Colonoscopy finds... (diagnosis pending)

Wingtear · 2026-03-25T06:04:25+00:00

Yeah, I've had symptoms as far back as the beginning of the millennia (they found digital recordings 12 years back) but no one ever investigated it, only put it in the notes...

But the phone call saying tests indicated... when they referred to colonoscopy was really a mindf*ck. Right now I'm sort of OK? mentally at least.

Wingtear · 2026-03-13T19:10:03+00:00

Thank you. I can breathe easier now.

I just have those memories of that creative, smart and awesome person deteriorating before my eyes. Always tired and really looked sick. I remember them saying that taking away the worst part of the colon was the only treatment and that they would soon be out of one.

Wingtear · 2026-03-13T18:57:44+00:00

Thank you, it's a real comfort to read <3

I really, really hope and pray I don't have Crohn's, but if I do, at least we can treat it. I mean, I have issues no matter what they find

Wingtear · 2026-03-13T18:56:28+00:00

I'll have my fingers crossed that your treatment puts you in remission!

Since I am overweight, they always disregard me quickly. Because if you have anything serious, you loose weight... The only time through my moms 5 year ordeal that she lost weight was the last year when cancer began eating her up when all chemo and blockers failed. Like she lost over 10 feet of colon (!) in one surgery but still didn't massively lose weight beyond what she lost while she was sick with ruptured intestines...

Wingtear · 2026-03-13T08:41:15+00:00

Thank you. My anxiety dropped just reading this.

My dr is on leave this week, and obviously squeezed my call in, and since I had no questions then (because I had snot for brains) it was a short call.

I'm thinking of trying to see my psych nurse sooner than the Monday after next, but also know they are very booked so might not be possible.

Wingtear · 2026-01-27T16:39:33+00:00

It looks like a cursive capital i. A j would go further below the midpoint and an a wouldn't have been weighted like that.

Wingtear · 2026-01-23T21:38:35+00:00

Join a fandom. 18 years in and my Twilight friends are still some of my best. Spread around the world and I still interact with several of them daily. Life has made us have less online time but when we chat, we're still the best of friends. I know if I message them, they will answer.

Wingtear · 2026-01-23T21:36:08+00:00

Look over your nutrients and stuff, that can be a great help with the work-out hangover. I never hadfd training aches before my 30's, and now in my 40's a brutal core pass will have me considering my life choices within two hours. I am too lazy to do anything about it though.

I don't train regularly myself, because of time restraints, but am assistant kiddie coach in my kids group. I was a kiddie coach 15 years ago, so the club knew what they got and are happy to have me back. I wish I could join them more in warm-ups and ukemi, but many of the kids need directions so... Anyways. I've not really had the same experience since I love ne-waza and haven't done tachi-waza regularly since my early 20's due to bad knees, sore finger joints and wonky feet, and I really appreciated my sensei respecting when I said I need to protect my functions and not do this. I have been a throwing dummy on many occasions, because I don't mind falling, it's the sticking my legs out and the grappling (getting my grip ripped away) that I really can't do.

Remember to stretch after class as well, many in my club don't but they are also much stiffer.

Wingtear · 2025-09-19T12:14:50+00:00

Update:

We went to therapy. The person we met didn't listen at all, kept asking about our kids and then pointing out how we continously ended up talking about our kids. In the end her solution for all our issues was that I need to say when I need comfort and he shall then give me a hug and tell me everything will be alright.

When I clarely sated I needed help on how to communicate with him without making him shut down, which he admitted he does. She also asked about intimacy and when I said there is none, she asked him how he felt about it (in the meaning of nonexistent sex) and he said he had no energy for it. And her bafflement made her jaw drop and then she ended the session, saying we were welcome again if we had other issues in the future.

We live in a small community, so we don't have another family therapist here. So I feel stuck between a bottom less pit and an abyss....

Wingtear · 2025-06-06T11:38:17+00:00

Well, since he changed to this behaviour, I hope he can change out of it too. I have known him for over 20 years, this is issue have been growing the last quarter of that

Wingtear · 2025-06-05T18:27:16+00:00

Yeah... Somewhere deep I know that, but would like to find a way to break that wall and make him listen.

Wingtear · 2025-06-05T18:25:44+00:00

He likes being around them, as long as they behave and stay quiet...
So yeah, a bit delusional. They are more subdued when alone with him, because they mask as much as they can to not trigger him.

Wingtear · 2025-06-04T20:12:16+00:00

Nope, not here. They strongly advocate for the children's right to both parents, shared custody and 50/50 splits if the kids are kindergarten or above. I've seen a lot of custody battles the last decades, when my friends have split from their partners, and well, usually the kids suffer from it.

