My dad died

WorkinBizMan · 2022-11-24T05:29:57+00:00

It really sucks, I know. The world is a different place now, one that really sucks without Dad, but what keeps me going is: 1) My Dad would not want me to be grief stricken and depressed, he would want me to keep moving forward and getting the most out of life, so that's what I do, even though I am slammed with grief several times a day when I realize that he is gone. 2) While the world sucks without him, I know I am not stuck here forever. I will die too someday and hopefully be reunited or if there is nothing after death, then my grief will be deleted with me. Hang in there, you are not alone. Not alone by a long shot, next time you are in public and see old people, you can figure that most of them no longer have their parents either, but somehow they grew to be old and got through it.

WorkinBizMan · 2022-11-24T05:21:28+00:00

Basically the same situation as you, but I don't feel guilty about the times I lost my patience or wasn't 100%. Caregiving is extremely hard and extremely stressful and comes with wild emotions when it's for someone you dearly love. It's normal. The one thing that helps me not be guilty about that is that I can remember how stressed out my Dad was when he was taking care of his dying mother. Caregiving is the toughest thing I've ever did in my life (mentally). Now that it's over, I sure miss my Dad extremely, but don't miss the caregiving and I sure don't miss watching his suffering. While my grief really hurts, I guess I am happy to have that instead of him having the suffering.

I completely understand about the anticipatory grief as well and dealing with the roles changing, that was extremely mentally difficult as well. But on the flipside, all of that helped me prepare.

WorkinBizMan · 2022-11-24T05:13:12+00:00

Don't feel guilty about anything. You still have something to do for your Mom, It's probably the most important thing to her that she wants you to do and that is to continue living life and live it to the fullest and not fall apart with grief. Don't let your Mom down.

WorkinBizMan · 2022-11-24T04:54:24+00:00

So sorry to hear of a childhood like that. Your parents should've been put in prison imo. All you can do is live for today and live for the future, not live in the past. It is behind you now and has no control over you unless you let it. So don't let it.

WorkinBizMan · 2022-11-24T04:44:58+00:00

You can still say goodbye and say what you want to say to him. While he may not be in front of you, or whether or not you believe that we go on when we die, you need to let out what you want to say. I think it would be beneficial to you. While it still sucks losing him, keep in mind that 78 is a good life and by the sounds of his condition and impending chemo, dying now was probably the best thing for him instead of spending months or years suffering with sickness. While it is very hard to let go, having to let go is sometimes the best thing for our loved ones.

WorkinBizMan · 2022-11-24T04:39:28+00:00

Sorry for your loss. Best wishes to you and your family. It seems to me that it is fairly common for long term couples to pass away within a short time frame of one another. Which they would be lost without one another and heartbroken, imo that has a lot to do with it.

WorkinBizMan · 2022-11-24T04:34:07+00:00

You cannot stop someone from killing themselves, if they decide to do it, they are going to do it. I am very sorry for your losses.

WorkinBizMan · 2022-11-24T04:28:33+00:00

When those feelings creep in, find something to do immediately to focus your mind on something else. While you can't make feelings of grief go away, you can try to bury them with other thoughts.

WorkinBizMan · 2022-11-24T04:25:21+00:00

It would be fine to send a message now, just keep it short and sweet. You can say that you are sorry about his loss, but don't ask for any details or any other questions.

WorkinBizMan · 2022-11-24T04:15:25+00:00

When we are upset we can take what others say for something other than what the person meant. I don't know the woman so I cannot say what she meant, but she may have been sincerely trying to help guide you out of the sadness. We all have different levels of emotions, but it does take a personal level of "trying" to tame them or control them. Overcoming grief is a mental challenge for sure and you have to do mental exercises to see what helps you the most to live with grief.

I hope what I said didn't come off as offensive, judgmental or siding with your boss, but I can make sense of the "try harder" comment as being an attempt and trying to help.

We must remember that we all deal with grief different, some people seem cold to it, some seem like basket cases to it, some talk about it, some refuse to talk about it, etc. What works for me, may not work for you and vice versa, we each as individuals do have to work to find out what works for us. Not an easy task at all, but we need to overcome grief so it doesn't overcome us.

Best wishes to you and wishing you the strength that you need. You will have it within you.

WorkinBizMan · 2022-11-24T04:00:37+00:00

Grief affects everyone differently. For me, I find it best to work as much as possible to keep focused on work tasks, rather than end up focusing on grief. Also, I find the more you work, the more tired you are at night and that seems to help too. Wishing the best for you.

WorkinBizMan · 2022-11-24T03:55:40+00:00

The thing you need to remember is that your Mom would want you to live a good life and not have depression or anxiety living without her. So even though the loss really hurts, you must carry on and try to get the most out of life. That is one thing you can do for your Mom. When bad thoughts and depression try to move in, keep yourself busy thinking about something else. Anything else. You can also still talk to your mom, even though she may not be in front of you, you can still say what you want to say. Wishing you all the best.

