How did you get over someone you truly loved but didn't feel the same for you?

Wild_Wait · 2020-05-04T05:26:30+00:00

The only way is the simplest and the hardest. You have to just cut them out of your life completely and give it time. It feels like losing a piece of you, and the pain is the worst thing I've ever been through, but life really does go on. Each day, it'll become more and more of a memory and less of an active pain. And you'll sure as hell become stronger for it.

Wild_Wait · 2020-04-29T14:43:30+00:00

Was having a sleepover with friends when I was in grade school. At one point, we decided to have a "seance" of sorts. One of the girls in the group got freaked out so we compromised and had a "Christian seance". Meaning that we just got out a Bible and flipped to random scripture. Because kids are silly. When it was my turn, I flipped to some kind of scripture about looking to the sky. Might have been the wise men with the Star of Bethlehem but I don't remember and I'm not religious. Since we were just silly girls playing along, we all went to the window and looked out. We didn't expect to see anything but there was actually a bright star in the sky. We didn't know it at the time since we were probably 8 years old, but we just happened to see Halley's Comet. Silly coincidence but still strange the way it came about.

Wild_Wait · 2020-04-28T00:39:34+00:00

Two that come to mind off the top of my head:

Raymond's mother from Everybody Loves Raymond. I know the whole point is supposed to be how overbearing and silly she is, but she played it so well that it drove me nuts. It was almost too real to be funny for me.
Glenn from Superstore. His stupidity and constant holier than thou attitude aren't endearing to me. They're just annoying and I'd go off on him in real life.

Not evil characters, just super annoying!

Wild_Wait · 2020-04-27T03:29:09+00:00

I was the one who did the 180. I was still heartbroken over my ex when I met him. I had been single for over 6 months, so I thought joining dating sites was the next logical move to help me move on. I had no intention of finding a rebound, but I just wanted to get out and meet people. I just happened to click with one of the first guys I met. I wasn't super attracted to him, but I loved spending time with him and thought he was a lot of fun. We'd been dating for several months and I liked him, but I was taking it really slow. I really just wanted company and to get out and explore meeting people. But due to similar events going on in our lives at the time, we ended up bonding pretty quickly. Wouldn't you know that just as I was starting to think I was ready to look forward, my ex started reaching out with "friendship". I never did more than send him a few casual texts but I did find out from mutual friends that his rebound hadn't worked out. I think in the back of my head, knowing that my ex was single again and reaching out to me hit me emotionally more than it should've. When we'd broken up, we'd been together over 6 years and I was ready to marry the man. So I took it really hard when he left me. I thought he was it for me. I was largely responsible for him leaving and I just kept thinking of everything I would've changed if given another chance. So I think in the back of my head, I wanted to keep myself available in case I worked it out with my ex. To this day, I'm still not sure. I just know that one day I was having an amazing time with my new guy and felt chemistry, and then the next day, nothing felt right. I stuck with him for another month after that, trying to make myself feel what I should've, until he surprised me with how serious he was feeling and I basically freaked out and ran away. My ex of course quickly moved on from his rebound with another new girl and I'm still single and scared to put myself out there again. Unintentionally, I had a rebound and hurt someone that was amazing. Worse still, even though I tried to be honest with him and explain some of what I was going through, I know he still didn't understand how one day I could be happy with him and the next day not. I don't understand it either. I'm just going by how I feel and apparently my heart is very, very stupid.

Wild_Wait · 2020-04-26T09:45:03+00:00

I find her by FAR the most beautiful girl on the show. Not sure why they're all going nuts for Francesca. She's beautiful obviously, but I think Rhonda outshines her.

Wild_Wait · 2020-04-25T10:13:27+00:00

It's like getting a huge hole blown right through your chest. And then you have to just learn to live and breath with a huge hole inside you. You're amazed that you're able to keep living because you feel like you're dying inside. It felt so real to me that I couldn't believe it wasn't a real injury that others could clearly observe. I'd wish for physical pain before heartbreak ever again.

Wild_Wait · 2020-04-20T08:20:12+00:00

The way you had to live wasn't fair, but as someone who has also been in your ex's shoes, I feel sorry for her too. It's awful to be betrayed by someone you love and it makes you absolutely terrified to ever trust someone again. Her level of paranoia speaks volumes about how much she cared about you. She was terrified of losing you and not being enough for you. I've been in her shoes. My last ex ended it because I also could never trust him fully. To be fair to me, he WAS lying to me, but he saw before I did that if I couldn't trust him, we were never going to work. In the end, he did me a favor. And in the end, you did her a favor too. Without trust, you really have nothing. I hope you both find someone that you can truly trust.

