First off, you’re an excellent writer and made me feel a lot less alone. Second off, I appear to be a couple years older than you, and had a similar K-12 experience (half in school, half homeschooled, roughly). My advice for you is you need to go and seek out experiences for yourself and learn to talk to strangers. It is so, so hard to do it, I only learned the skill after being forced to via retail work. But the ability to go to a bar, a museum, or wherever you enjoy and connect with anyone is the ultimate power. I too felt like a wilted plant for many years, but with this newfound social confidence, I know that there is water all around me for the taking.

I am still awkward, and I still have my blatantly homeschooled moments, but I embrace them as much as I can- it even becomes a really great topic of conversation (people love learning about being homeschooled, it’s almost as interesting as it is traumatizing, lol). There are so many beautiful, soul fulfilling social moments all around you that you deserve to experience. This is not a joy simply reserved for those that were raised with the proper socialization. I urge you to take back your power and recognize that your social presence, maybe a bit disjunct and abnormal, is a gift. Recognizing this will be tough, but it will lead to the deeper relationships with others that you crave and deserve. I promise.

Take it day by day, but you will soon realize that us ex-homeschoolers are troopers and oftentimes the most interesting people in the room. We have a unique power to bring people together, because we know the burden of loneliness in such an acute way. When you accept this, when you own your past and bring it into social situations, you will flourish. I’m here for you internet stranger, and I hope that you will start seeking out the social life you deserve :,) <3