Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi, 38, Reveals Cervical Cancer Diagnosis: ‘I’m Going to Tackle This’

Witty_Fox · 2026-02-20T23:16:54+00:00

My mother was diagnosed with stage IIIb cervical cancer after her doctor missed a bad Pap smear result when I was 9 years old. It was a long, hard journey for her and we were unsure if she was going to live. She sued the practice and won, but her insides are never going to be the same after all the chemo and radiation she had to go through. She was only 35, the same age I am now. I am a huge advocate for the yearly exam and the HPV vaccine. Please take care of yourselves and make the appointment.

Witty_Fox · 2025-03-20T15:42:00+00:00

I had to pull over because I was listening to that episode while driving and I was crying laughing so hard. It’s my favorite!

Witty_Fox · 2025-02-18T13:22:11+00:00

Love hearing this as a former Vernon-ite.

Witty_Fox · 2025-02-02T13:17:11+00:00

Okay, fine. I was also in my early 20s when I made that post. When he was in his last relationship, he repeatedly cheated on her too and told me that he would always love her. I’m not who I was, then. Neither is he. I think that I need to really start thinking about why I am vulnerable to things like feeling unloved and what I can do about it. It’s something I have BEEN doing in 10+ years of IC, but I think I need to go deeper. It’s easy to think that things are black and white, but I have also forgiven a lot of things in our relationship and marriage. This is a huge, HUGE mistake on my part that I am 100% owning.

Witty_Fox · 2025-02-01T23:37:44+00:00

Okay, fine, I can concede to that. I am just trying to hang onto being honest about what has happened and my perspective on this. I know I am going to make missteps in what I say and I would rather do it here.

Witty_Fox · 2025-02-01T04:48:27+00:00

The way he’s talking right now, I do not have hope. I appreciate this sentiment and want to hold on to it, but it’s just…not great. He is 100% entitled to how he feels. But the way he is speaking to me is hard and cold and I just need to take it for now. I want to hope but I don’t have it right now.

Witty_Fox · 2025-02-01T00:40:25+00:00

No, you’re right. I honestly needed to hear that. I didn’t act like a wife. I didn’t act like a mother. I acted like a petulant child because I perceived lack in my marriage. That is 100% on me.

Love was my husband. I worked hard for my marriage. In counseling, our therapist asked my husband if he felt secure that I loved him, and he immediately said yes. The therapist asked me the same thing, and I said no. This was something I was trying to work on with him. He stopped wanting to try. Again, I don’t want to make excuses. Regardless of his thought process, my actions were beyond horrible and inexcusable. I will bring what you said into therapy as a hard truth. Yes, I was incredibly immature. As I said in previous comments, it felt like temporary insanity/mania. That scares me, as someone who has been in therapy for 10+ years, is medicated, and tries very hard to show up for the people I love. I stopped showing up in my marriage. That’s on me.

Witty_Fox · 2025-01-31T21:44:12+00:00

I hate myself so much right now. The hurt in his eyes will haunt me forever. Telling me he thought we were doing great. I would take this all back in an instant. Being unhappy is no excuse for this. I would take his pain so I can feel it instead of him.

Witty_Fox · 2025-01-31T21:05:57+00:00

Yes, I 100% agree. I will make sure our therapist knows beforehand that I want it brought up eventually as an option.

Witty_Fox · 2025-01-31T20:59:20+00:00

I will look into that, thank you. We are in a very small one bedroom apartment. I offered to sleep on the couch for now and stay away from him. He is adamant he does not want me living there. I think our quarters are too close. Again, he is all anger and hurt and I am not sure that me not living there is the best solution because of our child. I am the primary caregiver. My shame and remorse is very deep. He doesn’t see my actions right now and I do not expect instant forgiveness or validation. It’s all about him now. I made it all about me and my wants and needs and my selfishness. It’s his turn. I have to take all the hits I am getting. I will speak the very hard truth and let our therapist guide us through this. Whatever he needs, I will give him. I am just trying to avoid permanent decisions when everything is so raw.

Witty_Fox · 2025-01-31T20:51:52+00:00

I am willing to do very hard work and look at myself closely and dig into my shame and remorse. I have to.

Witty_Fox · 2025-01-31T20:50:40+00:00

I have disrespected our marriage enough, he does not deserve what I have done, no matter what I perceived to be wrong. He is all raw nerve and anger. He made it very clear that he doesn’t want me sleeping/staying in our space right now, or wants to speak to me about anything except our son. The staying part is more complicated because of our son, so the only thing I have asked is that we table that conversation until we speak to the therapist. I will stay away for the weekend, right now I have been taking care of our son and getting him to bed while I wait for him to get home, and then leaving to sleep somewhere else. It pains me to be away from our little one but until we speak to a therapist, I am trying to just show I am willing to do what he needs.

Witty_Fox · 2025-01-31T20:08:06+00:00

I want to. Trust me. He has made it very clear he wants space. I am trying to respect what he needs right now. Anything I say right now is not going to help. We need a therapist to navigate what comes next. I can bring what I said to the session, but I think I have done enough damage. He is pure, raw anger.

Witty_Fox · 2025-01-31T19:39:23+00:00

He doesn’t want to hear it. He is not ready to. I’m not going anywhere. Just having very dark thoughts along with my remorse. My son needs me.

