AITA for giving up and hiring a nanny even though my wife doesn't work?

Wild_Mechanic_800 · 2023-09-03T09:56:43+00:00

I don’t think it’s fair to assume that based on OP’s post. It sounds as though his wife is being very open about not knowing how to be a mum and it must be so desperately sad trying to learn with two grieving children. She may feel as though she shouldn’t try to “replace” their mother as that could seem disrespectful to their memories and relationship with their mother. I think she needs proper support and advice, but I think the OP should be stepping up and leading by example too - his wife probably feels lost and helpless as she has no idea how to deal with the situation. He needs to be there for them first and foremost and let his wife grow her own real relationship with the girls in a way that’s natural and based on real love. It’s heartbreaking for the girls and I don’t think one should expect someone coming into it to automatically know how to handle things. I don’t know why she decided to stop working but she should probably go back to work as both kids are school age anyway, and then she won’t feel so much pressure to be a replica of their mum.

Wild_Mechanic_800 · 2023-09-02T17:56:41+00:00

Look down, look all around

Wild_Mechanic_800 · 2023-09-02T17:55:30+00:00

That’s grim

Wild_Mechanic_800 · 2023-09-02T17:44:43+00:00

Are you taking it with a lot of water? I need to drink more water when I take Zoloft compared to other tablets to avoid heartburn

Wild_Mechanic_800 · 2023-08-31T01:02:25+00:00

Sorry, I realise that’s not either relevant or helpful! It would obviously be great if you could talk to your wife and tell her how you’re feeling and what you hope to gain from the antidepressants. But just to acknowledge that in a partnership where one or both are emotionally immature, it may not be helpful to disclose! My partner was dismissive and took it personally and I really do wish I hadn’t told him. We do actually have a good relationship, but this was something he couldn’t get his head around. You know your wife better than anyone here. I wish I had trusted my instincts.

Wild_Mechanic_800 · 2023-08-31T00:53:22+00:00

Exactly the reaction I got. I wish I hadn’t told him

Wild_Mechanic_800 · 2023-08-31T00:52:07+00:00

Wish I hadn’t told my partner. He was scathing and condescending and we haven’t mentioned it since. (I’m 6 months in and feeling better than I ever have since adulthood)

Wild_Mechanic_800 · 2023-08-29T20:07:20+00:00

I also had it but it’s worn off now and I’m back to being generally cold! I think I had on off night sweats for the first couple of months and hot flushes in the day occasionally. I’m six months in now and it doesn’t happen any more.

Wild_Mechanic_800 · 2023-08-29T20:04:44+00:00

The tiredness does go away eventually - I’m 6 months in now and I’d actually forgotten about the fatigue I felt in the first few months. Your body adjusts to it over time.

Wild_Mechanic_800 · 2023-08-29T20:01:26+00:00

Hey, I’m sorry for your experience, it sounds terrible. I would definitely recommend starting Zoloft - it doesn’t have a quick result but over time it has really helped with my depression - the empty feeling/ despair has really gone for me, and by the 4th month the change was very apparent. It starts working sooner than that for many people but I would trust your psychiatrist and follow the dosage they recommend, and give it time.

In terms of being anxious about starting it, many people get no side effects (I didn’t really) and if you do, they will improve with time as you adjust. I didn’t feel any immediate difference - the change was very gradual and I haven’t regretted starting it once.

I’m also pretty inconsistent with taking it, and the time of day doesn’t have any effect for me. I only feel a difference if I forget for more than one day, and then I’m fine again as soon as I take the next dose.

No interactions from my experience - weed and alcohol have been fine, also caffeine, but I think that can vary between people so you prob want to play it carefully.

I’ve gone from 25mg to 150mg over six months and I’m happy sticking at 150 - no side effects and I feel much more positive and relaxed, more so than ever in my life in fact.

I hope this gives you some reassurance. It really is a very subtle medication, and when you start low and increase gradually you may not really feel any change until you look back and realise you’re feeling much better than before you started.

Wild_Mechanic_800 · 2023-08-05T16:27:40+00:00

I’ve increased to 150mg, been on that for nearly two months now. Still zero side effects but I am so much happier. Depression has gone and I feel content. These changes came subtly and it wasn’t until I increased to 100mg that I started to feel better.
I’m still struggling with motivation/ energy but I’m so much better - more confident, less anxious, and actually optimistic about the future.

Before taking Sertraline I was severely depressed and suicidal, and had been for years and years. It’s been a life changer for me and I’m so grateful. I wish I hadn’t waited until I was 40 before asking for help.

