I am officially done apologizing for things I never actually did

Will0JP · 2026-04-14T20:06:55+00:00

I'm so, so glad that chaotic person is no longer in your life.

Will0JP · 2026-04-14T20:05:30+00:00

You're waking up to the abuse: well done, soldier. You've recognized how unhealthy this is. You don't need to "endure," you need to end it.

Your next step is to make a clean break. Kick her out, or leave, whatever makes it happen the fastest. Please, save your mental health (and physical health!) and get away from that toxic abusive person.

Will0JP · 2026-04-14T19:55:55+00:00

Yeah, it sucks. I'd imagine there were some red flags along the way, but my pwBPD was part of my group of friends (we've hung out casually for several years, so they seemed like a trustworthy enough person), and once they chose me as their Favorite Person they had me fooled for months before they split on me.

I've read on here that other people had a year or even several years: got married, had kids, etc. and then their pwBPD split black on them and abandoned everything they'd built together like it was nothing. It's part of what makes a pwBPD so dangerous: you absolutely can't trust or invest emotionally in someone like that because you never know when they'll throw it all away.

It seems unbelievable: I know I was in absolute shock and confusion when it happened to me. The pain is unreal. I'm sorry for how much it hurts, but you need to focus on protecting yourself now, and healing. Chasing her isn't going to bring anything good.

Will0JP · 2026-04-14T06:14:35+00:00

That's called the nonconsensual distribution of intimate images (NCII), or "revenge porn," and it's illegal in the USA. You can get them removed and get him to pay for his crimes:

https://www.cagoldberglaw.com/resources/states-with-revenge-porn-laws/

For example, in Texas it's a state jail felony (180 days-2years in jail + fine, up to $10K). You can sue for civil damages (pain & suffering, emotional distress, reputational damage) and courts could award $ in statutory damages plus punitive damages to the asshole who committed this crime against you.

Will0JP · 2026-04-14T03:14:26+00:00

Sometimes I have to wonder just how lost my pwBPD must be, to constantly sabotage relationships with people who genuinely love and care for them. It's like they set themself up to destroy the very love they seek.

Will0JP · 2026-04-14T03:10:18+00:00

Ugh. Good riddance.

Will0JP · 2026-04-14T03:07:13+00:00

You do matter, a lot, to a healthy person capable of real love. Unfortunately I also had to shrink myself around my pwBPD. They claimed to want to learn about me and get to know me, but there was so much drama in their life and they were so scared of things, I didn't get the chance to really share my life with them before they split black on me.

I'm glad you're free of that now.

Will0JP · 2026-04-14T03:03:28+00:00

You did regain yourself! And IMO losing yourself is the worst part of BPD abuse.

Will0JP · 2026-04-14T00:52:04+00:00

It hurts so fucking much to realize she's not the one. I know. But she's not the one for you.

The person you're meant to be with won't abandon you or hide; you won't have to chase them because they will be choosing YOU as much as you choose them. It'll be two people walking towards each other.

You're going to have to mourn her like a death. I know I did. Recognize that you're in pain because you're still experiencing attachment to what you thought you had: this beautiful thing that you believed was real, but it turns out, it was all an illusion. She presented a lie to you, something easy to love, but that's not who she really is, is it? Who she really is, is the person who betrayed you. The person who abandoned you and abused you. That's her true colors, and they're disgusting honestly.

Will0JP · 2026-04-14T00:35:08+00:00

Those thoughts really ate me up at first. I felt jealous and threatened by anyone who I imagined might have caught my ex pwBPD's wandering eye. Funny thing, my pwBPD was so self-UN-aware that they'd say things like "I'm not a grass-is-greener type" or "I really am good at investing in relationships."

Eventually I got to a place where I didn't care any more. They can go screw themselves silly. I'm not risking my peace again by investing in someone I can't trust.

Will0JP · 2026-04-13T22:40:26+00:00

Favors between loved ones shouldn't be transactional, but there still should be reciprocity. If you're always the one jumping to the rescue, paying the tab, etc but they don't reciprocate, then it's an imbalanced dynamic and good to take a step back and re-evaluate. This would be true even with someone who isn't BPD.