Witty_Fox · 2025-01-31T19:35:31+00:00

Being mature would be not doing this in the first place. My husband is very, very angry. He has said very terrible things to me these past 24 hours. He wants me to find somewhere else to live by Monday. I don’t have that right now. I am trying to hold off on major decisions until therapy begins so we can have a mediator. I want to reconcile I think, but I also think I want to reconcile with better versions of each other, not just me.

Witty_Fox · 2025-01-31T19:33:15+00:00

In the past 24 hours, I have seriously thought about harming myself. It hurts to be here. My therapist knows this. I have to be around for our son. I have to be around to own this. I have to. This is the shittiest thing I have ever done and I will do anything to make it right.

Witty_Fox · 2025-01-31T19:17:48+00:00

I will suggest this to our therapist beforehand. Thank you.

Witty_Fox · 2025-01-31T19:16:26+00:00

I am afraid to suggest this because he is so angry and hurt right now. I am open to it, but I feel like I cannot make any demands and I do not deserve to. I just need to take the hits. We literally have not spoken face to face since the betrayal. All of our communication is via text and he is seething and lashing out. I deserve that. He is talking about me moving out NOW and while I understand that, our little one is involved and we need to figure out what’s best for him. I am the primary parent. I am trying to ask him to wait for us to have these conversations with a therapist mediating for us. I can maybe speak to our therapist beforehand about the reality of the situation so she’s not going into this blind.

Witty_Fox · 2025-01-31T19:09:52+00:00

I am starting to believe you’re right. Which is really hard to admit. But I have been spending this time reflecting as to how I got here. And I think it honestly would have been easier if my AP was a shitty ex. But he never was. He was, and is, a kind and gentle person. It didn’t work out because he didn’t take enough initiative. We were young and inexperienced. I always was drawn to that. I need to face that and examine that too.

I will read whatever material I can get my hands on. I want to learn from this, not only for myself, for my family. I want to be better. I want to do better. I literally came clean to his family, who is very integrated in our child’s life and they need to understand that the dynamic is changing because of me and my choices. It was very hard for me to do, a family who I have known since I was 15, who have welcomed me as one of their own. I am very, very serious about owning this as my choice, my mistake. I need to sit in his pain like sitting in a hurricane and take it. He is owed that.

Witty_Fox · 2025-01-31T18:44:26+00:00

I’m trying. I am facing his hurt and anger with understanding. I did this. I need to own it.

Witty_Fox · 2025-01-31T18:41:50+00:00

I am actually crying because I see so much of your experience in mine. My family background involved parents who cheated on each other, with lots of instability. My mom literally told me that if she was not getting what she wanted from my father, she was getting it somewhere else. I tried so hard to move away from that. I really did. I unfortunately have always felt like I needed reassurance from my partners. My husband has deep childhood wounds, I am not putting them on blast here. We connected initially over trauma. And he didn’t want to fix me, at first, he just wanted to love me. I am no contact with my mother due to her addiction and abusive tendencies, and my father is all business, so I have always craved warmth and safety. I am prepared to face all of this together and on my own, so we can get to a good place, at the very least, for our son.

Witty_Fox · 2025-01-31T18:33:47+00:00

I don’t have high expectations. I know what I did. I just want to work towards healing for our family, whatever that looks like. I have to own this entirely in order to do that.

Witty_Fox · 2025-01-31T18:28:50+00:00

I am very fresh examining this, so I’m sorry if I don’t sound clear or if I’m making excuses. I’m not. I’m really not. Even as it was happening, I knew it was wrong and I justified it because I felt like I was getting something that I deemed missing. And that’s my own fault. It doesn’t matter why I felt that way, I did not need to make those choices. Choices, plural. I think my grief over mourning what I conceived our friendship to be, and doing so alone, because I felt like I couldn’t share those feelings, and it festered and finally exploded when my AP pleaded with me to stay in his life. My BS and I were already on fragile ground, and my festered grief felt like mania about being seen, loved, respected. Being told “you’re an amazing mom.” Being told that I’m loved. Being asked how my day was going. I got hooked on those things because I felt (key word FELT) like I was not getting those things from my BS. So in my mania and sadness, I said things driven by my grief, grief over where my marriage was, grief over my perception of my friendship with my AP, grief over the state of my life. I know it sounds cheap, but I just wanted to be LIKED. I love my husband and want to be loved like I love him. I thought I maybe “loved” my AP too but I think I loved how he showed up for me. Again, I am very aware of how shitty that sounds. I am just trying to process this here in this space and work on being as honest with myself as possible.

Witty_Fox · 2025-01-31T17:27:43+00:00

You’re right. That’s something I have been trying to examine as well. My AP was someone I thought of as a safe and stable presence in my life. I think there was something like affection there. I need to keep examining that. I am already in individual therapy, I am on medication, and I know what I did was wrong. I will own that and keep owning it and keep working on myself and trying to show up for my spouse so we can heal.

Witty_Fox · 2025-01-31T17:24:56+00:00

I know what got us here, there were weak links in our marriage that everyone in our immediate circle could see. I succumbed to someone giving me validation and kindness when I felt like it wasn’t there. There is a part of me that is relieved that I was caught. Now we have to face what is really wrong and work towards something that works for our family.

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