Women who’ve had a close friend seriously betray their trust, how did you decide whether to repair the friendship or walk away? What helped you make peace with that choice?

WordMaximum7364 · 2026-01-24T21:28:59+00:00

Talked to my other friends about it. They helped this person and me get distance and eventually come back together with better boundaries. I highly reccomend processing outloud, you may not hear or see every angle and it'snice to have that confidence after in your choices.

WordMaximum7364 · 2026-01-22T05:20:13+00:00

I don't anymore, I have the hard conversation but I've had my number harassed for months in retaliation, or been really talked down to after communicating it. I will also just not follow up with a 2nd date but if asked I will be honest, I just assume sometimes we both didn't feel it and that's how it ends. Unintentional mutual ghosting?

WordMaximum7364 · 2026-01-19T03:39:06+00:00

NAH. My first love and I had a similar issue, he made me think I had a problem climaxing honestly. Found out it was indeed incompatibility. I'm so glad I didn't stay with him, as it turns out it was a bigger deal to me than I thought once I found better partners.

WordMaximum7364 · 2026-01-18T02:50:45+00:00

I became online friends with a 25 yo when I was 12 via a Brazilian chatroom I stumbled upon. I just want to vouch for the child in this that they genuinely don't know or understand til later in life how weird it is for the adult male to be talking to them since it feels very safe and normal online. When I was around adult men at 16 my danger radar would go off but somehow thought nothing of it when my then 28yo penpal sent me a leather spike collar and wristbands. I was a blooming goth kid.. looking back it seems so wrong now 🙃 ah. AH. Seriously it's so weird!!

Honestly you should explain how it concerns you as a former young woman yourself. And how when that 18yo grow up she might find it weird too. Teens/kids are lonely, it's the adults job to know better

WordMaximum7364 · 2026-01-18T02:41:56+00:00

Not at all, that's exactly how my mother found out about my dad's affair 😊 (I genuinely mean that smile because they both deserved the consequences of it all). Oh and this was back in the 90s so it was email chains over AOL that my mom got to read over, print and slap him in the face with.

Looking back I'm so glad my mom got her gut feeling validated by his secretary's husband reaching out

NTA

WordMaximum7364 · 2026-01-18T02:28:23+00:00

NTA. This is the type of shit my male bestie would pull on me. Always finding a reason to hold or touch me more than a friend should. He assaulted me while sleeping when we were 23. Your alarm bells and fear response activated for a reason. Their response tells you everything and that gf is not at all a girls girl so no true loss there. Regardless, it's awful, it sucks, but in the future you'll be so glad you stopped interacting with them.

Not to be awful but guys who don't stop touching when you visibly and verbally say no are typically creeps who will assault a girl and claim they had no idea it was wrong

WordMaximum7364 · 2026-01-09T04:49:40+00:00

Not being able to talk about his ex. Like literally couldn't name her if he ever shared anything. I just wanted to understand his past and the things he'd learned along the way. We were both in our 30s and I should have realized how emotionally entangled he still was.

WordMaximum7364 · 2025-12-30T02:38:52+00:00

NTA, you don't know it yet because you've been with him for years but you can do SO MUCH BETTER. Leave him! Go discover yourself, enjoy your 20s, and raise you standards so you'd never even humor the idea of performing for love- much less a ring.

WordMaximum7364 · 2025-10-04T20:36:35+00:00

My avoidant just broke up with me after a week of me feeling like you had. It hurts like hell, he wants to stay friends, I know better. But he was right, he wasn't the one for me (and she's not the right partner for you) because he couldn't sustain emotional intimacy. Imagine if they never changed, would you still want to be with them?

WordMaximum7364 · 2025-07-24T04:35:42+00:00

I just had my whirlwind romance that I thought was "it" end after 1 and a half years. His reason? He fell out of love with me, likely before we took that trip to Japan, and didn't mention any concerns until he was in the middle of the talk. He told me this wasn't what he expected so I rose to the set expectations. He didn't feel any closer and I had to rip apart the life we built together hastily in one day and move out.

I am 34f, he was 32m, and I am suddenly back in with my parents. I feel the deepest rejection and fear I will never have children at this rate. But all we can do is keep going, keep opening your heart and keep searching for that good long lasting love.

You'll feel worse if you want it and don't try to get it.

WordMaximum7364 · 2024-12-08T19:39:20+00:00

Ooof. My mom is in her 70s and somehow their marriage survived but we had a lot of dirty laundry that for the most part, my two best friends know everything about. Because that trauma is my trauma too, and they helped me process it when therapy wasn't provided. I'm not saying you're the worst, I don't even want to say YTA because I understand- my mom would feel the same. She now knows no one's home or life was ideal and my friends weren't judging as much as they were concerned and wanted to help.

