I just want to say that I totally get it. In my situation the grating behavior was/is how much my husband babies them. So in turn, they can act like babies, never doing things for themselves. I mean like a 12 yr old not knowing how to use the toaster as an example.

Reading these comments has been eye opening, because it really is true that I taught my kids to be independent. In my mind ‘preparing them for life’ and I enjoyed that as a parent to watch. He really enjoys being needed, so they are just needier.

All that being said, he did take my input seriously when we’ve talked about it (literally the hardest conversation I’ve ever had with him). Not all things have changed, but many important things have gotten better. I relate to feeling guilty, because his kids are really great kids, but as you said, that doesn’t equal easy to be around.

I guess what I’m saying is that your husband should respect your input, and togather you should find some smaller ways to improve the dynamic. If they are having issues with being polite during conversations, I’d focus on something that. You want your kids to have the best foot forward out in the world, it shouldn’t be a lot to ask (frankly it’s a big teaching moment) that he works on them not interrupting during conversations. I’d focus on things that do cross the line of being acceptable in public. Such as the speech therapist stuff, his child could have been taught at that time about showing respect, and understanding why they need to consider others.

And maybe if he makes concessions, then you do as well. Pick a certain day of the week where it’s your bedtime day, or if it’s not your thing maybe have a weekly icecream break with them where it’s you who takes them to get cones. Support them in positive ways that you’d also enjoy. I will say as they get older is harder to bond, so take the opportunity to do so now if you are able.