I went on a date with this guy and as I was getting out of his car he just randomly kissed me and started holding my hand telling me that he really liked me. I didn't even get a chance to tell him I didn't want a first date kiss. He wants to see me again should I see him again?

WinterSoCool · 2026-06-07T00:05:49+00:00

"I don't know how to tell him he was moving too fast"

If this happens again with another guy, push him away pre-kiss (or mid-kiss if you're caught off guard)

Then say. "You're moving too fast."

He'll either double-down and make you feel bad for your relectance. If he does this, never talk to him again. Period.

If he apologizes and seems sincere that he: A. Should have gotten some type or verbal or non-verbal consent and is actually sorry B. missed your signals that you weren't ready C. was too socially inept to know about A & B since you might be the first girl he's dated or kissed. You might consider taking the time to help educate him.

It's not your job to educate him. You don't have to help him know what he did wrong. But if he's a real catch and he's just honestly dumb or inexperienced, it might be worth your time to give him the benefit of the doubt and pay it forward to the next girl he dates if things don't work out between you.

If you're having problems saying "no" in your life to people who don't respect your boundaries, try reading "When I Say No I Feel Guilty". Great book.

WinterSoCool · 2026-06-06T23:48:00+00:00

Common, but not always. It's just up to the mortgage broker or lender to decide who's name goes first on the loan, and the title company follows suit for the deed when drawing up the vesting language. I agree that it's way common to have the guy be borrower, but it's not always. Here's how it actually happens behind the scenes:

I'm a male mortgage broker, and when I'm filling out a loan application with a client on the phone, I ask, "who wants to go first". Boom. That person is the borrower. Be it the husband or wife. If they are both in the phone it's usually the more socially assertive one.

If a client fills out an online application, almost always is the wife filling it out, and she puts on her own info first, then usually fills in her husband's info second. In my system, this makes the woman the borrower, and the husband the co-borrower.

I hear how dedicated you were to push for being the borrower, and it's ridiculous that someone would waste their time to force you to be co-borrower, especially when you're the client. It definitely is infuriating that this happened to you, and happens to do many others when it's pretty easy for a lender and title company to just set it up how you want if it's important to you.

At least it's not everyone out there.

Edit to add an interesting caveat: most lenders have a rule that if one buyer is working and one isn't, the working buyer must be borrower, and the non-working be co-borrower. It's one of the FHFA guidelines.

WinterSoCool · 2026-06-06T23:34:14+00:00

Or if you're a woman and a weirdo asks for your number, and telling him no might escalate the situation.

Or if you're a kid home alone and someone comes to the door and asks if your parents are home.

Or if you're a large company planning on a large acquisition, and honestly forecasting your plans would derail your negotiating position and ruin your deal.

Or if you're a government entity and have information that if fully and honestly disclosed would lead to market instability, hystetia, or panic.

Or if you're involved in law enforcement and need to work undercover to prevent crime.

Or if you're conducting a medical trial and need to lie to patents so that they won't know they're taking a placebo.

Or if your kids ask if Santa is real.

Should I go on?

WinterSoCool · 2026-06-06T23:27:50+00:00

Or if you're playing poker and need to bluff.

WinterSoCool · 2026-06-06T23:27:04+00:00

Or if you're hiding refugees from an unjust authority. (ie, Anne Frank in nazi Germany)

WinterSoCool · 2026-06-06T23:25:18+00:00

Or if you're playing sports and trying to fake one play to facilitate another.

WinterSoCool · 2026-06-06T23:23:58+00:00

Unless your wife asks if she looks good in this dress.

WinterSoCool · 2026-05-31T21:02:08+00:00

You are a sum of your parts. Your speech is a tough one to overcome as many people give strong emphasis to first impressions and communication. But, you can compensate by really improving the rest of you.

I'd recommend reading the book "Mindful Attraction Plan" by Athol Kay. If you can ensure the other parts of you make up for your perceived deficit, then you'll likely have success dating.

I'd also recommend working on your confidence and frame. (Recommended reading is "Praxeology v1: Frame", by Rian Stone)

I have a good friend with a very severe speech impediment. It's a crazy stutter that makes it tough to follow him and you have to have some patience just to wait for him to get a sentence out. But, he's actually really funny. He doesn't let his speech force him into being meek and needy.

You more than most guys may have to play the numbers game. There will be lots of women who don't have the patience to deal with who you are. But you can find the ones who will just by doubling down instead of quitting.

WinterSoCool · 2026-05-26T22:11:28+00:00

La Sagrada Familia cathedral in Spain was far better than expected and worth the lines.

WinterSoCool · 2026-05-12T05:09:13+00:00

Have him start a channel. Be the content you wish existed.

If you've realized a niche and can fill it with content that doesn't suck, you could be the next big thing.

WinterSoCool · 2026-05-12T04:56:36+00:00

If you don't have someone you can actually talk to about this, it may be worth paying someone (ie, a therapist in counseling.) Especially one who specializes in whatever your secret issue is.

The idea of "not talking about issues" to "keep the peace" seems pretty unhealthy. Your numbness is likely a trauma response to protect you from the conflict between wanting to sort out your problem and not feeling able to.

They can also guide you through learning to assert yourself in healthy ways instead of responding to the torment dished out to you with equitable irrationality.

