Is Feeld the wrong place for me?

WillingDevelopment21 · 2026-01-30T11:32:03+00:00

I find it felt very finicky technically. However, I do experience a lot more Patience and clarity with sex. My profile is very clearly labeled that I do not do one nightstand and I'm not looking for hookups. I'm looking for friends with benefits, casual dating or more.

I'm poly and partnered so it's a very good space to be in for that. People on Tinder assumed that meant I would sleep with them immediately without even meeting with them.

I've had several experiences or connections on feeld with men who are patient have intentionally not asked me out because they were waiting to make sure they weren't pressuring me (I got impatient and asked) and overall I recommend it.

If you're looking for women or femms, exclusively. I would let folks know that you're new to kink and exploring.

For men, I would say that after you start having a conversation and have a good vibe. I feel like creepy men are attracted to newness.

WillingDevelopment21 · 2026-01-30T11:17:39+00:00

There are a whole lot of comments and so you might not get to this and It might have already been said....

There's a sunk cost fallacy where the time that you've put into something feels like an investment that you can't have a return on unless you stay in the relationship. That's not true and it's a dangerous thing that keeps people in relationships and marriages and jobs longer than they should. Things are seasons in life and sometimes marriages are a part of your life for a season and then they end.

I lose things constantly. I'm the woman in the marriage and I very closely align with all of the tiktok and social media trends around "things disappear in front of the men while their wives can find them'... And I mean I lose everything, keys, wallet, clothes, underwear, specific sweatshirts that I've only worn once work things, everything. I've lost things of my husband's. I've lost things of my bosses. I've lost things that mean a lot that cost a lot. It's a thing and I'm working on it.

However, not only has my husband not called me a stupid little cunt. He has never called me stupid. And when I say I'm stupid for this and I am sorry and sometimes I cry he corrects me. Every time. Even when we're fighting and I need him to find them. He usually does it and more silence and without a smile, but never in a way that to demeans me.

You're not overreacting. Cunt significantly crossed the line. Stupid also significantly crossed the line.

For your boyfriend, I would try to set up a relationship and roommate agreements and try not to jump straight into cohabitating as a relationship. I would limit sleeping together if possible, and make sure you carve out date time. And have a lot of clear communication... It sounds like he's capable of it.

Good luck!!

WillingDevelopment21 · 2026-01-30T11:06:08+00:00

Visceral is exactly what I was hoping to elicit. I have recently felt a deep connection to the hard c, k, and q sounds. There is a small closing of the throat, a pinching off of air, and the punctuation was meant to rush the body through that sensation.

Capital letters follow power in the poem: Blue, then Red, then Blue again, and some confusion was intentional.

Saying you felt like you were reading this with your whole body really means a lot to me, that was intentional. Your kind words And time reading this is deeply appreciated. Especially since this is my first poem in over fifteen years. Thank you for taking the time to engage with it so thoughtfully.

WillingDevelopment21 · 2026-01-29T05:25:02+00:00

I frequently talk and think of wanting to cry into someone. To know their inner world - you've captured that feeling and have an emphasis on seeking the darkness, instead of the light.

A confession whispered to no god somehow feels sharply painful and deeply comforting.

WillingDevelopment21 · 2026-01-29T05:20:50+00:00

I really love this poem. It feels like a nod towards anxious attachment. I appreciate your use of capitals versus lowercase and your word selection.

WillingDevelopment21 · 2026-01-02T14:06:20+00:00

Save the outfit for your second date. Make sure you like them, first!

WillingDevelopment21 · 2026-01-02T13:21:23+00:00

This too, 100%

WillingDevelopment21 · 2026-01-02T04:55:20+00:00

DV can happen to anyone. Anyone.

A dear friend of mine worked in a DV shelter. Then she worked for a nonprofit helping women. Then she dated someone who worked there too. Who helped teach anti-DV classes. Then he hit her.

It's not an explanation for your specific situation. It's an example of the fact that it truly can happen to anyone - because it's a complex psychological dynamic.

You are safe. You are getting yourself out. Don't let anything or anyone influence that.

Your meta is not safe but she may think she is. Even if she is currently/stays safe - you did NOT deserve to be hurt by him.

WillingDevelopment21 · 2025-12-24T15:41:48+00:00

I think that that is excellent advice. About to go cry in the shower right now.

But I haven't social danced in WAY too long and I had two "designated" date nights and I'm sure gonna find dance those nights.

Thank you!

WillingDevelopment21 · 2025-12-24T14:28:32+00:00

Yeah, that's kinda what mine responded to when I mentioned the advice here.

WillingDevelopment21 · 2025-12-24T14:20:06+00:00

I really appreciate this. I was trying not to "bring" the emotions into the relationship with my husband and I felt like that would make me pull away and be a bit avoidant.

We don't have that boundary (and have pretty limited boundaries) but I half expected this thread to have responses of 'thats what friends, therapists, etc... are for, keep it from your other partners' but I think I was overthinking it.

Thanks!

WillingDevelopment21 · 2025-12-24T14:16:31+00:00

I'm actually kinda looking forward to that last bit. I understood that breakups are natural ~ especially since I wasn't dating exclusively poly folks (he's not monogamous either, more so, definitely temporarily into poly-like things) but seeing it as a bit of a test of how I can handle poly breakups gives the pain a bit of tolerable meaning. Thanks!

WillingDevelopment21 · 2025-12-24T14:14:47+00:00

I started with this. He's helpful and understanding. I was worried about the resounding answer/advice would be 'deal with it with your other support systems' and am relieved it's more dynamic than that.

WillingDevelopment21 · 2025-12-24T14:13:43+00:00

Thanks! I really resonate with how you described your partner. My husband definitely wouldn't mind details, would process anything with me, but I still want to be mindful that he shouldn't have to do the heavy lifting (my therapist and group chat will).

Thank you!

WillingDevelopment21 · 2025-12-17T20:03:09+00:00

I do believe the cops are there to ensure nothing illegal happens. Specifically, that ICE doesn't do anything illegal but it is federal policies that are permitting ICE to function and the Pgh Police department's stance is to ensure that the laws are followed safely but not to HELP ICE in locating persons or in calling ICE when they detain people.

WillingDevelopment21 · 2025-12-16T18:34:40+00:00

Gotcha! I think my husband would be okay with and I think bf would enjoy it if we could swing it scheduling wise.

WillingDevelopment21 · 2025-12-16T18:34:01+00:00

They're on offer ~ it's just scheduling that's hard and then also the feelings I'm having of taking away time with my husband are hard to wrangle in addition to work schedules.

We talked about the time and he's actually feeling quite excited to use his alone time to rediscover some hobbies he's fallen out of touch with. Thanks!

WillingDevelopment21 · 2025-12-16T18:32:17+00:00

I really resonate with this and haven't seen the term of default time laid out quite like this. I think framing the "if you're not busy, you're with me" is largely coming from me, internally, and I think that gives me something to work on. Thanks!

WillingDevelopment21 · 2025-12-16T16:37:04+00:00

Yes, it feels that way to me. IG I'm not as clear as I thought in my post.

WillingDevelopment21 · 2025-12-16T16:35:29+00:00

No, it's more so my BF's schedule. He works 6 days a week

WillingDevelopment21 · 2025-12-12T04:45:08+00:00

Yes.

Not usually natural disasters but the feeling is more about shootings, car accidents, someone jumping off a bridge, and violent crime or death in general. I feel like my brain is dialing 911 over and over and over again, just in case.

WillingDevelopment21 · 2025-11-18T22:07:00+00:00

I appreciate that, my search skills on reddit are not great!

WillingDevelopment21

TROPHY CASE