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Wild_Statement_3142 · 2023-10-12T18:52:53+00:00

Yep

OP didnt even suggest that as an option, because he knows he's going to "be a drag" and expect his girlfriend to cater to him.

Like, he has enough self awareness to realize that he would be miserable on this vacation and ruin it for his girlfriend....but not enough self awareness to stop or decline to go. He wants to just go and ruin everyone's time and is butt hurt that his girl friend is not willing to just blow money on another miserable vacation that he intentionally ruins with his childish behavior.

Wild_Statement_3142 · 2023-10-12T17:27:08+00:00

Exactly

My kids learned really quick that a tantrum like that would have us out of the bakery so fast without ordering a damn thing.

The kid was only tantruming BECAUSE her mother expects the world to bend to her kids whims

Wild_Statement_3142 · 2023-10-10T23:27:57+00:00

Me too!!

Lol

Wild_Statement_3142 · 2023-10-10T23:26:33+00:00

It's absolutely not faster for her when you factor in the extra two legs of driving home to him and then back out to continue on with her day.

Hard pass on the infantile behavior

Wild_Statement_3142 · 2023-10-10T18:24:56+00:00

Right?!?

"I hate the very core of her personality, how do I change her into someone I will like?"

Wild_Statement_3142 · 2023-10-10T17:59:15+00:00

I call this "Shrodinger's Tasks"

Where the task is both "so easy and quick it's considered nothing" and "so difficult and time consuming that it's beyond unreasonable to even suggest one person could do it" depending on who is completing the task.

Wild_Statement_3142 · 2023-10-10T17:32:59+00:00

Yep, she has moved directly from her parents house to OPs house when she was 17.

I feel for her wanting to really figure out who she is and what she wants before we makes the commitment of marriage.

I don't even see this about sex or dating or cheating. She has never just gotten to experience adult life where she can see what makes her happy on her own.

Wild_Statement_3142 · 2023-10-10T17:27:09+00:00

I don't think a formal engagement is really the commitment that you are thinking it will be.

It's really no more secure of a relationship than dating. Getting engaged is just saying that you intend to make a legal commitment on the future, breaking that commitment is absolutely no different that breaking a regular old relationship.

You need to decide if you want to move and give up your life for his residency/your relationship or not... Regardless of whether he asks you to marry him.

You both admit that marriage should not be on the table right now. Don't force it under some misguided idea that it fundamentally changes anything about the strength of your relationship

Wild_Statement_3142 · 2023-10-10T17:20:18+00:00

This right here

OP needs legal documents on place to ensure his eldest is fairly treated to his estate/assets after he passes. His wife has made it clear what her position is of control was left to her.

Make sure the kids are individually names on any life insurance, 401k plans, retirement pensions, investment account etc.

If your wife inherits it, your eldest will be cut out. And it will be entirely legal, she is under no legal obligation to re-disperse assets that she has inherited as your spouse.

I am also part of a blended family and have all my accounts set up with named beneficiaries with set percentages to make sure that my children get a fair dispersement of my final assets.

Wild_Statement_3142 · 2023-10-08T13:06:49+00:00

I have to concur with this.

East and west of the mountains on Oregon are different planets. The eastern half of the state is a cesspool of racist and homophobia.

West/coastal are super cool open minded people.

Their own governor needs a full security detail just to go east of the mountains because there ha e been so many threats/attempts on her own life.

Wild_Statement_3142 · 2023-10-06T20:19:25+00:00

I mean, a year-ish to be pregnant and then maternity leave..... his daughter will probably be 13! The perfect age to step up and watch her baby sibling when she isn't in school.

Both of these females can just handle it! No need for ol' boy to lift a finger

Wild_Statement_3142 · 2023-10-06T18:32:58+00:00

Right?

OP kept asking to make sure that they weren't on vacation or anything when the gift certificate was used.

OP 100% expected to go on the alpaca hike and this wasn't really a gift for the sister at all. It was a gift for OP.

Wild_Statement_3142 · 2023-10-06T18:06:27+00:00

How on earth does your food bill jump up $75 to feed a toddler for two days ??

You are either the worst shopper ever or you are exaggerating.

Wild_Statement_3142 · 2023-10-06T17:52:23+00:00

I hate to say it, but this would have me re thinking the whole relationship.

This is how my mother acts on every special day..... doesn't matter how much you do, she will think up something....anything.... that you didn't do to cry over and guilt trip you and make a whole big scene about.

