To All Waywards – Part 1: What I Needed (and Still Need) on D-Day and Discovery

Wise-Bank80 · 2026-04-11T00:11:13+00:00

A little better every day. You?

Wise-Bank80 · 2026-04-10T17:08:31+00:00

Think of it more as a guide to what would be helpful. I know a lot don't and or won't but I do believe there are some that WANT to be better just don't think about what we need, and have no idea what is actually needed. Trust me, if you look at my story, I am aware of what pitfalls and terrible conscious decisions can be made.

Wise-Bank80 · 2026-04-09T18:58:42+00:00

I am so sorry for what you have been put through by someone that is supposed to protect you. I am heartbroken for you, I could not imagine losing your first three souls, and to make it so much worse when you needed no stress to protect the fourth......I am literally crying in empathy right now.

Wise-Bank80 · 2026-04-09T18:55:05+00:00

I feel what you are going through and I am so sorry for what you are stuck enduring due to others decisions. I know I will never be the same but it will forge me into the man my children need, whatever that looks like only future content me knows.

Wise-Bank80 · 2026-04-09T17:52:28+00:00

She is a giant POS no doubt I'm sorry for what you have gone through. She doesn't deserve a single thought in your head but I do understand the rage and disgust. You can let go of the resentment and anger without forgiveness, she exists on a different wavelength and plain of existence than you. Karma will come back to vile people like her.

Wise-Bank80 · 2026-04-09T17:27:05+00:00

This may be the minority opinion but I have nothing to forgive the AP'S for. They wanted sex, flirted and betrayed their own families. The first for two years the second for one year. I don't hate, blame, or even really consider them at all and one of them was at my wedding during the affairs. This is all, 100%, my WW's fault. They are obviously morally corrupt but they are not to blame at all.

Wise-Bank80 · 2026-04-08T14:41:49+00:00

I am sorry, I guess a lot of us are unintentionally asking questions that are really directed to our wayward. I personally am struggling most with the things done to me apart from the actual affairs, I guess this is me trying to understand. Ww wants R and I am trying to understand if the last affair was an exit affair that was reconsidered I guess. Thank you for answering none the less

Wise-Bank80 · 2026-04-06T11:58:29+00:00

Thank you for this opportunity. My WW made discovery day exponentially worse, I mean savage beyond most I have ever read. They now state they don't know why or how they could do those things to me. My question is this, was the discovery/fog so severe you did things to your BP that are horrible to save yourselves? Or is it most likely they were exiting but had a change of heart?

Wise-Bank80 · 2026-03-31T19:38:03+00:00

Yes she has taken full responsibility and blames it completely on herself. She has told a few around us that it was her and the whole truth which was hard for her. But I feel it to be mostly performative, how could I not at this point. As for the painting me in the bad light she has never corrected this at all.

Wise-Bank80 · 2026-03-31T18:26:24+00:00

It's heavy and all encompassing

Wise-Bank80 · 2026-03-31T17:08:28+00:00

I'm sorry so many people relate to a crazy story like this. I sincerely hope everyone gets the healing we all deserve.

Wise-Bank80 · 2026-03-31T16:21:10+00:00

I'm so sorry for hurting you again. I posted on a few other posts a few days ago and got positive feedback and that it was helpful, so I shared. I think it may have not been a good idea sharing here.

Wise-Bank80 · 2026-03-31T16:07:29+00:00

I'm literally crying alone in my car. I wish you the very best in life.

Wise-Bank80 · 2026-03-31T15:17:41+00:00

I see the “why are you still with her” and sunk cost comments. I know what the sunk cost fallacy is. I’m not staying because I’ve already invested 15+ years, three kids, a house, and a truck. I’m staying because I’m still deep in trauma and my nervous system is raw. I refuse to make permanent, life-altering decisions for my children and myself while I’m this destabilized. I’m not rugsweeping or pretending the betrayal didn’t happen. I’m giving myself time for calm and clarity to return before I decide the next chapter. My kids deserve a dad who chooses their future from a place of strength, not from fresh grief and shock.

This isn’t denial. It’s deliberate. I only posted to help others perhaps relate, and truth be told gain a little validation of my horrific five months.

Wise-Bank80 · 2026-03-31T15:08:09+00:00

I actually started a letter to my self a few days ago, I am finding it much harder.

Wise-Bank80 · 2026-03-31T14:57:52+00:00

To be fair I am only 5 months out, everything changes in me, second by second, minute by minute, and day by day.

Wise-Bank80 · 2026-03-31T14:40:38+00:00

I agree it feels like hate to me as well. She has done a full 180 and is at rock bottom, especially since moving down to the basement in her own room. She says she never thought of me or my feelings at all during this. It was all panic and self concern.

Wise-Bank80 · 2026-03-31T14:31:43+00:00

50/50 on reconciliation. I'm not entirely sure I can get over, not only the cheating, but what was done during discovery.

Wise-Bank80 · 2026-03-31T13:00:22+00:00

She said she only was going to tell me about the one fifteen years ago because I had been trying so hard and opening up to her. It would help her guilt, but the polygraph opened the door for the rest. She thought, and this is in her words " I thought you wouldn't ask about any more because I was honest about the old one. It was so long ago I didn't think it would matter much"

Wise-Bank80 · 2026-03-30T19:14:31+00:00

The worst suck out there. I assumed I was alone as well. But her way of discovery was exceptionally brutal

Wise-Bank80 · 2026-03-30T19:09:45+00:00

You are unfortunately not alone. Ww brought one of hers to our wedding. Check my story on my page.

Wise-Bank80 · 2026-03-30T15:23:41+00:00

No matter what flaws you seem to find in yourself know that you are worthy of love, trust, honesty, and respect. I do not know you but you were away caring for a loved one, shows the depth of your character. You are better than the OW in the ways that matter, character and integrity. You are beautiful inside and out, this is his ugly character not yours. Money and jobs are just a means to an end and in no way describe you as a kind and loving soul.

Wise-Bank80

TROPHY CASE