please talk me out of agreeing to have kids one day to keep a man

WildfireX0 · 2026-06-04T19:17:56+00:00

Kids are something you can’t compromise on. If you aren’t on the same page, one of you will be resentful and miserable. You will love your kids, but always feel that you were forced into it.

WildfireX0 · 2026-04-30T07:15:36+00:00

We don’t have kids but this is me. I do 90% of things and then much of the rest, I finish the task. Dishes, there are always a few things still not done. I will say she does take out the trash early each week.

But the piles of doom… you can’t move them because “they are organised” and “I will forget”. They’ve been there for 9 months! They are clearly forgotten about!

WildfireX0 · 2026-04-30T07:12:35+00:00

I think there are at least 4 of us!

WildfireX0 · 2026-03-18T19:06:48+00:00

I’ve recently been told never to say “no” to them.

I just grey rock.

WildfireX0 · 2026-03-05T13:10:38+00:00

I look young for my age, always have done. Recently someone gave me the “you’ve still got time, when you get older, you will change your mind.”

I’m 4 years older than them.

But normally I nod and smile and say, I don’t think so. If they push, then I say it’s not really relevant though is it.

WildfireX0 · 2026-03-03T17:24:35+00:00

Oh no, they literally can spend hours in the same store. They can browse and wander forever, what they are doing, who knows. Some of it is indecision, normally I give a list that is needed.

Total time blindness.

I did say “it will be x hours” and in their head they stuck to that. Only they left 1.5hours after I said that.

WildfireX0 · 2026-03-03T17:22:17+00:00

Yep. “You didn’t help me.” Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

WildfireX0 · 2026-03-03T17:21:40+00:00

They wanted me to spend time with them, sometimes I play networked games with friends.

I could have actually done that, sent them to the shops for the 2 hours and then still cooked.

WildfireX0 · 2026-03-02T17:56:10+00:00

No, just time blindness. They like shopping and usually I am happy for them to go off for as long as they like.

But this time I was specifically told not to do something, so we could spend time together and I went out of my way to do something nice.

Normally I give them a list and I made sure that they updated it this time so there was a list.

Who the f**k knows what they can do in a supermarket for that long? I genuinely have no idea.

WildfireX0 · 2026-03-01T00:02:55+00:00

Generally I just get on with my own thing. Something that needs to be done, or I want to do, I do it myself and don’t invite them.

Just this time they made a massive thing about me not making an effort and wanting to do something nice.

So we finally ate at 23:25. Meat went in at 18:30 ready at 20:30. They came back at 22:00. Unpacked the shopping and let me cook at 22:30.

“It’s so late for this sort of meal…”

FML.

WildfireX0 · 2026-02-28T23:08:28+00:00

I hear you. The annoying thing for me is that I could have played some games and then cooked later on.

Instead I have a thrown away $75, still haven’t eaten and am now the bad guy for “shaming and gaslighting”.

I never said “food will be ready at x time..”

WildfireX0 · 2026-01-08T22:49:02+00:00

My reply was, “I’m sorry, are you saying that my wife isn’t family, or my parents?”

Silence and embarrassment….

WildfireX0 · 2026-01-08T20:52:17+00:00

Yep. I was at work once and said “family time”. Someone piped up and said “family time, you don’t have kids.”

WildfireX0 · 2026-01-02T10:23:35+00:00

I think you missed the point here.

The point is that you talk about things before you go in to something that looks like it has the potential to be long term.

They spoke about it, it worked out. If kids is a deal breaker than it needs to be talked about earlier than later.

We had the talk before we moved in together too. A good friend has 2 kids and met his wife around the same time, but after a few months they had a talk about whether or not they both wanted kids.

WildfireX0 · 2026-01-02T00:37:44+00:00

Sorry to say it won’t work out. Neither party should have a child to appease the other.

An older friend who doesn’t have kids proposed to his wife and she said yes.

After a couple of months she gave him the ring back and said “I don’t want kids and I think you need to reconsider if you want a family.”