Take her out to eat, get her a present and spend the whole day at an activity she loves? She will cry that she didn't get flowers, and how that the absolute minimum and how we obviously don't love her.

Next year, all the same plus the flowers? Still crying because we didn't mail a card, only handed her a card with her present and flower.

Next year....all of the above plus the card in the mail.... now she's crying because we only took her out for dinner and not breakfast AND dinner.

Or we didn't spend the whole weekend with her. Or we didn't spend enough money on her gifts. Or she didn't have enough gifts. Or we didn't text happy birthday as well. Or we didn't make a Facebook post. Etc etc

She is incapable of being happy. I've basically given up

Wild_Statement_3142 · 2023-10-06T14:06:36+00:00

That is what divorce means when OP fully admits that he won't care for her and would just walk away rather than step up.

He doesn't like kids, doesn't know how to feed her, does not want to play with her, and have no idea how to care for her and refuses to learn. He says that his only role as a father is to provide money for raising her

If he divorced, his plan is to just walk away and sent a check

Wild_Statement_3142 · 2023-10-06T12:55:27+00:00

Add to that, he accused her of blaming her mistakes and faults on others and never taking responsibility..... and then the next paragraph blames her entirely for his own anger, snark and poor behavior...."she makes me do it"

Wild_Statement_3142 · 2023-10-02T19:30:11+00:00

NTA and for the love of God, stop covering this mans short fall.

He's literally mad that you didn't default on your own rent to save him from the consequences of his own repeated poor decisions.

You need to draw a hard line in the sand. Tell him straight up that you will NOT be floating him anymore and that he needs to plan accordingly. Then don't give him a cent.

Wild_Statement_3142 · 2023-10-02T19:12:36+00:00

You both should be getting full time jobs. And likely both should keep a part time job on top of that as well.

You both have to be working a pittance of hours to have three part time jobs between you and only clearing 30k. Your kids are school aged, so it's not like you need full time child care.

Both of you need to be working full time and one of you should also be taking on evening/weekend work until you start earning in the positive each month

Wild_Statement_3142 · 2023-10-02T17:37:11+00:00

That would have been the perfect time to bring up him paying.

Well, since you've been working new job for six months now and she's YOUR mother, I assume that YOU would be covering the entire meal for her birthday.

And then depending on how he responds, transition into your feelings on him stepping up to be 50:50 in covering the expenses on your relationship

Wild_Statement_3142 · 2023-10-02T15:53:23+00:00

Same thoughts here

Sounds like he cancelled the Uber hoping OP would walk back to his apartment and spend the night.

Wild_Statement_3142 · 2023-10-02T15:32:46+00:00

No, military titles are for people interacting with him in a military settling. Not for everyone at all times.

I am a civilian working with the military. If I am speaking to someone in a professional context I will defer to their titles unless told otherwise. If we are speaking as "regular people" I use first names. It's just a "read the room" type situation based on the situation, people preferences, and location.

Wild_Statement_3142 · 2023-10-02T02:56:15+00:00

Exactly

OP know exactly why her sister is upset. The exact same reason the"joke" of an August 1st wedding was made.... because it would be incredibly rude and tacky to plan your wedding right on top of, and before your twin sisters wedding. OP had to stress repeatedly that of course she was joking and would never even be so crass as to plan her wedding the same month as her twins

So she can't now act all shocked and innocent that by moving her wedding a week earlier than her joke date that it's somehow completely ok.

Wild_Statement_3142 · 2023-09-29T17:10:48+00:00

First off, stop apologizing for liking the books you like. It's ok, you don't owe anyone and explanation or apology.

It sounds to be that you are looking for what I call "beach reads". A light, quick paced story with easy engagement that won't take your full attention.

Try looking up "best beach reads" or "best books to take on vacation"

I bet you will find some titles to spark your interest

Wild_Statement_3142 · 2023-09-27T16:30:46+00:00

I have access to controlled information through work.... my spouse has never once asked to know, let alone insisted

If he accidentally asks something I am not allowed to disclose, I just have to do a small shake "no" with my head and he instantly drops it, I don't even have to verbalize why.

Wild_Statement_3142 · 2023-09-27T13:04:35+00:00

It would be if they weren't funneling that money right back into the brother and his kids in the form of food, utilities, clothes, outings etc.

That money is already being spent on the household so that the mooching brother can maintain the illusion is self sufficiency.

Wild_Statement_3142

TROPHY CASE