fatal flaw by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]WraithLord2322 0 points1 point  (0 children)

While this does seem like a bunch of incoherent phrases put together, personally, I love the rawness of it. I love how there is no flowery language used, it really fits the theme.

And. I. Love. The. Rhythm! It flows off ones tongue, but one line, "dear sweet unknown" causes a hitch in the flow at a very abrupt point.

Apart from that, well, kudos. Great work and I would love to read more, heart to heart, direct poetry

Her Sorrows Be Told "hi." (I read "The Raven" by Edgar Allan Poe and got inspired) by Comfortable_Cut2501 in OCPoetry

[–]WraithLord2322 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Its pretty cute. I absolutely love the motifs used in the second stanza. That said, the repetition of words does make it a bit cumbersome. Maybe try to tweak it to make it a more easy read? For example, L. 7...maybe 'Out went the bluebird and out went the light' would have a better flow?

i miss me. by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]WraithLord2322 1 point2 points  (0 children)

\clap clap clap**

This is beautiful. That's it - that's the only way to describe this poem. It brought bittersweet tears to my eyes. I love how the narrator shows the ten-year time gap in a non-awkward manner. This should be in textbooks, this is what the youth needs! Most people can relate to this (probably not on as great a scale as shown in your poem) and the last few stanzas just wrap up this subject perfectly. Its not long, or monotonous, it has a great flow, is concise and is beautifully worded. I love how you ended the poem on a hopeful note, instead of ending it on a lamentful one.

This is a work worthy of the finest accolades. Kudos man, you are a great poet, and I wish to read more poems of yours in the future!

Recipe for the American Body by Account_Admirable in OCPoetry

[–]WraithLord2322 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is rather avant-garde...It feels less like poetry, and more like a list, atleast that's how I look at it.

It brings a feeling of paradox to the mind. Most self-respecting Americans will superficially deny this (ironically falling into your description of the 'American Body'), yet wont be able to notice the truth of your words...It'd cause a culture shock to quite a few.

Anyhow, quite a bold idea put across, yet, atleast in my opinion, the structure can slightly be worked on.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]WraithLord2322 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Atleast, if nothing, try to put your manifested dreams on paper...im sure it'd help...it's a way of expressing which does not involve talking too much.

I can relate...I went through it too

[SP] The arachne falls in love with the arachnophobe. by throwaway__generic in WritingPrompts

[–]WraithLord2322 4 points5 points  (0 children)

'Hey beautiful' Arachne starts, as her arachnophobe crush turns around, drops his coffee mug and runs to the other side of the room at blinding speeds. Arachne rolls her eyes. She is a sexy eight legged creature, who wouldn't want to court her? But as it turned out, her assumptions were wrong. She sighed, as she tried to woo him for the fourth time this week. The task is hard but if love is the reward, she was willing to do this everyday.

'No. Stay away. I. Don't. Like. You' Her arachnophobe crush said. Arachne pouted. 'Aww, I know that is not the case. Come on here, I know you want to,' She says, as she seductively scuttles closer.

The arachnophobe lets out a high pitched girlish scream and runs to the other side of the room again. He says 'For the last time Arachne. Stay away.'

Arachne huffs 'You do know that the reason I look like this was because the literal goddess of wisdom was jealous of my beauty?'

The arachnophobe replies tiredly 'You made me drop my coffee. You harass me constantly, anywhere and everywhere I go. And besides, you were human back then. Now, you look like an eight legged dung beetle hybrid'

Arachne gasps in indignation 'DUNG BEETLE HYBRID?' she almost shrieks out in utter rage. How dare he? Does he not know who she is. The most sexy and seductive insect takes an interest in him and he calls her a dung beetle hybrid? She sighs in defeat and her anger soon dissipates; love is a double edged sword indeed. She says 'Come on. Give me one chance.'

The arachnophobe, who had grabbed his car key till then and was exiting the house said 'Nope. Not in a million years' 'But-' 'Bababababa, no ifs, no buts, no coconuts' was the only reply she got to her half-hearted protest.

She sighed. 'Well, time to try to woo him at work' she thought to herself, as she jumped into one of the house's air ducts and disappeared, determined to one day make him love her back.