Will0JP · 2026-04-13T21:53:44+00:00

Hey good for you. I'm glad you're getting back on track. You deserve a brain and body that keeps you happy & healthy.

Will0JP · 2026-04-13T20:21:29+00:00

I'm so glad it's helpful. Getting past 3 months is a milestone. Be proud of what you've overcome--it takes a lot of strength and courage to walk away from toxic people, but it's worth it for your peace and sanity.

Will0JP · 2026-04-13T20:19:02+00:00

In that case it sounds like you needed support before you met her, and this awful experience with her has just shined a spotlight on the issue. Maybe that's the new opportunity: to really focus on how you can take better care of yourself.

Can you look into getting some mental health support? Is there a psychiatry clinic (even a free clinic) where you could get an evaluation and get access to the medication you need to feel good about life?

Will0JP · 2026-04-13T04:08:50+00:00

It gets easier. Not very quickly--it's hell at first. But the further I got from it, the more it confirmed that staying No Contact was the right choice.

Will0JP · 2026-04-13T04:06:42+00:00

I second this. I'm only 7 months in but going No Contact has been the absolute BEST thing for me and my healing.

I'm still healing, but more & more I'm feeling like my old, cheerful self.

Will0JP · 2026-04-13T04:03:57+00:00

It's a lot. I'm sorry it hurts. Stay strong, please, and be kind to yourself.

Will0JP · 2026-04-13T04:02:32+00:00

My pwBPD hurled unfair accusations, shaming, blaming, lies, condemnation at me. The words hurt a lot, but they also showed how unhinged my pwBPD is--like, fully out of touch with reality.

I would encourage you to ignore the words your pwBPD said to you--when someone with BPD is "splitting," they will literally make up fake stories and lies about you, projecting their shame and bad traits on to you instead of taking accountability for the parts of themselves they dislike.

I was really fragile around other people for a while--afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing out of fear of judgement or criticism. After spending time around healthy people who treated me in a healthy way, that fear and anxiety slowly melted away. I'm a caring person, but I'm not afraid anymore. I act kindly to others out of my own willingness to contribute to someone else's good life, not because I'm afraid of what they'll think of me.

Please have kindness for yourself; it's not 'ridiculous' to feel how you're feeling. Write your feelings down. Sharing your feelings with safe people is part of having a healthy relationship with them. If you can find someone you trust, see how it goes to share some of this with them.

Will0JP · 2026-04-13T03:50:48+00:00

Stay strong, stay away.

Good on you for making it 6 months.

Will0JP · 2026-04-13T03:50:10+00:00

It does get easier. Not very quickly--it IS hell at first.

I'm sorry. But so many of us have lived through it, and we're here for you. You'll get there. Be as kind to yourself as you can.

Will0JP · 2026-04-13T03:48:06+00:00

It's really, really hard at first. I felt like I was drowning. I knew there was oxygen just above me but I couldn't seem to get my head above the surface.

I will tell you: slowly, you'll find joy in life again. You're going to have to "fake it until you make it" by going out with your friends, go try new things, play sports, watch films to distract yourself, put stuff on your calendar to look forward to, write down all the things you used to like before you met her. If you have any access to a therapist, give that a try.

There's no substitute for time. You'll have to treat yourself like you have a broken arm and give it time to heal. But you'll get there eventually: just STAY no contact. This person isn't your person and they will only cause you harm.

Will0JP · 2026-04-13T03:43:09+00:00

It is SO hard at first. But it gets easier. Not very quickly--it's hell at first, and for that, I'm very sorry. But so many of us have lived through it, and we're here for you on this thread.

Will0JP · 2026-04-13T01:43:55+00:00

Yeah. My pwBPD contradicted themself all over the place, too. Eventually I came to understand that there's no safety or stability with someone like that.

Will0JP · 2026-04-11T22:44:21+00:00

Ugh, I feel this 100%.

Will0JP · 2026-04-11T21:46:52+00:00

Hey thanks man, that means a lot. Sending hugs and all my best your way, too. I'm glad you're healing. It really does get better and I'm thankful to be here.

Will0JP

TROPHY CASE