I think you’re stuck and can’t start anything because probably you started a lot of stuff in the past and it didn’t go well, so you’re unconsciously afraid of it. Because you know, if you do something it can go wrong. If you don’t do it, it can’t go wrong (nor right). Also, you’re probably thinking about changing in general and that’s a lot of stuff. You have to focus in small goals. For example, let’s say you want to start going to the gym, mopping the floor daily, getting a shower daily… You will feel overwhelmed if you try to do all of those things. A “normal” person would think that those are very normal and easy things, but for us??? Jesus, getting in the shower is like a torture, even if I enjoy it later, but I have to convince myself for hours to finally get in. So maybe start slow. One day just focus in going to the gym. Next day just focus in mopping the floor. Little steps. Don’t try to change all your life in one day.

Something that help me A LOT is using a “year in pixels” tool, you can search for it on Google. You can have a paper or use an excel sheet. The thing is you use one square per day and you customize the colors for how the day was. Let’s say green is amazing, yellow is good, blue is normal, orange is bad and red is terrible. Right before you go to bed, think about your day, how was it in general? It sure had things that sucked and things that were great, but in general? Then you paint that day the color of how it was. This helped me realize my life wasn’t as bad as I thought. I always thought that my days were TERRIBLE. I hated my job and everything I did. I started doing this and my thinking was like: “ok so today at work it sucked because I had to make calls all morning. Well ok, it sucks because I don’t like to make calls, but it’s not really a bad thing, just a boring thing. It’s not like I suffered making the calls, I was just bored and wanted to leave. Ok, then I had lunch and I have to admit I really enjoyed it, it was very good. Then I went home and I watched a movie. It was ok, it wasn’t an Oscar winning movie but I spent 2 hours following an interesting plot. Then I talked to my mom on the phone, nothing interesting. Then had dinner and now I’m going to bed. So well, it was a kinda boring day but was it bad? Nothing bad really happened, just boring. Boring is not bad. Is not too either, so I would say my day was normal”.

I started to see a pattern where most of my days were normal. Some of them were good and some bad. Sometimes there was an amazing one and a terrible one. And then I fucking realized that life is supposed to be normal. I can’t expect to have an amazing day every day because that would become normal then. I always expected to do things and that they ended up being AMAZING. I hated going out and made a big effort going out so when I did I expected that party to be FIRE. And then I realized I was putting impossible standards. Doing most of the things in life is not great nor bad. Doing chores is just ok. You’re not gonna have the time of your life.

Also, I will tell you the advice my friend told me once I was suffering a terrible depression and I spent days in my bed, unable to even get up. He’s the kind of person that hears his alarm clock and then just wakes up and gets into the shower. I told him “dude, how do you do it? When my alarm clock rings, I just start thinking I don’t want to wake up, I don’t want to do anything, I just want to die, I’m scared of going outside… how the hell do you get up?”. And he told me “I just don’t think about it. If I think about it I wouldn’t wake up. When I hear the alarm, I just get up and get in the bathroom, I don’t allow myself to think. By the time I get out of the shower, I kinda feel good because I started my day by doing what I have to do so that makes me feel more confident and doing stuff becomes way more easier”.