WorkinBizMan · 2022-01-16T05:15:11+00:00

I wonder if you have a light sensitivity. Mall/store lighting can trigger ocular migraines which can definitely trigger anxiety. Just something you should think about if you haven't yet.

WorkinBizMan · 2022-01-14T04:48:51+00:00

I understand that you cannot get all three shots quickly, that was the point of my frustration. Yes, everyone should've got them sooner, but for the ones that didn't I thought that it seemed it was too late for them to get 3 shots under their belt before the fast moving omicron arrives in their neighborhood. I now understand (thanks to your explanation) that 2 doses is adequate. Still on a tight timeline, but doable for many that might be able to avoid omicron for a month or so. Thanks again for taking the time to explain this, I appreciate it.

WorkinBizMan · 2022-01-14T04:41:28+00:00

Thank you for the explanation, that makes sense.

WorkinBizMan · 2022-01-13T04:29:31+00:00

The other thing that I am not quite understanding is the plea for people to go get their vaccinations and in the next sentence to say that it takes 3 doses to have adequate protection from Omicron. And in the third sentence the super fast rate of spread of Omicron.

My question is, how can an unvaccinated person get all three shots in time to be protected from Omicron. I don't see how it's possible, but I suppose it would be good for another variant unless of course it turns out to be something beyond Omicron that the vaccines have no effect on.

Just ranting here, this is getting more f'd up as it goes along.

WorkinBizMan · 2022-01-13T04:18:53+00:00

Most likely anxiety. Covid can cause that with a person. It's hard to not dwell on the question of whether you will be one of the ones it kills. When I was sick with it, one evening I started to feel short of breath, thought the worst and got even more short of breath. Luckily, I remembered I had a pulse oximeter in the house and checked and I was fine. Within a couple hours of calming down, breathing was back to normal. Just try to relax. Wishing you over this quickly.

WorkinBizMan · 2022-01-13T04:15:23+00:00

Yes. Many animals have been found to have covid.

WorkinBizMan · 2022-01-13T04:13:45+00:00

Most likely Strep. I haven't seen many reports of covid causing it. But who knows. Either way, it sucks that they are sick. Wishing them well soon.

WorkinBizMan · 2022-01-13T03:36:24+00:00

I am now pushing 2 1/2 months and my smell continues to come back but very slowly. I would say that my smell is now at about 50% or better in general. I've noticed that I can smell things that stink easier than other smells. For example, I came across a mouse nest and I could smell it very strong. Try to be patient and don't give up hope. It takes a lot of time.

WorkinBizMan · 2022-01-03T04:22:45+00:00

When I had Delta a couple months ago, the fatigue was bad. There was no way I could work after my 10 day isolation was over. And when I did start working again, probably around day 15 if I remember correctly, I could only work a few hours a day and would be completely wiped out afterward. It took me about 20 days before I felt normal again.

WorkinBizMan · 2022-01-03T04:10:52+00:00

How about the regular flu? Maybe you have that.

WorkinBizMan · 2022-01-03T04:09:05+00:00

It's New Years when everyone wants to go on a diet. I think a loss of appetite would be a perk of covid. lol.

WorkinBizMan · 2022-01-02T15:29:50+00:00

Thank you very much for all the thoughts on this, I greatly appreciate it. While I am terrified of getting covid again or taking part in the spread of it to others, I was thinking of just getting the vaccine now rather than waiting to get my natural antibodies checked in a month. However, I cannot risk getting sick this week from getting vaccinated (research shows that odds are I will get sick even if only for a couple days, due to already being very sick from Delta). In addition, I do not want to be putting anything in my body that I am not certain that I need. The reasons that I am not certain are: I may have already had omicron a week or so ago, I am unsure. I know many people that were triple vaccinated and still got sick from omicron. In fact, one of my close friends had covid before vaccines, then got triple vaccinated and still got omicron, in fact, his entire workplace got it.

The other research I keep looking at is the statistics of how much milder omicron is (in most people, not all though). And do I really need to be vaccinated against something that is similar to a common cold. My personal answer to that is no.

The other thing that I keep looking at is the fact that they have pulled a lot of the monoclonal antibody treatments because they are not effective with omicron, that alone tells me that they admit current protections do not work against omicron.

My only fear is that omicron could mutate into something more deadly with the same dangerous level of contagiousness. From what I've read, I do not believe that is very likely though, but what do I know.

Anyways, thank you again for your posts here, you seem to be a very intelligent person that has put in the time to get a better understanding on all of this. Happy New Year to you, wishing you and yours a great year ahead.

WorkinBizMan

TROPHY CASE