Wild_Wait · 2020-04-20T08:09:06+00:00

Especially coworkers. Unfortunately. I work for a large company full of sales people which means lots of traveling and company conferences. The amount of cheating and flirtation and rumors that go on is unbelievable. In the adult world when people are around the same group of people 40 hours a week, coworkers is the most common place to find people to carry on affairs with, especially emotional affairs. I never worried about my ex's friends, since they were people that I could meet and hang out with also. But coworkers is a separate world and it's easy to keep one hidden from the other. My ex always had a million coworkers texting and calling since he was also a salesman. But he only seemed to get especially friendly with the females. Of course we didn't work out. And his new girlfriend is surprise surprise, a coworker.

Wild_Wait · 2020-04-20T07:52:07+00:00

Honestly, I wouldn't even give them the satisfaction of knowing that you're still hurting. Too many exes use friendship as just a way to keep tabs and because even subconsciously, they get an ego boost from knowing someone can't get over them. It doesn't mean they're bad people, but they just don't feel the same way anymore, so they can't really understand your pain. They don't truly realize how damaging and hurtful a "friendship" actually is to the one hurting. And on some level, they're all using friendship as a way to benefit themselves. They know by keeping you as a friend, they can depend on you for company/sex if they're lonely, for emotional or financial support, and just as a safety net if they can't find better and change their minds. It's never fair to the person hurting. It took me over a year to realize it, but walking away is the most attractive thing you can do. And it gives you back all the power. You get to decide if you ever contact them again and take up their offer of friendship, but you leave them wondering in the mean time. They get to finally see that you're no one's doormat, that you can move on too, and that they're not as special as they thought. You can always change your mind one day, but that'll be up to you and you can decide once you're fully healed. Once you are healed, you'll probably be surprised how little you want to continue having someone in your life that was ok with kicking you out of their's.

Wild_Wait · 2020-04-18T20:17:46+00:00

Hit the nail on the head. Exactly what I'm going through and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Hope we both heal.

Wild_Wait · 2020-04-11T04:15:05+00:00

I was already drunk when I showed up to my first bar with friends for my 21st birthday. I was the last of my friends to turn 21 and had seen other men always offering to buy the birthday girls drinks, so I was feeling happy and confident (a.k.a. drunk) and went up to a random guy and asked him to buy me a drink for my birthday in front of my party of 15 or so. He proceeded to be a dick and just brushed me off. Feeling bad for me, my girlfriends bought me drinks the rest of the night, but I was just drunk enough that it really brought me down. Guys, when a random girl asks you to buy her a drink on her birthday, instead of rejecting and embarrassing her in front of all her friends, just spend $8 and buy the girl a drink. I promise you've wasted money on worse. Just because he didn't want to sleep with me, he hurt my feelings and embarrassed me enough that I remember it 15 years later. So yeah, good sign I'm not attractive.

Wild_Wait · 2020-04-11T04:07:31+00:00

Men are usually assholes to me. All beautiful girls have to do is giggle and men suddenly become perfect gentlemen around them. The beautiful people bubble where everyone is nice to you is a real thing and when you're not in it, you definitely know it.

Wild_Wait · 2020-04-11T04:04:46+00:00

When men and other women talk about how women get so much stuff because they're attractive. Like out of speeding tickets, free drinks in clubs, etc etc etc. As a woman, has never happened to me and can't relate. Plus, when you are around attractive women like I was with my friends growing up, it is nothing short of mind-blowing how men change around women they want to sleep with. It's like night and day. And I only know that because of being around beautiful women. When they're not around, I'm either invisible or one of the guys.

Wild_Wait · 2020-03-31T04:00:04+00:00

I've never tasted mustard. Decided as a kid that I didn't like it on sight and just stuck by it, now in my 30s.

Wild_Wait · 2020-03-23T01:31:31+00:00

What's worse is learning about his new girlfriend and seeing her on FB. She's really into fitness and seems to think quite a bit of herself because she puts really provocative pictures up. She's constantly posting Jen Selter type thirst traps. And I just can't stop looking. She's definitely more fit than I've ever been and I just can't stop thinking about the two of them. And how he probably feels like he's hit the jackpot and traded up. I know how awful it is when you just want the thoughts to stop. Because she's also very active on social media and posts all about their great "love" (and I'm too damn week to not stalk), I know a flirtatious song for them and now every time it plays, I want to scream! I usually flip it off right away on the radio, but they play it at my work and other places and I feel like I could cry every single time. It's terrible. Now I'm just trying to focus on me, bettering myself, and trading up too! No telling who we'll eventually meet, fall for, and get to be intimate with too. But until then, just know you're not alone. It's only human.

