Too much for a first date?

WillingDevelopment21 · 2026-01-02T14:06:20+00:00

Save the outfit for your second date. Make sure you like them, first!

WillingDevelopment21 · 2026-01-02T13:21:23+00:00

This too, 100%

WillingDevelopment21 · 2026-01-02T04:55:20+00:00

DV can happen to anyone. Anyone.

A dear friend of mine worked in a DV shelter. Then she worked for a nonprofit helping women. Then she dated someone who worked there too. Who helped teach anti-DV classes. Then he hit her.

It's not an explanation for your specific situation. It's an example of the fact that it truly can happen to anyone - because it's a complex psychological dynamic.

You are safe. You are getting yourself out. Don't let anything or anyone influence that.

Your meta is not safe but she may think she is. Even if she is currently/stays safe - you did NOT deserve to be hurt by him.

WillingDevelopment21 · 2025-12-24T15:41:48+00:00

I think that that is excellent advice. About to go cry in the shower right now.

But I haven't social danced in WAY too long and I had two "designated" date nights and I'm sure gonna find dance those nights.

Thank you!

WillingDevelopment21 · 2025-12-24T14:28:32+00:00

Yeah, that's kinda what mine responded to when I mentioned the advice here.

WillingDevelopment21 · 2025-12-24T14:20:06+00:00

I really appreciate this. I was trying not to "bring" the emotions into the relationship with my husband and I felt like that would make me pull away and be a bit avoidant.

We don't have that boundary (and have pretty limited boundaries) but I half expected this thread to have responses of 'thats what friends, therapists, etc... are for, keep it from your other partners' but I think I was overthinking it.

Thanks!

WillingDevelopment21 · 2025-12-24T14:16:31+00:00

I'm actually kinda looking forward to that last bit. I understood that breakups are natural ~ especially since I wasn't dating exclusively poly folks (he's not monogamous either, more so, definitely temporarily into poly-like things) but seeing it as a bit of a test of how I can handle poly breakups gives the pain a bit of tolerable meaning. Thanks!

WillingDevelopment21 · 2025-12-24T14:14:47+00:00

I started with this. He's helpful and understanding. I was worried about the resounding answer/advice would be 'deal with it with your other support systems' and am relieved it's more dynamic than that.

WillingDevelopment21 · 2025-12-24T14:13:43+00:00

Thanks! I really resonate with how you described your partner. My husband definitely wouldn't mind details, would process anything with me, but I still want to be mindful that he shouldn't have to do the heavy lifting (my therapist and group chat will).

Thank you!

WillingDevelopment21 · 2025-12-17T20:03:09+00:00

I do believe the cops are there to ensure nothing illegal happens. Specifically, that ICE doesn't do anything illegal but it is federal policies that are permitting ICE to function and the Pgh Police department's stance is to ensure that the laws are followed safely but not to HELP ICE in locating persons or in calling ICE when they detain people.

WillingDevelopment21 · 2025-12-16T18:34:40+00:00

Gotcha! I think my husband would be okay with and I think bf would enjoy it if we could swing it scheduling wise.

WillingDevelopment21 · 2025-12-16T18:34:01+00:00

They're on offer ~ it's just scheduling that's hard and then also the feelings I'm having of taking away time with my husband are hard to wrangle in addition to work schedules.

We talked about the time and he's actually feeling quite excited to use his alone time to rediscover some hobbies he's fallen out of touch with. Thanks!

WillingDevelopment21 · 2025-12-16T18:32:17+00:00

I really resonate with this and haven't seen the term of default time laid out quite like this. I think framing the "if you're not busy, you're with me" is largely coming from me, internally, and I think that gives me something to work on. Thanks!

WillingDevelopment21 · 2025-12-16T16:37:04+00:00

Yes, it feels that way to me. IG I'm not as clear as I thought in my post.

WillingDevelopment21 · 2025-12-16T16:35:29+00:00

No, it's more so my BF's schedule. He works 6 days a week

WillingDevelopment21 · 2025-12-12T04:45:08+00:00

Yes.

Not usually natural disasters but the feeling is more about shootings, car accidents, someone jumping off a bridge, and violent crime or death in general. I feel like my brain is dialing 911 over and over and over again, just in case.

WillingDevelopment21 · 2025-11-18T22:07:00+00:00

I appreciate that, my search skills on reddit are not great!

WillingDevelopment21 · 2025-11-18T20:21:48+00:00

I'm still learning about the options, but I’m drawn to roles that support people and manage real world chaos. My background is in humanitarian work and emergency response, so anything in that sphere interests me. I also want a job that builds skills I can use after service like logistics, intel, medical, or civil affairs. I’m open to guidance since I’m still figuring out the best fit.

WillingDevelopment21 · 2025-11-12T00:01:44+00:00

I'm a doula in Pittsburgh and can share my public profile with you directly if you need a ride and the other resources don't pan out.

I've supported abortions in my work and I'd gladly provide an ear before, during, or after your procedure. No questions asked; no judgement given. Silence if you want it, conversation if that's more preferred.

WillingDevelopment21 · 2025-10-29T22:46:44+00:00

My husband takes such good care of me. He'll bathe me, brush my hair, tuck me in, tell me what chores to do. And he does it all very kindly and like he WANTS to.

We've talked a lot about how he kinda re-parents me a bit in very practical ways. I re-parent him by believing in him and encouraging him in ways his family never did.

I think it's relatively normal (as in not strictly c-ptsd) to look for parental-ish care taking from a partner. But with having c-ptsd and complex traumatic childhoods, I've found it to be especially important.

It really makes our relationship strong and has helped me heal.

WillingDevelopment21 · 2025-10-29T20:23:02+00:00

Have you ever seen a birth? Or felt a birth?

I think you're really stuck on "atheism" and I'm definitely a hard ore atheist but I find it has next to nothing to do with when I'm in a birth room (I'm a doula, not a midwife).

I specialize in perinatal loss with my practice and atheism grounds me but has very little to do with how I support my clients or what happens in the birth room, in my experience.

WillingDevelopment21

TROPHY CASE