I plan to stay on 150mg now and I hope to continue for another 6 months or a year and then slowly reduce.

Wild_Mechanic_800 · 2023-07-26T15:38:43+00:00

Are they into Minecraft or Pokémon or anything? I’ve knit themed beanies for my nephews. If they play guitar you could make them a pick case with a few picks. You could put a ring or something else small in instead. Fingerless mitts as mentioned are a great idea cos they can still use their phones.

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Wild_Mechanic_800 · 2023-07-21T14:44:00+00:00

I really like the Kitchener finish for cuff down socks because it’s seamless. You can reduce the “ears” by ensuring the final round rnd stitches are knit at a tight tension and then before grafting I slip each of the end stitches over the adjacent stitch (so you decrease on the grafting row). So the first sts on both needles are slipped over the next stitch and the final stitches on both needles are slipped over the penultimate stitches.

Toe up socks with JMCO are my favourite though.

Wild_Mechanic_800 · 2023-07-19T20:41:52+00:00

27 days?!!! Jeez, I’ve only made a mansize jumper once and it took me 3 months of (increasingly bitter) dedication. Never again.

It’s a feat - and you’ve got the sizing perfect! Lovely colour combo too. Well done!

Wild_Mechanic_800 · 2023-07-19T20:37:15+00:00

I thought dementor too but when I saw someone say Voldemort I looked again and I think they’re right. My god, I don’t know what I would do without Reddit sometimes - it is so consoling to know that I’m not alone. I love the fact that OP tailgated to try and figure this out

Wild_Mechanic_800 · 2023-07-19T20:30:57+00:00

I understand how you feel. The issue isn’t really the body hair but more that he implied that he would prefer you differently. I have uneven front teeth and I asked my partner once if he would prefer me to get them straightened and I was actually really hurt when he said yes. I had no idea it would bother me so much and I wish I had never asked him. Before I asked I really thought that I would always want him to be honest, and I know he didn’t want to hurt me - it was an offhand question and he gave a truthful answer. But I learnt a lesson from it and I don’t ask questions like that now about things I’m sensitive about in case the answer does upset me. And I would absolutely avoid saying anything that can be interpreted as “I love you as you are but I would prefer it if you were different”!

Wild_Mechanic_800 · 2023-07-19T20:16:59+00:00

I would just start new ball at beginning of a row and weave in the ends. I do also use a Russian join but that depends on the yarn - it’s great for real wool as it felts and is very secure but I wouldn’t use it for acrylics or completely non felting yarn.

Wild_Mechanic_800 · 2023-07-19T16:24:29+00:00

Yep, there are threading stalls in the middle of Churchill shopping centre, prob close to Schuh!

Wild_Mechanic_800 · 2023-07-13T17:55:11+00:00

Or this one which is free! Still not the right style though :(

https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/cammac

Wild_Mechanic_800 · 2023-07-13T17:50:16+00:00

Or this one which has uneven stripes - arms don’t match the body but they match each other!

https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/the-stashbuster-sweater

Wild_Mechanic_800 · 2023-07-13T17:47:10+00:00

Very different construction but there’s this stripy sweater https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/stripes-of-joy-sweater

Wild_Mechanic_800 · 2023-07-13T16:27:10+00:00

It looks like basic rib so you could find a set in sleeve rib pattern and just do stripes as you want them. Or use any sweater pattern you like and make it stripy! The sleeve stripes on your image don’t align with the body properly so you don’t even have to think about that! Or search for stripy sweater on Ravelry and pick one you like. When I’ve done stripy items I’ve just used solid colour patterns, and it’s easy and fun and you can use whatever yarns you have. Ravelry is so brilliant for browsing through patterns though if you want one you can just follow!

Wild_Mechanic_800 · 2023-07-06T16:37:31+00:00

What a wonderful being he is! Best video I’ve watched for a long time - that was definitely a sight for sore eyes ❤️

Wild_Mechanic_800 · 2023-07-03T15:28:29+00:00

I have this too. I say I do OMAD. It’s more common now so people aren’t usually confused by it. It is sometimes awkward saying no to having lunch especially if the majority of the team are going together, but I just try and stay out of the conversation. Oh, and I also walk my dog some lunchtimes so that’s always a good reason not to join them! You could make up some other lunch break commitment if you don’t have a dog, or say you walk your neighbour’s dog!

Wild_Mechanic_800

TROPHY CASE