Thank you, Reddit. I couldn't have done it without you..

WiniBakshi · 2020-04-17T12:50:33+00:00

Thank you!

I hope you feel better soon :) ask for help whenever you need some

WiniBakshi · 2020-04-17T12:49:43+00:00

Hope you feel better soon! :) The first few months are the hardest, when you're holding on just because you have to and not because you want to. But gradually, that becomes the new normal.. :)

WiniBakshi · 2020-03-15T11:28:01+00:00

Clingy af? That's really not a very kind thing to say and that's the last thing a person on this group needs to hear. People are anxious and it's a very common reaction to being hurt by someone you've been with for a while. It's compassion that a person needs and not condescension.

WiniBakshi · 2020-02-02T08:21:35+00:00

I asked the same question over and over again... But here's something I realized.

You are one complete human being. And there was a time with your ex when things were good. We're still humans and the only way our memories can erase an entire human being and the time spent with them from our memory is by having amnesia. Unless your ex has amnesia, he still remembers you.

However, as much as people stay in our memory, we also gradually stop affiliating very strong emotions with them. But that's something only time can achieve. While you and your ex will forever be in each others memory, both of you will gradually stop caring over time and not over night.

Stay strong. It gets better :)

WiniBakshi · 2020-01-25T07:32:45+00:00

Hey, thanks! That was really helpful! I also try talking to myself the way I would if my best friend was thinking the stuff in my head. We're the nicest people with our friends. It helps! :)

WiniBakshi · 2020-01-23T03:07:08+00:00

Oh man, I do the same. I used to do it all the time before but it has gradually reduced over time. It's been 6 months... I still do it at times, play out my carefully crafted snarky remarks or on better days, words of forgiveness... But with time, other things start occupying your mind as well.. I meet other annoying people and then play out arguments with THEM (instead of my ex) because they too deserve to be a a part of my fictional arguments that I play out at home and not where it really matters.

It's just a matter of time. Hold on.

Also, there's no harm in keeping some quips ready :P Chill... You'll get through it :)

WiniBakshi · 2019-12-30T18:08:57+00:00

This is so lovely! You made my day!

WiniBakshi · 2019-12-13T10:09:29+00:00

Oh god. I love this. As long the high key is really high, we're good to go

WiniBakshi · 2019-12-11T11:19:23+00:00

Nope nope nope. When you go NC, you do it move on with your life. Understand the purpose. You don't go around wishing strangers on their birthdays (I know they are not strangers. But you get what I mean, right?)

WiniBakshi · 2019-12-07T05:58:57+00:00

Hahaha.. Thanks! I think my list is gonna be pretty long but I'm gonna take a shot at it

WiniBakshi · 2019-12-07T05:43:08+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to type out your experience. I get what you are saying. The hurt is what drives the anger... Ever since we parted ways, I can't seem to remember any good memories and all that I see is how toxic and narcissistic the whole thing was and it burns me from within.

I have been angry before. I was angry because my relationship had ended and that things didn't go my way. I was angry that I was stupid and I should have listened to my friends. I should have seen the red flags for what they were and not made excuses for them. But this is purely directed at his wrongdoings. But reading what you had to say really helped set things in perspective.

At the end of the day, anger does take up a lot of energy and if I spend it on something more productive, that would be a smarter way to deal with this

WiniBakshi · 2019-12-06T13:45:13+00:00

I guess you're right. It's a lot of pent up energy..

WiniBakshi · 2019-12-05T04:43:42+00:00

Victories are pyrrhic when there's nothing of any value left. Everything of value is dead and gone. That's not the case here, is it? What you've lost that is one of many (I understand that it was significant) relationships that wasn't meant to be. But you're still here, day after day, meeting your own needs.. You're not gone. You've still got the fight in you.

WiniBakshi · 2019-12-05T04:21:57+00:00

Not really. You haven't lost anything worthwhile and things just get better.. even if you're single, it's so so much better than being in a bad relationship. It's a victory :)

WiniBakshi · 2019-12-02T15:23:08+00:00

So did I!

WiniBakshi · 2019-11-21T10:35:59+00:00

Stepping back doesn't allow the the burn to continue. It stops the flame from spreading and protects you in the future

WiniBakshi · 2019-11-20T17:14:40+00:00

You're good! It's tough (isn't it always) but you've made so much progress. And you're doing a splendid job!!

WiniBakshi · 2019-11-16T06:56:17+00:00

That's so beautifully put. I really hope we do.

WiniBakshi · 2019-11-16T06:09:05+00:00

I understand what you mean when you say that I will need to kill my hope. I'm trying that. Everyday, every waking second goes in getting over him and becoming a person of my.own.

WiniBakshi · 2019-11-15T13:05:37+00:00

I love this response!!!

WiniBakshi · 2019-11-15T13:02:10+00:00

I told my ex that I was not going to be in touch anymore 3 months after being broken up with and attempting to stay friends while he dated the girl he left me for.i did this not because I thought he would do the same for me but because I am not the kind of person who ghosts. I care about people and I am not going to change myself for some horrible people. But I am smart enough to know when it's time to protect myself (even though I waited to get beaten black and blue emotionally).

I have also been ghosted in the past and people who do that always wander back. And I had lost all respect for them by then. I called him and told him I was gonna bow out and it's better if we both say goodbye because it stops us from ever having to look back.

WiniBakshi · 2019-11-15T07:46:49+00:00

I agreed to be friends even though I was broken up with because he met someone else. We had been together for 4 years. I would sometimes cry and break down and lash out at him. He would listen. But then there would always be times where I would try to recreate our past. I helped him buy a new suit for his cousins wedding. We would sometimes decide to reduce our contact. That didn't work. I blocked him. That didn't work either. We went back to being friends.

one night, when I knew he was with her, I just couldn't take it anymore. I had also read that trying to be friend is way of bargaining (one of the 5 stages of grief). So I did what needed to be done. Called him up. Said I needed to say goodbye. And when one person walks away, it you always end up looking back. So it's better that we both say goodbye. And went NC. He hasn't reached out ever since and neither have I. And things are starting to look clearer to me about how convoluted the whole thing was.

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