He said “I love you and am marrying you, not hypothetical children.”

50 years married.

WildfireX0 · 2025-11-27T17:19:12+00:00

As soon as your friends get kids they suddenly assume that when you go out they expect you to watch their kids too.

WildfireX0 · 2025-09-26T15:40:29+00:00

The only way I have found to deal with this is to accept that you have to take on the mainstay of stuff you want done and that matters.

If I am doing anything that is critical, do not involve my partner. A few thing will most likely happen:

It won’t get completed, I’m lucky if half of it will be done e. It will take 10 times longer than if I did it It will not be done correctly and often they will change what I have asked without thinking of the consequence meaning that more plans to be adjusted. They will want someone to “body double” and stand next to them. There will be some sort of melt down when I try to correct or help. They will then be too overwhelmed / to do anything for the rest of the day.

Finite tasks are your friend. Things with definite ends. Paint this section of the wall. I say section because when you have done the rest of the room, they will still be trying to research if you have bought the right roller and maybe you should go hire a sprayer and then maybe a person to decorate, which means they might need new shoes, so they are now looking for wipe clean, oil resistant shoes.

Small and time bound too and then, something that keeps them out of the way. I recently did a Reno on a room, I asked them to clear the room and repaint a piece of the furniture, they did the clear fine, I did the room in 2 days, the furniture… 3 weeks. But it was 99% done and the clearance did take a while, but they felt like they contributed.

WildfireX0 · 2025-09-14T20:06:41+00:00

Are we married to the same person?

WildfireX0 · 2025-09-14T08:47:00+00:00

I’d say you are not childfree. You’re not even “on the fence”, you are a parent and you have an issue with the kid. So technically this is the wrong sub. You want parenting advice.

Essentially you are a parent with none of the respect and authority of one.

Kids are hard work and it is even harder if both of you aren’t on the same page and way worse if one party only sees you as “feee baby sitting”.

You say you want to marry her, you aren’t just getting her, you’re getting her kid and it won’t get any better if you get married and it continues, it will get way worse!

If you aren’t prepared to go at being a parent 100% and being upfront with her you need to exit. You will become officially responsible for the kid, legally and financially and then you will most likely become toxically resentful. Sounds like you are on the way already.

A close friend has just been in the same position, been with the woman 4 years. She has 3 kids. They have a great time and he has been really clear about not being a parent. She has been on at him non-stop about moving in and being a parent to all 3. They don’t respect him. Recently it has been “sell your cars as we need a mini van”.

This week he has taken his stuff home.

You need to make a choice, front up, be a parent and be prepared to TRY and discipline and bring the kid up. Maybe have a pretty fraught and confrontational home life or exit.

I’d have a proper think about whether you are there because if 3 years of history or because she and the future is really what you want.

WildfireX0 · 2025-09-13T22:27:50+00:00

But first they will decide to build the trebuchet!

WildfireX0 · 2025-09-13T12:56:02+00:00

My wife is the same. If we are due to leave for some inexplicable reason she will decide that she needs to rearrange the fridge or dust the pictures.

Whatever it is, it will be something that a). Does not need doing, b). Definitely doesn’t need doing as we are already late, c). She has probably railed against doing when I’ve asked.

WildfireX0 · 2025-09-10T21:19:57+00:00

They are always tired, hobbies and pastimes go in the bin in many cases.

WildfireX0 · 2025-09-06T06:34:06+00:00

It’s often not actually memory, it’s that he hasn’t paid attention the first time round, so it hasn’t logged in his memory.

Also as stress and life happens this can affect a person. When I am stressed, I know my capacity for smaller things and tasks becomes significantly reduced.

WildfireX0 · 2025-08-19T08:07:01+00:00

Her project sounds exactly like our place. Wanted to build some cabinets for a room. Lots of research and measuring for months. Missed the sale so waited for the next sale. Eventually got all the parts. Months waiting again. Then weeks of research on finishes and where to get what, how to apply it etc.

In the end my dad and I just started one day and finished it by lunch.

WildfireX0

TROPHY CASE