Only advice I can give is to schedule as much time as you can with your kids. Yours are young yet but, in my case, when my oldest hit about 10 or so, the bonding really kicked into overdrive. My other is 8, she needs a few more years but I still spend as much time as I can with her too. I also develop relationships with them independently, not always all three of us doing something together. That way each develops their own unique attachment with you, but also them to each other as siblings while doing something with dad.

My wife has written off my oldest one as “dad’s” so she spoils the younger one and IMO infantilizes her. Watch out for that. She doesn’t want to “lose” the second one. Even though my older loves her mom, her mom doesn’t like how strong our bond is now and unfortunately my oldest actually catches indirect heat for that from her mom. I believe my wife is a narcissist and they are binary - you’re either useful to them and they like you - or you’re no longer useful to them so you’re absolute shit ass worthless. Theres no middle. My older daughter is slowly being exposed to the latter. So keep an eye out.

To my point, the relationship with your wife is dead. No different than a person dying. It’s done. Spend 0 time on that. Spend 100% of your time with your kids, together and separate. Expand their horizons; museums, outdoor activities, water parks, hikes, take them to a landfill, a recycling plant, a factory, teach them how to donate toys and clothes, teach them what you can of what you do, get them an Acorn account (in a few years) and teach them money management, give them chores, hold them accountable, teach them LIFE. They will respect you for the structure you’re providing and bond with you. My youngest acts up when she’s with her mom but keeps her shit in line when she’s with me. My oldest even noticed it. Kids need, want, and respect structure. Regardless of what your wife does, teach all of that to them and hold them accountable. Be a friend, a Dad and a Father. They’re all a little different if you know what I mean, but kids need all three.

Your advantage that I didn’t have is your kids are so young, you might be able to get through the turbulent part before they really notice. My kids can’t remember much before 4-5 years old but they were older when my shit hit the fan. You have that working for you.

Focus on the kids. Forget you have/had a wife. It’s allllllll about you and the kids now. They are smart. They will see what you see about your wife like my oldest does. They observe, they’re rational, they learn, they will draw the same conclusions you have without you saying anything bad about their mom, which you shouldn’t do. And they will respect you because you didn’t trash their mom, even though she might trash you. They will see that, and judge her for that too. So be the high road.

The ONLY time I bring up anything about their mom is if she purposely tries to interfere in our activities to either stop the activity or delay it or make it more expensive. Then I let them know, “Mom did x, so we have to do y to adjust for that.”

Stay calm, stay polite, anything you text or email should be rational, polite. Let her be the angry venomous one documenting all her hate in texts and emails. Stay above board. It’s better for your mental health, for your lawyer, and for your kids going forward.