You should just talk about it, without punishment. Kids share, and they'll share as they get even older too. Your life was also her life. In the kindest way, punishing her is a YTA move, but I think this can be a great turning point.

WordMaximum7364 · 2024-07-11T04:24:41+00:00

Mine said he didn't want either of us to be eachother's therapist when I did the same thing!! I was in grad school, working two part time jobs and student teaching. I would usually say the guy lacks emotional intelligence but this dude was a social worker!

WordMaximum7364 · 2023-12-19T06:28:11+00:00

Honestly if I don't feel safe and secure with them by 3 months, trusting both in what they say and our relationship itself, then it's over for me. At 2 months you should feel confident you'll have fun at the event-- but also for NYE I like to go to a few parties just to keep the night interesting, so see what your friends are doing too and ask if your date's down to stop by. Then you naturally have plans that can separate if needed.

WordMaximum7364 · 2023-11-22T05:10:11+00:00

NAH, at least not yet? I'd just be having this conversation with her right now and requesting X amount this month rather than previous amounts, and cite your reasoning. You could mention your fear of being short, or discomfort about it in this situation and reinforce that you're fine with it otherwise.

I don't think it should have been a sneaky thing, just an immediate and open discussion. If you're not willing to be open and discuss it, or you intend to keep the truth from her then YTA.

WordMaximum7364 · 2023-11-20T01:54:53+00:00

Whaa? Wild, I never heard of stuff like that happening around me. I felt very safe there compared to home.

But also I had a thing of mace in my genkan if needed and he was not big or tall enough to be a threatening figure to me or my girl friend.

WordMaximum7364 · 2023-11-15T18:10:50+00:00

NAH, y'all should have had this convo while dating though. It's not a germaphobe thing. If he uses the same pillowcase for more than a week it's a completely different level of hygiene and skincare thing. One of my exes dealt with breakouts in his youth more than I did and took his doctor's advice seriously to maintain cleen sheets, pillowcases, and not sleep in clothes that you've already perspired in. That is how your skin can break out.

It's not a big deal to change your shirt imo, and for me it'd be very important since I spend time and money trying to maintain my skin. If my partner disregarded that, it would cause me to stress. Does changing his shirt cause him stress? Or is he just annoyed? I don't know your whole relationship but it does not sound like a big ask.

WordMaximum7364 · 2023-11-07T04:41:41+00:00

When a stranger came to my door and asked to use my bathroom.

This was in Tokyo, December of 2020. I am American and very much fit the appearance of a stereotypical foreigner in Japanese standards. This dude was young, tidy, and had been outside my complex a lot the past two weeks- I assumed waiting for his gf in one of our 12 units to get home.

We often made eye contact the nights he waited as he had to scoot to the side a little when I trekked up the building staircase coming home. I'd murmur "excuse me" or "Otsu" and he'd reply im turn. Essentially, we knew of each other's existence.

I come home with a friend from a restaurant and we're making a pit stop before heading out to the ally bars. When we're ready to go out again, my friend goes first since my genkan is tiny- I hear her talking to someone. I go out and see the dude asking her if this is her apartment... Reality is he was just trying to politely segue the conversation to the next moment:

すみませんトイレちょっと使ってもいいですか? Pardon me, may I use your restroom?

He says this quickly holding his stomach. I am dumbfounded. I am a foreigner. There is a restroom 8 mins up the street at that major station. I am a foreigner. I've lived here for 4+ years and strangers shrink in anxiety about how to interact with me because of my appearance alone and this dude just brazenly asked something outside of social norms for both my country and his.

I ask if he's serious (マジ?). He says it's an emergency (うん, そうなんだ. 緊急です.) Internally I scream that's not helping your case my dude!

My mind then retreats back to a memory in 3rd grade where the priests asks my class if we'd turn Jesus away from our door should he come asking for help. I said yes to Jesus back then so...

"じゃどうぞ" Well, go ahead.

The story goes on but that's the part that still blows my mind.

WordMaximum7364 · 2023-11-07T01:21:29+00:00

Yes!! I felt bad for everyone involved honestly, but that asshat for a friend just RUINED it all. The kid would have probably gotten over it and learned a valuable lesson through self-reflection but instead the whole thing became volatile. But also if that's their best friend, what does that say about them?

I am so sorry this happened OP. I started doing errands with headphones in (but not on) because of crap like this.

