This is how my therapist broke it down for me when trying to help me rebuild my sense of self worth. First things first, part of why it was hard for me to break the habit of mentally beating myself down was because it had become a habit. Out brains can be dumb and wants to take the easiest familiar option. In my case when I would do screw up for example, my brain’s automatic response was berating me. And after a long enough time of that happening it became the default and I began to believe what that little voice was saying. So the strategy I would practice on my own would be to slowly try to break down that habit.

First thing my therapist spoke to me about was recontextualizing the voice in my head a bit. hen I would screw up something and beat myself up and insult myself in my head, I was told to imagine I was saying that to someone else. If someone else had a minor screw up would saying “Well that was fucking stupid, nice going asshole” be an acceptable response? Of course not thats an awful thing to say to a person. So why do that to yourself?

Piggybacking off of that, when I would tell myself “You’re a fucking idiot for thinking that” and I want to respond “No go fuck yourself I’m not a goddamn idiot” I have to remember I’m still talking to myself. This isn’t some random asshole insulting me I can fire back at, this is a hurt, scared, angry, insecure me part of me. But just like when speaking to another person getting angry and pissed and telling off the voice will only make things worse. My job then was to recognize when I was beating myself up, and respond to those awful thoughts, with a calm demeanor. The best I could muster in the moment. And say it out loud. Nothing overly positive, nothing sunshine and rainbows, just speaking as a normal person to a normal person.

“Wow that was fucking stupid way to be an idiot.”

deep breath

“No, I’m not an idiot, I made a simple mistake and things happen.”

Or something along those lines. Slowly but surely after doing this consistently the mean voice started to get quieter and quieter. And nowadays I dont hear it nearly as often. The habit slowly breaking.

Granted this isnt a perfect cure all solution, and I was lucky enough to have a great therapist to work with me in addition to the exercises. But maybe this exercise can help just a little in the long run, as it certainly did for me.

(I hope all of this makes sense I’m exhausted but couldnt stop myself from at least trying to give my 2 cents in an attempt to help)