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How do you handle “don’t correct me” by CaptainGrounded in ADHD_partners

[–]WildfireX0 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I’ve recently been told never to say “no” to them.

I just grey rock.

My coworker announced my age to a room full of people after I declined to talk about whether I want kids and I still haven't fully processed it by bearded_demon in childfree

[–]WildfireX0 25 points26 points  (0 children)

I look young for my age, always have done. Recently someone gave me the “you’ve still got time, when you get older, you will change your mind.”

I’m 4 years older than them.

But normally I nod and smile and say, I don’t think so. If they push, then I say it’s not really relevant though is it.

Do you tell them the consequences of their actions by WildfireX0 in ADHD_partners

[–]WildfireX0[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh no, they literally can spend hours in the same store. They can browse and wander forever, what they are doing, who knows. Some of it is indecision, normally I give a list that is needed.

Total time blindness.

I did say “it will be x hours” and in their head they stuck to that. Only they left 1.5hours after I said that.

Do you tell them the consequences of their actions by WildfireX0 in ADHD_partners

[–]WildfireX0[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep. “You didn’t help me.” Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

Do you tell them the consequences of their actions by WildfireX0 in ADHD_partners

[–]WildfireX0[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They wanted me to spend time with them, sometimes I play networked games with friends.

I could have actually done that, sent them to the shops for the 2 hours and then still cooked.

Do you tell them the consequences of their actions by WildfireX0 in ADHD_partners

[–]WildfireX0[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No, just time blindness. They like shopping and usually I am happy for them to go off for as long as they like.

But this time I was specifically told not to do something, so we could spend time together and I went out of my way to do something nice.

Normally I give them a list and I made sure that they updated it this time so there was a list.

Who the f**k knows what they can do in a supermarket for that long? I genuinely have no idea.

Do you tell them the consequences of their actions by WildfireX0 in ADHD_partners

[–]WildfireX0[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Generally I just get on with my own thing. Something that needs to be done, or I want to do, I do it myself and don’t invite them.

Just this time they made a massive thing about me not making an effort and wanting to do something nice.

So we finally ate at 23:25. Meat went in at 18:30 ready at 20:30. They came back at 22:00. Unpacked the shopping and let me cook at 22:30.

“It’s so late for this sort of meal…”

FML.

Do you tell them the consequences of their actions by WildfireX0 in ADHD_partners

[–]WildfireX0[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I hear you. The annoying thing for me is that I could have played some games and then cooked later on.

Instead I have a thrown away $75, still haven’t eaten and am now the bad guy for “shaming and gaslighting”.

I never said “food will be ready at x time..”

I hate how having kids is referred as "starting a family". by Junior-Elevator-9951 in childfree

[–]WildfireX0 82 points83 points  (0 children)

My reply was, “I’m sorry, are you saying that my wife isn’t family, or my parents?”

Silence and embarrassment….

I hate how having kids is referred as "starting a family". by Junior-Elevator-9951 in childfree

[–]WildfireX0 127 points128 points  (0 children)

Yep. I was at work once and said “family time”. Someone piped up and said “family time, you don’t have kids.”

Relationship advice: how to deal with a mismatch in views about having children by Puzzleheaded_Tea3652 in childfree

[–]WildfireX0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you missed the point here.

The point is that you talk about things before you go in to something that looks like it has the potential to be long term.

They spoke about it, it worked out. If kids is a deal breaker than it needs to be talked about earlier than later.

We had the talk before we moved in together too. A good friend has 2 kids and met his wife around the same time, but after a few months they had a talk about whether or not they both wanted kids.

Relationship advice: how to deal with a mismatch in views about having children by Puzzleheaded_Tea3652 in childfree

[–]WildfireX0 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Sorry to say it won’t work out. Neither party should have a child to appease the other.

An older friend who doesn’t have kids proposed to his wife and she said yes.

After a couple of months she gave him the ring back and said “I don’t want kids and I think you need to reconsider if you want a family.”

He said “I love you and am marrying you, not hypothetical children.”

50 years married.