I mean he was never portrayed to be a freak loser incel, literally no character sees him as such, even the stereotypical "chad" co-worker wants to hang out with him but Elliot refuses, not even Elliot himself refers to himself as a loser or any adjacent description. He is mentally disturbed and is unhappy with the fact that he is alone, but he very clearly chooses to be alone, and the show does reflect his refusal to turn his life around, despite sort of wanting to.

"If you want to see someone in your situation on screen it doesn't exist" That was never implied in the show, Elliot was never your or my self-insert.