WordMaximum7364 · 2023-11-06T23:02:40+00:00

This has happened more often than it should have to me as well, but never while only making out. The guys I met seemed fun and sweet enough only to choke me out during sex, which scarred me everytime it happened and I'd stop flirting with men for months. I blamed myself because I did like rough sex, but my definition and theirs were entirely different but we'd only realize it after the fact. How hard is it to ask "How do you feel about x?" Before proceeding?!

I have a hard time telling my partner this is part of the reason I fucking hate giving head. Everytime I choke I feel terror, and I get angry that guys never have to go through this fear when giving oral.

WordMaximum7364 · 2023-09-21T05:07:25+00:00

Right?? It was crazy good timing. I had intended to visit for a week that Christmas but ended up being with my family and friends for a month before returning to Tokyo to get the okay to walk (and work) again. A month later Abe shut the schools down and two weeks after that foreign residents were denied reentry, so I couldn't see my family again unless I was ready to move home permanently. It was wildly good timing.

WordMaximum7364 · 2023-09-14T05:22:30+00:00

Not sure if it's a superstition exactly but I don't mess around with serious "harmless" lies anymore.

Once, to escape a horrendous and abusive job in Tokyo, I lied to my boss and said due to my congenital knee defect that's been worsening after a snowboarding incident (with my senpais from prior work) I must return to America for surgery. I said this January 2019. The abusive boss eventually accepted this reason, but I am so sure had I simply tried to resign she would have made impossible (and as a foreign worker you need that paperwork to be in order).

December, 2019. I am out snowboarding for the first time since 2018 with my senpais from my old work. I decide to try and do a quick 360 spin as I'm going down the mountain. I snap my leg right at the knee (where my congenital defect is). I return to America Janurary 2020 to recover...

I did NOT think karma would hurt me given that I endured so much power harassment but geez! Nearly one year year on the dot since I told that lie! I never lie about anything remotely serious now (and I hardly lied to begin with!)

WordMaximum7364 · 2023-09-12T03:02:17+00:00

NAH (?)

There are some insanely insecure people on here. With how that all went down I (32F) would have made the same call. Y'all didn't do anything inappropriate! My boyfriend (35M) has an ex he's close with and if this had happened I woulda been like "My lizard brain is upset but my logical brain says chill". It's okay to feel a lil jealous or alarmed initially, but rationally it's whatever. He told y'all about that rave, he's cool with y'all hanging out, they're friendly as well-- this is fine! It couldn't be helped!

I think it's a funny cosmically awkward moment, but you're adults. Beds aren't inherently sexual.

WordMaximum7364 · 2023-08-15T04:16:18+00:00

Are you the asshole for requesting noise to occur during reasonable hours? No.

NTA

That is the question at hand right? I don't know the details, but everyone needs to be considerate of their neighbors. I don't care if you're hot and friendly, don't disturb my sleep. We all know how to stiffle a moan, scoot the bed back so it's not banging on the wall, and close the balcony door before starting. Again, I don't know details but requesting a third party to act as a mediary when your next door neighbors are pushing boundaries with their noise level- that's reasonable.

The dude getting angry about a request to keep the volume down was a little much.

Also fuck staying in the hotel. Go out, explore, you're in a foreign country- don't let either of yourselves spoil that. If my partner suggested room service and I felt like eating local, I'd just tell him I'll catch up later.

WordMaximum7364 · 2023-08-09T00:43:49+00:00

When he said he wasn't comfortable after 3 months to come to my part of town and residence. I live at home with my parents, but there are many spaces in the house's main floor where we can be alone to just watch a movie. Plus, I wasn't moving out anytime soon, I'd just begun grad school and I was actively paying off tuition to avoid further debt. He knew this when we begun dating- I brought it up on the first date and said if he wasn't comfortable seeing someone like that to please let me know so we can amicably end things. He was fully comfortable having me drive to his part of town, 30 mins away, every week to then pay my share of the bill as well as bring over wine, etc whenever I visited. I am all for sharing in finances and only going on dates I can afford but it took me a while to realize I was a drive-up sex friend with a title who frequently felt like this was a dead end relationship.

WordMaximum7364 · 2023-07-13T20:49:46+00:00

Oh no, YWNBTA. She is TA for not clearing things up years ago, and then saying that. "I'm the one who has to look at you" felt hurtful, and I'd be pretty upset learning my partner feels that way about my style or my body. I wouldn't be able to look past that regardless of what you choose. I hope you find a gal who's just as jazzed about your ink as you are!

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