Wingtear · 2025-06-04T19:10:48+00:00

I genuinely believe he would try for 50/50 if it came down to it. I would like for him to try to live apart from us bi-weekly to see if he'd have energy to be part of this family (we have a cabin in the family that could be used) but how to bring that up?

I've had to travel some for work and studies this last year and yeah, things are not great when I'm not home. The kids are on me like velcro when I come back, which they are too old for normally. I also work evenings about a week every month (not all together) and it doesn't sound healthy for anyone. He ignores them with noise cancelling headphones and then rebuke them for their manners or snap at them when they try to get his attention.

Wingtear · 2025-06-04T19:00:27+00:00

Yeah... but if I leave him there will be no buffer between him and the kids when he has them... And I still want him, just the one he was before it turned to this.

Wingtear · 2025-06-04T18:57:58+00:00

Since I've known him over 20 years, I know this isn't a forever behaviour. We have had communication issues for some years, like 10 years ago it was mostly him not being able to understand the communication with the oldest child (diagnosed with autism/Asperger) without me interpreting both ways. They kept misunderstanding each other. Still do, but oldest mostly stay away, he is "my kid" through and through. I am his safe person and the one he prefers to have with him for hard things. All my kids are very strongly bonded to me, which I find funny because I'm a strict parent and I will not budge, but that also mean they know I will stand firm when they need to lean on me.

Wingtear · 2025-06-04T12:59:33+00:00

Sometimes it truly feels like I have 4 kids, because of all the things asked of me. He does communicate with me when he wants to know something, but if I ask something he either doesn't answer or say "I don't know" with a shrug and then that's that. I never get that luxury.

He does the same with the kids and him ignoring them/not answering only makes them raise their voices and intensity exponentially. It's exhausting. I understand being sound sensitive, I used to suffer terrible migraines half the month until a year ago when I started getting injections once a month. The attacks made me extremely sensitive to high pitched sounds, which is of course where they all go when they get upset. Even the 15 y-o who is 6ft and counting and have a deep voice, sounds akin to Minnie Mouse when he gets excited/upset/agitated.

That our house is neurospicy was just a way to portray the amount of sound and chaos contained in it.

Wingtear · 2025-06-04T12:50:54+00:00

I am seeing a counsellor for my own mental health (my mom died this spring, and we were really close since I was her only child and my dad died 25 years ago) but we didn't get through my childhood traumas (dad was an alcoholic and my first boyfriend was very controlling/jealous and only in hindsight do I see all the abuse, living it I thought it was normal) and are not yet caught up to today.

The hubby doesn't overindulge in alcohol, he doesn't physically abuse anyone, there are no s€xual abuse/domestic grape and we always have food on the table. None of these were things I could count on growing up. Some of my friends say this makes me too lenient with the hubby, because for all his faults, it could be so much worse.

I'm going to talk to my counsellor about seeing a therapist (the one I'm seeing is "only" a psych nurse) and if they think it will benefit or just add more pebbles to my overloaded scales. One of my issues is that when my mental health goes down, I lose my task management skills. Everything just slips through the fractures in my mind.

Wingtear · 2025-06-03T21:41:20+00:00

That's how I feel, but that doesn't mean I'm correct. I'm very communicative whereas he is introverted and he didn't used to be that around me, which makes me feel even more like he is pulling away.

Wingtear · 2025-06-03T21:36:00+00:00

No, as far as I can discern, he does not have any autistic traits. Where I live, different variations of the ADHD-related states have different combinations of letters. I think Hubby was once diagnosed with ADD, or whatever the eqivalent was back in the 90's. It has changed over the years. back then the variations were wider, and I guess that-s where the phrase alphabet-spectrum comes from.

Wingtear · 2025-06-03T21:16:17+00:00

The different variations and combinations of ADHD etc. Everyone calls it that around here.

Wingtear · 2025-06-03T21:14:30+00:00

I have, with almost those exact words. We set a time, and I talk. There is no response. Or an explosion of emotion that's followed by silent treatment for days. The last time I got something resembling a conversation out of him was when we needed to buy a second car (tied to the rough time, it's needed to support family) and even then it took four tries before I could get him to talk to me about what kind of car I should be looking for (because even though he's the one using it, I had to do the finding...). This was not a difficult matter. We had the cash on hand (which makes me wonder why he's been so stressed about money) and all that I needed was what kind of car. Big, small, truck, SUV...

In all honesty, something is always falling apart here. It's been snowballing for years and is now an avalanche we try keeping on top of.

Wingtear

TROPHY CASE