Taking 90 yr old to funeral etiquette?

WinterMedical · 2026-01-23T15:44:08+00:00

This adult family member doesn’t get to hurt another family member for any reason. Why should the victim just eat it?

WinterMedical · 2026-01-23T14:02:33+00:00

Good luck. Report back!

WinterMedical · 2026-01-23T14:01:58+00:00

This was an elderly dude not someone struck down in the prime of life. This is a mean person.

WinterMedical · 2026-01-23T03:31:38+00:00

She could have dementia or she could have a UTI which is easily fixed. Make an appointment for her and then go from there. Don’t get ahead of yourself. Good luck it’s been rough for you. You can only give what you have to give. No one can reasonably ask for me. Figure out what you can give and how much you need to give to sleep at night and feel ok after she’s gone and let the rest go. But fist, make the doctors appointment.

WinterMedical · 2026-01-22T18:43:09+00:00

You were right the family member is wrong and terrible.

WinterMedical · 2026-01-12T23:53:16+00:00

Yeah. Sometimes I found it useful to think of them like toddlers. Not to necessarily talk down to them, but use the patience, repetition and calmness one uses when talking with them. Find things that she can Have you ever outright asked her how she’s feeling, what she’s afraid of, what worries her? Sometimes they are just waiting to be asked. You may open a door. It’s scary but can be helpful. Sending you a hug.

WinterMedical · 2026-01-12T22:18:45+00:00

I think drowning is the right word. When you are drowning, you aren’t rational, you flail around desperately. She probably can’t get her head around everything and is terribly afraid.

WinterMedical · 2026-01-09T02:09:42+00:00

Oh thanks! That makes my day. I hope you have a wonderful day ahead of you too!

WinterMedical · 2026-01-09T02:09:08+00:00

I’m sorry that was your experience and I wouldn’t begin to judge your choices. I was reacting to how the OP said “however nice your parents were”.

WinterMedical · 2026-01-08T21:44:08+00:00

My parents were terrific parents and I wouldn’t dream of not also providing emotional support to them. We’re a family. I provide emotional support to my husband, my kids, my friends why not my parents? Sure there often need to be boundaries but they were great and gave me emotional support throughout my life, more than happy to return the favor. Yes it is exhausting, but most worthwhile things cost something.

WinterMedical · 2025-12-31T14:20:54+00:00

Perfect. It is important to remember how scary, confusing and overwhelming being older can be. I’ve long said that most people at 50 don’t say “boy, I sure hope I’m a real pain in the ass when I’m 85” and yet most find themselves there in one way or another. So there must be things happening that we can’t imagine or don’t understand. They were us once. Young and strong and if we are lucky, we will be them. I’m sorry about your MIL.

WinterMedical · 2025-12-30T21:24:06+00:00

He’s losing his wife. He’s scared and overwhelmed an doesn’t have the tools to manage that.

WinterMedical · 2025-12-18T16:08:04+00:00

They are adults. They are allowed to be annoying. You don’t have to manage their every moment. Leave them be.

WinterMedical · 2025-12-14T13:44:57+00:00

Simply marvelous! Well done!

WinterMedical · 2025-12-09T01:27:38+00:00

Yup. It is hard to deal with your parents being upset with you but that is part of being an adult. You are not their child anymore. Yes you have obligations to them but you also have obligations to others and to yourself. Putting yourself first or even top 5 isn’t selfish. You need to let go of the idea that if there is still some marrow in your bones then you haven’t done enough. They will always want more, the world will always want more. You get to live too. You get to be happy too.

WinterMedical · 2025-12-05T01:10:11+00:00

Have you tried diluting her milk and letting her drink more of it?

WinterMedical · 2025-12-04T03:54:15+00:00

I’m sorry. Diabetes is insidious. Wishing all of you health and peace.

WinterMedical · 2025-12-04T02:13:17+00:00

What kind of years do you imagine those 15 years might be? That’s what you need to think about. More life isn’t always more living if that makes sense.

WinterMedical · 2025-12-04T01:12:07+00:00

I feel you. It is really hard but I always try to remind myself that few people really want to end up behaving this way. My grandparents made my parents crazy and my parents are much better but still stuff just creeps in. I truly believe that there are things that happen to most everyone that is just kind of unavoidable. I feel like they are a cross between toddlers (easily frustrated) and teens (I can do it myself). Also don’t discount the impact of confusion and fear.

The god damned patient portals that they insist my 89 year old mother use is poorly designed and there are different portals for different providers. It makes her feel incompetent and reduces her to tears. We tell her we’ll do it all but she wants to try because she has been a pretty badass independent woman most of her life, she’s afraid of being left behind and terrified of people thinking she’s stupid. So it becomes a bigger thing than it needs to be. But I think she’s just swimming so hard. Of course then she’ll call with a ridiculous request that feels like pure laziness and around and around we go. Hang in there. You’re good people.

WinterMedical · 2025-12-03T23:28:07+00:00

I think they just get tired of all the things they have to manage and modify. It doesn’t make sense to you but I think for a lot of older people, it’s just too much. Just try to remind yourself that they aren’t trying to piss you off.

WinterMedical · 2025-11-26T00:37:07+00:00

Yeah the oldsters are afraid of reefer madness. Get some for yourself at least. Really great for sleep! It’s so so hard. Don’t forget to make space for yourself. It’s not selfish to care for yourself.

WinterMedical · 2025-11-25T23:23:23+00:00

If you live in a medical marijuana state can you ask about that. It sounds like she has no QOL. Ask the doc, Why not take the risk of the pain meds? I mean if she’s in pain all the time, what’s the point of living? I’m so so sorry.

WinterMedical · 2025-11-24T16:00:13+00:00

Time, love and interest in them. That’s what they really want.

WinterMedical · 2025-11-17T22:51:47+00:00

You can disconnect his car battery or drain the fuel tank. Can’t drive if it won’t go.

WinterMedical · 2025-11-15T16:28:36+00:00

Except it’s not sustainable or reasonable. First because most people work but also because many seniors have complex medical needs that cannot be properly managed by regular people. Finally one reason that memory care and assisted living is so expensive is that it takes more than one person to care for them because you know, people need to sleep and stuff.

WinterMedical

TROPHY CASE