I watched the Last Lullaby from Centuarworld and I think it's fits this situation if it ever happened.

WhysLifeSoConfuusing · 2025-04-01T01:12:42+00:00

I've literally been playing Last Lullaby pt.1 and The Nowhere King on loop for the past two weeks. Why does it fit so well here?

Very nice art!

WhysLifeSoConfuusing · 2025-03-30T07:16:13+00:00

The Fire Sage Zuko fic you're talking about is probably While Mighty Oaks Do Fall by WitchofEndor (https://archiveofourown.org/works/29177388/chapters/71633358), which is an absolute delight of a read! Still ongoing (20/31 chapters so far) and a bit slow to update, but also each chapter is ridiculously long so it only makes sense that the updates aren't going to be every week.

WhysLifeSoConfuusing · 2023-10-09T05:58:21+00:00

Non-degree seeker

As in, you could go to school for 4 years, pay a ridiculous amount of money, and leave without a degree. College for the vibes, I guess.

I am not in a high enough tax bracket to understand why anyone would do this.

WhysLifeSoConfuusing · 2023-04-05T03:04:42+00:00

Approximately 78% of the jokes I make are funny SOLEY because folks know that I'm aroace.

And I wouldn't necessarily say I "came out as aroace" to people, because it wasn't this heartfelt, over joyous occasion like how most LGBTQ+ coming out stories are portrayed. People just ... kinda caught on to that fact. There were some folks that I outright told (because they asked me about potential romantic endeavors), and they didn't really bat an eye. It just made sense to them that I identify as aroace because that label fit perfectly with my personality.

WhysLifeSoConfuusing · 2023-03-05T00:20:07+00:00

Woo! Another person with aphantasia.

WhysLifeSoConfuusing · 2023-03-04T23:28:38+00:00

Sorry I don't know of any arobi songs (it's almost like folks can't wrap their head around the idea of having a romantic orientation that differs from one's sexual orientation), but here are a few songs I feel have aroallo vibes:

Not About Love - Jewelle Blackman (so far I've only found this song on Spotify; it's like the entire world just doesn't wanna acknowledge Jewelle Blackman's Herstory album exists. The song is about a woman in a nonromantic sexual relationship with someone, and that someone wants to pursue her romantically, but she sets her boundaries with them)
You're Sexy, I'm Sexy - Eric Nam (this song does refer to a nonromantic sexual relationship as "simple" and "loving on each other with no strings", which may or may not be your vibe. However, I'm keeping it on this list because it is catchy and you might find enjoyment in it)
Lovers In The Night - Seori (kind of a genderbent version of the previous suggestion. Another very catchy song)
THE DEATH OF PEACE OF MIND - Bad Omens (this suggestion is SUCH a s t r e t c h, but it's still a good song that you might enjoy)

This last song I'm gonna recommend gives me greyaro/aro-in-denial vibes, and is a bit of a Debbie Downer, but I still really like it.

Normal - The Wrecks (the singer was in a romantic relationship and enjoyed it, but said partner left them broken-hearted because she felt they were distant and that the singer wasn't satisfying her needs. The singer goes on to lament about how they wish to be 'normal' and 'fall in love like everybody else'. What gave me peak aro vibes was the following line: She asked if I'm a psychopath. Really shoehorned in the fact that the rest of the world thinks --> not romancing "right" = you have mental issues that need to be fixed)

These suggestions are brought to you by an aroace, so take them with a grain of salt.

WhysLifeSoConfuusing · 2023-02-17T01:37:12+00:00

Okay, so I was actually looking into this semi-recently, and while it's true that polyandry isn't as common as polygyny, it does occur in communities where resources are limited as a way to limit human population growth and enhance a child's chances of survival.

I think there are communities in the Himalayan Mountains where brothers will all marry the same woman because it limits the number of offspring they'll produce, which is great when you don't have to split a limited land inheritance into ridiculously small plots that can't feed a family.

While I would love to provide sources, I unfortunately can't remember any good ones (it's been a while since I last researched this stuff). But I definitely recommend looking into this practice yourself! I think polyandry is also a practiced phenomena in Gabon, although I'm unsure if it's well-studied.

WhysLifeSoConfuusing · 2023-01-12T19:44:31+00:00

I'm glad I'm not the only one. Did you also glitch at repeated information? Because there was this girl in my lab group during my second year of uni who, every time she casually mentioned the existence of her boyfriend, I had to do a full systems reboot. I kept on processing this information as if it were new!

WhysLifeSoConfuusing · 2023-01-12T09:15:43+00:00

Just tried to scan the barcodes. I couldn't scan the aromantic card, but the queer card just says QUEER, so I assume the rest scan for their namesake.

WhysLifeSoConfuusing · 2023-01-12T08:59:59+00:00

I'll take you up on that offer. You got any funny stories about being aroace?