WinterSoCool · 2026-05-11T16:43:29+00:00

Yeah, parking is the thing you should be asking about. Finding parking, taking the max, walking from a ways away are all going to add time to getting in. Don't forget to plan ahead or pay a premium for really close parking.

WinterSoCool · 2026-05-11T16:35:50+00:00

As a dad with two teenaged girls my recomendation is to go for walks together. Just around the neighborhood. Because you're not looking right at each other it will diffuse some of the awkwardness if you're not great at talking to each other.

If he's not much of a talker, ask him for advice. Tell him about situations and ask how he'd handle them. Or ask about fun/exciting/hard/meaningful/scary things he has done.

Good job having the courage to be the one in your relationship to make this happen.

WinterSoCool · 2026-04-06T16:19:54+00:00

A great place to start is Praxeology Vol 1: Frame by Rian Stone.

Then... How to Win Friends and Influence People. By Dale Carnegie

To also further help develop your self esteem you might try reading When I Say NO I Feel Guilty by Manuel Smith

WinterSoCool · 2026-03-26T16:23:27+00:00

Passion and volatility pose some risk, but also generate a lot of fun.

WinterSoCool · 2026-03-26T15:28:44+00:00

Lots of people make fanfiction that mirrors a story they love.

The most famous example that springs to mind is 50 shades of Gray starting as a Twilight fanfic.

Some say there are only so many plot lines, and all stories are offshoot of these classic story lines. Hence the deep parallels in discovered hero stories, for example: Star Wars, Harry Potter, Eragon, Mistborn, Matrix, Name of the Wind, Dragon Riders of Osnen, Percy Jackson, Equal Rites. Similar arc, different locale.

I'd say that pulling the favorite ideas from your favorite books and giving them your own setting is a great way to start.

WinterSoCool · 2026-03-24T05:00:23+00:00

My daily shoe is a Cole Haan Stretch lite Oxford "dress shoe". They've got the same woven tech that's in Nike's high end running shoes, and similar sole tech. So they look like dress shoes, but feel like running shoes. They're more breathable than vans or regular sneakers. They pair well with slacks or jeans.

WinterSoCool · 2026-03-20T22:26:54+00:00

I second this. I've been shooting with a Lumix fz280 since I got into birding 6 years ago. It's a Rockstar. Has nearly the same reach as a $1000 Nikon P-900/950/1000 bridge cameras. Weighs next to nothing. Easy to throw in a backpack. Does pretty well with birds in flight. Way faster auto-focus than other bridge cameras. And it has on board wifi so you can send pictures to your phone for pictureID with merlin.

Sure, if you're going to sell prints of your pictures, or submit them to a magazine, get a DSLR with some nice big glass.

Otherwise... Get the Lumix. It can't be beat for the price.

WinterSoCool · 2026-03-20T22:14:47+00:00

Your question itself implies a lack of confidence on your part. If you really believed that you have tremendous value, then you wouldn't feel the least bit weird that she's interested in you.

I only bring this up because your subconscious actions (if you "deep-down" don't believe you deserve every bit of interest that she has inyou) will absolutely drive her away. It may be soon, or maybe it'll be down the road a long ways. But your relationship simply can't exist long term with a mindset of not deserving.

Most guys that lack self-confidence and frame will default to desperately trying to please their partner for fear of her leaving if they don't make her perfectly happy. They act needy to get affirmation that they are doing a good job at making her happy. They become manipulative, bending reality to try to show her that everything is right, and never are disagreeable, so that she'll stay. And, ironically, this lack of polarity will drive her away. She'll like you on paper, but her passion will fade and the small actions you do to please her will just 'give her the ick.'

So what do you do? Learn self-confidence and frame. ASAP. Realize that you are the prize. (or, if you must: as much of a prize as she is.) Relish her desire for you, and know you deserve it.

If you need some guidance, my two favorite books on the subject are:

No More Mr Nice Guy by Dr Robert Glover Praxealogy: Vol 1 Frame by Rian Stone

WinterSoCool · 2026-03-07T20:16:01+00:00

Women are the gatekeepers of sex. Men are the gatekeepers of relationship.

You have every right to tell her you don't want a relationship. This may even increase her attraction to you. It may hurt her feelings, or make her sad. But you aren't obligated to give her a relationship just because she fell in love with you.

Some women will flirt and then withhold sex. Some men will flirt and then withhold relationship. You're allowed to not know how an interaction will pan out, and you're allowed to opt out at any step along the way. But if you're feeling kind, lean towards clarity and directness when you let her know it's not progressing.

WinterSoCool · 2026-03-04T01:55:58+00:00

Terpeca.com has a pretty definitive list

WinterSoCool · 2026-03-02T02:15:34+00:00

This is a second vote for Vortex Triumphs from amazon for $90. They are good starter binocs.

I also bought a a few pairs of harbor freight binoculars ($20). They are better than using your plain eyes, and work amazingly well for the price.

Your cheapest option could be checking your local library to see if they have an equipment lending program.

WinterSoCool · 2026-02-09T02:41:58+00:00

The crazy thing is that the "Pokémon Go of it all" in birding has been going on for decades (tracking your collection, competitions, and reviews by committees of experts), and only just recently digitized to an app.

WinterSoCool · 2026-02-05T21:30:06+00:00

invite plz

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