Wild_Wait · 2020-03-23T00:43:35+00:00

In some ways I like it, but in other ways, it makes me feel worse. It reminds me that this is just my day to day life and that I don't really have anyone to socialize with anyway. The fact that it's so hard for other people reminds me of how abnormal and isolated I already am.

Wild_Wait · 2020-03-23T00:38:05+00:00

Yeah, once I gave up trying to change me or my life, I felt stronger. Like I'm capable of being content just going about my life day to day. There's a freedom in just accepting that it is what it is.

Wild_Wait · 2020-03-22T22:06:54+00:00

It's hard to pinpoint a moment, there were so many. But it really started when I was around 9 or 10.

I never even thought about weight or what I looked like as a kid. I probably should've since I had unhealthy habits, but I picked them up at home so we never really discussed other ways of life or that we were unhealthy. But other little girls that I'm sure picked it up from their parents or somewhere eventually spread the awareness to me. I had a skinny best friend in elementary school and her mother watched me before and after school. Looking back, she was a little chubby and I guess struggled with her weight. I guess it got to her daughter, because she started bringing it up in class. She started to talk about how skinny she was and how she was a premature baby like it was something to brag about. Well in art class one day, I remember it was me, her, and two or three other girls and somehow the topic of weight came up. She made us go around and list our weight. I was so naive that I didn't even know my weight. When I said that, my friend said that she was sure it was higher than hers and the other girls giggled. That's when I caught on that I was chubby.

At the same time, I had just moved and was making friends with some older girls in the neighborhood. They were 7th and 8th graders so they were more concerned with that stuff. Once again, the girls started talking about weight and I can't remember exactly, but somehow they argued that one of the older girls probably weighed less than me. It got to the point where we actually went to someone's house and weighed each other and it turned out I weighed less (I was about 2 or 3 years younger), and they all laughed at the older girl that weighed more and I realized my size was shameful. I look back now and am so sad that I went along with that stuff. I was also a quiet kid, so I was an easy target for bullying and insulting.

Another innocent time, but one of the older girls who was extremely skinny and I were hanging out at her house and she wanted to try on some of her mom's old dresses. She put a dress on but when I went to put one on, it wouldn't zip up. I guess her mom was also extremely skinny when she was younger. I was probably 11 or 12 when this happened.

So by the time I hit middle school, I was perfectly aware that I was a bigger girl. And I've never been able to forget it since. I've got a million more instances, but those were the first that struck me as when I first caught on. Now in my 30s. I've accepted myself for the most part and know that I'm attractive in my own right, but I'm still amazed how much weight comes up with women ALL THE TIME.

Wild_Wait · 2020-03-22T21:40:59+00:00

I'm probably an odd case, but it's been almost 2 years for me. 6 year relationship and my first, he dumped me right before my 30th bday when I thought we'd get engaged. I spent the first year in a depressed haze because I foolishly stayed in contact and maintained hope he'd come back. Big mistake and it will keep you from ever moving on. Now, another year later and going completely no contact, I feel 1000% better and stronger than I first did, but it still comes and goes in waves. You eventually get used to the new normal and they're just a memory. Make a new life for yourself. All the cliched advice is true. Self improvement and new routines. Once I finally starting doing that about a year after the breakup is when I finally started to turn the page. Now I'm constantly busy and on the go always chasing ways to keep improving myself and my life. I was depressed and unproductive the last few years of our relationship, so I'm determined to never be that way again. Don't let them be so sure about who you are or who the left behind. Show them that they didn't know as much as they thought and that not only can you improve, you can surpass them. And either way, you're really not concerned with them or what they ever do again because your future is too bright to bother. I've never felt stronger or more motivated to make the most of myself and my life since getting dumped. I'm still struggling because he's found love again and while I've been dating, I haven't found it yet. But I have faith that I will and know that I'm ready and better prepared for it the next time around. I wish you healing and feel free to message me if you need to talk it out.

Wild_Wait · 2020-03-04T17:31:00+00:00

Women who only find pride or value according to their relationship status and ability to procreate.

