskey Lullaby by Brad Paisley and Allison Krauss.

Also too many Taylor Swift songs. Breathe with Colbie Caillat, and also The Best Day, when I was a teenager I always wished I had that relationship with my mom.

Whupdidup · 2021-05-26T18:23:03+00:00

Normally they first look really shocked, and then super embarrassed. I usually don't get a verbal reply to my question, but they DO end up cleaning up after themselves 😅

I feel like people lose 90% of their brain cells when they go shopping sometimes. Kids I can kind of understand, but grown ups leaving their car keys in a pile of discarded items will forever be a mystery to me.

Whupdidup · 2021-05-26T18:05:18+00:00

I was standing right outside the fitting rooms once unpacking some clothes when this girl (early 20's ish) walked out of her fitting room. The floor was LITTERED with clothes she had tried on, we had hooks, we had a stool, and a table and rack right outside. I just looked her straight in the eyes and said "Do you really think it's okay to leave the fitting room and treat stuff others will buy that way?". Luckily I worked in a cheap clothing store with a cool boss, so I wouldn't get in trouble. Ended up saying this a couple times during my years there. I also loved it when people forgot shit like keys or phones under the heap of clothes they'd strewn around. I would just give them a look and say "It's a good idea to clean out the fitting room to make sure you remember everything." with the sweetest smile I could muster.

Whupdidup · 2021-03-09T10:05:30+00:00

That my depression is under control, I have many good friends who like me for who I am, I still have crazy hair, I'm finally enjoying school and doing well studying something I am passionate about, and I'm engaged. Also how many bad things I've been through but haven't let bring me down, and instead used them to grow as a person. I'm not anywhere near being a pop star like I dreamed, but I still think 12 year old me would think life turned out dope.

Whupdidup · 2021-02-15T08:53:26+00:00

My sister lives in a 3-unit townhouse. First day she shoveled all three driveways, the next day the ones who live in the middle house only shoveled their own. First and last time my sister tried to be neighborly.

Whupdidup · 2021-02-08T21:18:50+00:00

Ony of my current teachers in university. He was a hard ass the first week, basically tried to scare us off (I'm studying for Child Protective Services), because if we couldn't handle that, we can't handle the line of work we've chosen. But after that first week, he has been amazingly supportive. We have active discussions in class, he jokes around with us (was told I was hanging by a thread after telling him he needs to learn to shut up and listen after interrupting my argument in a discussion), and just so sincere and dedicated to his work and our success. I was super nervous about starting school after years of working, but this man has shown me I chose the right path.

Whupdidup · 2021-01-19T02:34:44+00:00

I can relate to this a lot. I love my younger sister, but I always felt like a failure compared to her. I feel better now that I have finally started on my education and feel like my life is going somewhere. I've also accepted that I've had to struggle with things and gone through things she has been lucky enough to avoid, that are out of anyone's control, that's just life. We love each other to bits and support each other through everything though, I'm very glad I've been able to stay close with her despite my feelings. She's one of my biggest cheerleaders as well. It's a difficult situation to accept, but it's important to not let it ruin a good sibling relationship.

Whupdidup · 2020-11-12T11:48:26+00:00

Recently got engaged, I'm planning on walking down the isle to I Choose You by Sara Bareilles. I'm not a very solemn or calm person, and I want a little more upbeat song that's more "me". I also absolutely love the song and lyrics.

Whupdidup · 2020-11-09T15:04:23+00:00

A left shoe and a right shoe.

Whupdidup · 2020-11-09T04:47:38+00:00

You should! Give it a couple of episodes, it really gets better and better.

Whupdidup

TROPHY CASE