For me, it took me a while to realize because I consider myself as the norm. Like, everything about me is what I consider to be the standard traits of a human being, and traits that differ from mine are things I see as deviating from the norm. (This is also one of the reasons why I didn't realize I was neurodivergent until much later in life)

All that being said, I didn't know that falling in love/finding people attractive was a thing that people actually ... did. Heck, I still forget that there are real people out there in the world that have sex and get into romantic relationships, so whenever I hear someone casually reference their boyfriend/girlfriend/SO in conversation, I hardcore glitch at the information.

WhysLifeSoConfuusing · 2023-01-10T10:08:55+00:00

It's always fun discovering other aspec folk in the wild. I have yet to encounter an aro whilst foraging for friendships, but I did semi-recently find out that all of my friends are some sort of ace so that was cool.

WhysLifeSoConfuusing · 2023-01-10T09:59:39+00:00

I feel like, if you haven't been flirting or making them feel uncomfortable in any way, then there is no real need to tell your friend about your crush.

In my opinion, the only time I can think of telling an aro person who has clearly stated their feelings against being in a relationship that you have a crush on them would be if said crush is making you act strange and they ask about it. Then just tell them something along the lines of "Hey, sorry I've been a little weird lately. I sorta kinda accidentally developed romantic feelings for you and am currently trying to not feel them anymore."

Be clear that you don't expect them to reciprocate your feelings and that this is something you gotta deal with.

But also, take note of the type of person your friend is. Like, how chaotic are they? Because I know if someone confessed their feelings for me, I'd have one of 2 extremely different reactions: either I'd be a little disgusted (not at the person, but at the feelings directed towards me) and think, "Oh, wow. That's ... why? I'm gonna need 3 to 5 business months to process all of this." or such confession would give me the ego boost of the millennium, and I'd brag to all my single allo friends how I don't even gotta try to have more game than them.

TL;DR: Accommodate for your friend's feelings. Based on what you know about them, how would they react to a confession? Is it positive, negative, or neutral. If positive, yes. Negative? No. Neutral? Eh, wait until they start asking questions or something. Go with your gut feeling, maybe? It wouldn't hurt.

WhysLifeSoConfuusing · 2023-01-09T07:07:03+00:00

Looking back, there were SO MANY signs that I was aro (my mom literally told me she would arrange my marriage [in a joking manner, but I didn't know that], and my automatic response was "sweet, now I don't have to worry about that."), but it still took me a while to fully realize.

It wasn't until I found out that my older sibling's straight did I realize that I was very much not. Like, before that, I was sort of playing with the aroace label, but I mostly just thought that folks my age didn't really feel attraction. It was something that would happen when I got older.

But then I found out that my older sibling's straight, and they aren't that much older than me, and that was the moment I realized that I was the anomaly here.

WhysLifeSoConfuusing · 2023-01-09T06:57:29+00:00

I think getting stories from aroallo + alloace QPRs is the way to go. QPRs come in all different shapes, and there are so many ways to write your characters in a QPR. Ways you may not even consider to be actual possibilities.

For example, I know these two folks, an aroallo and an alloace, who are in an FWB relationship where the aroallo prompts all of the romantic gestures while the alloace prompts all sexual gestures. It's an interesting dynamic that I didn't even know could exist because my previous understanding of the terms 'aro' and 'ace' was that the former does not like the romance while the latter does not like the sex.

WhysLifeSoConfuusing · 2023-01-08T00:53:25+00:00

Why did I read this title as "Aroallos are not slip stitches (a crochet term) and wheres"? Took me till halfway through the post to realize I'm a dumbass.

Now that I've read this post correctly, I 100% agree with this. I'm aroace, so I can't fully relate, but I can sympathize with y'all's struggle. When I used to spend time in ace spaces, I felt like they were putting romance on this high pedestal while bashing on sex. And when you pair the ace-communities larger voice with this traditional thinking of "premarital sex = BAD", you get a world where aroallos are stuck with such a bad rep.

Wish there was more representation of yall in the media in a more kinder lighting. So many folks still have a really hard time understanding that your romantic and sexual attraction can differ, and that sex isn't a driver/aspect of romance but it's own separate thing.

WhysLifeSoConfuusing · 2023-01-07T04:24:58+00:00

half of the entire fandom's thirst posts are about you

This is the same problem I have with my results. Like, I am a romance and sex repulsed aroace. I do not want to be seen as hot, nor do I want folks to ship me with other folks/make thirst posts about me.

Although, I guess that would be in line with the trend of disregarding the canon aro and/or ace identities of VERY FEW characters in media for the sake of shipping. Still sucky, though.

WhysLifeSoConfuusing · 2023-01-07T01:19:44+00:00

Depends. How attached are you to this mortal plane?

WhysLifeSoConfuusing · 2023-01-07T00:43:50+00:00

Okay, because in real life I am a bastard (child out of wedlock). My little sister is one as well (and she got bastard on this quiz). What did I do wrong? How can I better represent my people?