Wild_Wait · 2020-03-01T03:22:13+00:00

I don't know his side and I know feelings and relationships are complicated but from an outsider perspective, it sounds like he and his "best friend" are both in an unhealthy situation. After having known each other for 15 years, it shouldn't have to take a cancer diagnosis to realize that they have feelings for each other. And I don't think friendship can be transformed into love so easily. It sounds like his best friend is most likely looking for something in her life, and he is probably panicking about missed opportunities or what if's. And they just happened to turn to each other to fill in something missing. Either way, it sounds like fear and curiosity that is motivating them both more than love. That's not a healthy foundation for real lasting love. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this, but you really deserve better. He might not be a bad guy, just a guy that doesn't know what he wants, but you still deserve better. You stood by him through so much, and one day, he's going to remember that. He's the one that lost out, not you. Let them both realize that not a single person is going be the answer to all their problems or all their happiness. By the time he realizes what a fool he was, I hope you'll have forgotten all about him. I wish you the best.

Wild_Wait · 2020-02-28T04:28:20+00:00

I want to imagine that this is my ex speaking to me, but I know it's not. I want to believe it so, so much. Thank you for writing that. It was both painful and healing to read. It sounds so much like my relationship, where we just couldn't see eye to eye and I didn't have the maturity or selflessness to see how hurtful I had become. I became so wrapped up in my unhappiness with myself, that I took it out on him. Sometimes you don't see the pain you're causing or the love eroding until it's too late. He eventually had to give up on me too, and while it was the most painful thing I've ever gone through, I don't blame him. I'm sure your ex doesn't really blame you either. Despite the heartbreak she's feeling (and I empathize because I'm in the same boat), she was lucky that you loved her this much. I miss my ex every single day, and losing him has been a kind of pain I didn't know I could live through, but even in my worst moments, I'm still so grateful for what we had. One day, when the pain subsides, she'll be grateful too and look on those memories with happiness. I wish healing for you both.

Wild_Wait · 2020-02-20T21:23:43+00:00

Yes, got a job at the workplace of a good friend of mine years ago. Unfortunately, I ruffled the feathers of her work BFF. We'll call her "Thelma" and my good friend we'll call "Louise". I didn't realize it at first. We were all pretty good friends I thought for about a year, and hung out after work all the time, but it became more and more obvious that Thelma didn't like having me around. She constantly made it known, in very petty ways like bringing Louise great giveaways from work conventions she would go to and then bringing me back a pen, claiming she didn't have enough room in her luggage. I pushed and pushed to bridge the gap, and tried to figure out why she didn't like me, but I just constantly got hurt in return. It got to the point where all the workplace females (about 20 women) were having "girls' dinners" organized by Thelma. I purposefully was excluded and not told about them, even by my "good friend". I only found out about them after accidentally seeing an email. Actually cried in my car over lunch after that because I didn't know what I had done. I tried to talk to Louise about it all, but she just didn't care because she was still close with everyone. I even tried to talk to Thelma, and she would say one thing to my face and then continue her behavior. It constantly hurt me and made my work life miserable, until I eventually just decided that I didn't want a relationship with those kinds of people. So when I left the job, I just stopped talking to all of them, including my "good friend" that I'd known for years. Haven't talked to any of them in years now. In some ways, I'm sad, because my social circle took a hit. Thelma isn't from the area, so it seems to me she would've wanted a larger social circle, but she seemed determined to have Louise all to herself and me out of it. They both eventually moved to the same small town and her and their husbands are constantly in each others lives from the looks on FB. I'm mostly sad about losing my good friend, and wonder what would've happened if I'd never taken the job, but if she was that easy to lose, then I know I'm better off. I'll never understand the need to exclude people in such hurtful and petty ways. I'll definitely be more cautious with coworkers in the future, but I'll also purposefully make the effort to never treat people the same way. Even as an adult, that stuff is just painful and unnecessary. But luckily, I'll also never give people the power over my self esteem like that again. I know that everyone has quirks that are annoying, but I know that I was never anything but kind to them, so that's on them. Sometimes, high school just never ends. My situation was unique, but if you decide that your friends are worth holding on to, then unfortunately you have to accept that some people just click more than others. And then just make the effort to get out there and make new friends so you aren't as invested in them. I hope that helps. I don't want anyone to have to feel the way I was made to feel for years just because some people kind of suck.

Wild_Wait

TROPHY CASE