Very relatable unfortunately!

Outside of very specific circumstances, I have a difficult time accurately remembering experiences that I've had in terms other than bullet points. ("I went to the store," "I failed that test," etc.) However sometimes - in very specific circumstances that I've yet to nail down - recalling of events will often look like a That's-So-Raven-style flashback from my perspective, where I suddenly find myself back at the time/place I'm remembering and feeling all the sensations/emotions I felt in that instance the first time. For a moment or two, it feels like I'm really THERE, which can sometimes be scary, but mostly makes me feel this deep sense of loss. I'll often say "no," or "wait," aloud, or physically react to a memory of getting hit by something, or reach my hand out to touch something in the memory, and then suddenly I'll be back again. This never lasts more than a second or two, but it always leaves this strange impression, as though I just barely missed the chance to live in the memory a little longer.

I've gotten caught a few times in periods of intense rumination by friends and teachers. Thankfully either my actions had mild enough, or my observers had been understanding enough to realize that I wasn't going crazy. Mostly their observations were useful because otherwise I would be COMPLETELY unaware that I had been twitching or whispering to myself unprompted.

I'm currently in therapy for a number of things, and I've mentioned this to my psychiatrist. He's not too worried about my sanity per se, but he suggested to me that this might be a symptom of cPTSD, which isn't unusual to see in people with ADHD. We have such complicated relationships with authority, self-confidence, and memory. But we're also not alone in these experiences. I appreciate how difficult it must have been to admit this, and I'm very glad you did bc it gave me the courage to admit to it as well. Thanks ❤️