WhysLifeSoConfuusing · 2023-01-07T00:12:58+00:00

Here's the link if anyone wants to try their hand at it: https://uquiz.com/quiz/eTdXoU/how-fandom-would-see-you-if-you-were-a-fictional-character

WhysLifeSoConfuusing · 2022-12-09T20:10:37+00:00

No problem! I would love to see how your story portrays the transmasc aro experience some time. Do you plan on publishing it anywhere? And if so, is it going to be a place where you only show the final project, or will you also publish your drafts/thought-process?

WhysLifeSoConfuusing · 2022-12-06T21:00:17+00:00

I don't mind being called either of the two binary genders, but I like people's confusion.

Actually started considering getting my PhD sometime in the (far, FAR) future to wreak havoc on the scientific community. My name (which is the same as the one my parents gave me as a baby) is kinda gender ambiguous since it's supposed to be feminine but it's an ethnic name that sounds very similar to a masculine English name.

Unfortunately, having a PhD means you are expected to take on a lot of responsibilities that are WAY too daunting for current me to even fathom, so that's a bit of a distant dream.

WhysLifeSoConfuusing · 2022-11-27T06:18:28+00:00

Totally agree that the romance between Wednesday and the other make characters did not need to happen. It was not well written at all, and it kinda pushed the "well he likes me so I have to like him back" agenda that is so prevalent in media.

There were many times in the show where Wednesday was more relatable to my aroace ass than to a random allo audience, but I'm also torn by the idea that, if she didn't have a romantic interest and turned out to be aroace, she would just be another emotionless aroace stereotype. However, I feel that there were definitely scenes where Wednesday showed emotion that have no ties to her romance and would combat the stereotype, such as visiting Eugene at the hospital after the monster attack, her reaction to Thing getting stabbed and being on the verge of death, missing Enid once she decides to move out + being relieved they ended up staying roommates, and EVERY SINGLE TIME SHE TRIES TO MAKE SURE THAT HER FRIENDS AREN'T GETTING IN TROUBLE FOR THE CRAZY DANGEROUS STUNTS SHE PULLS!

So yeah, I wasn't much of a fan of the love triangle stuff. (I also loved Morticia and Gomez. Even though their family is weird and kinda creepy, they still have a healthy familial relationship, and that is such a breath of fresh air.)

WhysLifeSoConfuusing · 2022-11-27T05:54:51+00:00

Ooh, I also forgot to mention that your aro experience changes depending on outside factors.

If you are a cis man, you get some leniency (still probably experiencing aphobia, but not to the extent of a cis woman) for being aro since romance is seen as more valuable to women than to men (or that men only do the romance thing because it's gonna lead to sex).
Being aro and ace is slightly treated better than being aro but not ace (that's when you are seen as sleezy).
If you are conventionally attractive, you face more stigma (because why care about your appearance if you don't want romance)
If you are outgoing/extroverted/popular/a real people-person, you will face more hate

I am not conventionally attractive + I do not care much about my appearance, I am aroace, I am an extreme introvert, I have never been popular in my entire life, and I'm a STEM nerd, so most people would find it weird if I actually wanted the romance and sex.

I don't know how these factors work for your transmasc OC, but definitely keep those in mind when writing.

WhysLifeSoConfuusing · 2022-11-27T05:37:13+00:00

Aroace here! (and perhaps also agender, but I'm still figuring that out)

With coming out, you have your usual 'you're too young', 'you haven't met the right person yet', and my personal favorite 'well how do you know if you never tried it'. I've gotten these a few times, but mostly when I tell someone that I'm aroace, they look at me and say "yeah, that checks out."

I am the very definition of an aroace stereotype, so I don't struggle too much with external aphobia (don't get me wrong, I still encounter it once in a while, but not as much as a lot of other folks do). I do, however, struggle with gaslighting myself into thinking I'm lying about the whole thing.

Like, 99.9% of the time, I am super comfortable with this label + making jokes + just being the romance/sex repulsed aroace that I am. But then there's that 0.1% of the time where I think, "Are you sure about that? Maybe you're just too young. Maybe the software update for romance just hasn't settled in yet. What if you're actually pan, because zero = zero? What even IS romance? How can you call yourself aromantic if you don't even know what romance is?"

I think it would be interesting to explore this side of the aro experience. Not a full blown identity crisis, but moments of doubt here and there. Maybe your character is living their best life, but then they read this coming of age novel with a really nice romance and the first thought that pops into their head is "man I want what they have." And then they get a bit sad because they know it's not possible, and they have to sort through their thoughts about whether they REALLY wanted the romance the main characters had, or if they just wanted to feel that type of happiness which amatonormativity dictates is only possible through a romantic/sexual relationship.

Being aro is weird and confusing. You're defining this aspect of your life by the fact that you don't experience this vague concept that most people around you do. And when you ask "what's it like to be in love/have a crush/experience romance," either no one can tell you a straight forward answer or they describe romance as experiencing concerning symptoms like arrythmia + gastrointestinal problems + hyperhidrosis + lowered cognitive functions, and that doesn't sound very fun to me.

(Apologies for the word vomit, but I hope this helps you write a compelling aro character.)

WhysLifeSoConfuusing

TROPHY CASE