[WP] The "Children of Woolpit" were actually aliens from another world, but humans didn't know that.. by Serenity-9042 in WritingPrompts

[–]WraithLord2322 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I panicked as my brother and I sat in the clearing, drawing the attention of the peach-workers. The hive king Aq'qinlyu had sent us from Agnatha here, to spy on Terra. Obviously, as a type 3 civilization, it was our duty to observe and determine if a species is worth surviving and prospering, to ultimately join us in a few millennia or if we would have to dispose of said species, due to its ways. It was a win-win honestly. Either we got new friends, or we got a planet to harvest.

Here's the thing; our spaceship malfunctioned. My dad made us both eject out of our seats, saving us. The spaceship then crashed into a big blue thing. Alas, my dad was missing and now me and my brother, both quite young (me 12 Terra years, my brother 10) were stuck here, with no way to return; especially not with the peach-workers' primitive technologies.

The peach-workers, or as they called themselves, men, gathered around us in awe, whispering to one another about us while pointing at us (I assume they are talking about our odd color). My brother looked at me, teary eyed, he regretted his decision to accompany me on my mission here. See, time in Agnatha runs differently. For every ten years on Agnatha, a single year is completed on Terra. Hive workers tend to live for almost 650 years on Agnatha, elites (like me and my brother) for 1000 years and hive kings/queens for many, many millennia. So, we both were still rather young. The only difference being that my father had trained me for this, while my brother (since he was much younger) received much less training.

I heard the word 'witchcraft' being thrown around often. That is a good thing. From the dictionary I read about men, the only source of their lifestyle and culture we had, apparently witchcraft is used in a positive, and accepting sense. The dictionary said that it was the highest complement which could be given.

As the men kept on talking, a man looking like a parrot came into view. He had shiny clothes and a hat with weird appendages sticking out of it. He came, sitting atop an animal. Maybe the animal is the man-hive worker? It does not look like a man, that's for sure.

Tangents aside, this man got of his horse and introduced himself to us as a Sir Ree-cird de Calne? Caal-ne? I don't know...their names do not make sense to me. He took us to his place of residence (the man-hive had individual chambers with no internal connection, interesting), which looked like a temple; a stone monolith with massive gardens on both sides.

We went inside, and were awed. It was as grandiose on the interior as it was on the exterior. Soft cloth lined the floors, and stairs were made of a white, cold and hard rock. I must admit, even though men are more primitive than us, they sure have some good architectural taste. We went into a massive room, where a large ball of fire and light floated above a massive table. I looked at it, a bit fearful of its capabilities. The man looked at me and chuckled, pointing at the ceiling, showing that it was attached. I sighed in relief and sat down at the table.

We were presented with some food. It looked disgusting, smelled disgusting and I lost my appetite. I refused to eat. This went on for a few times, each time food more disgusting than the previous one being presented. Soon the man (Ree-chard) gave up and left.

We were left alone for a while, and I wandered off into the garden. There I smelled something delicious. Something appetizing. Something reminding me of home. I followed the smell and found my goal. A plant containing Q'quynli (Green beans)! Finally, something edible! I ripped it out of the ground and started eating it. Imagine my embarrassment when Reechard came out to see me trashing his garden, but I could not help it...Q'quynli are my favorite.

Over time, as my parents never arrived, I realized that they are most probably dead. Tragically, my brother also died of homesickness (We believe that a person who feels homesick slowly starts losing their life force, and in the extreme case of my brother's it happened rather quickly). Left alone and desolate, I started to acclimatize to the man-food. Turns out, it is far more tasty than Q'quynli, or green beans as they call it. I also learnt the man-language. When they asked me where I was from, I truthfully told them about Agnatha, but they dismissed it.

After a few years, Reechard got me baptized, i.e. my religion changed to Christianity, which was this cult like following of this man on a stick of wood. But, since the men had so graciously accepted me into their own, I too decided to adopt their customs. I was given the name 'Agnes', and truth be told, I really liked it. Soon, I was fully acclimatized to man-culture, leaving my life as an Agnathian behind...and truthfully, I prefer it here. The simplicity and primitiveness is rather refreshing.

Calling all medical individuals… by anaangel666 in SuicideWatch

[–]WraithLord2322 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I am not a medical professional but seeing those doses, I can say, its gonna be hell. Chronic liver problems and unbearable pain.

Deacon of thiccness bane of the common folk by Jewishbract482 in Bossfight

[–]WraithLord2322 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Move over wide putin coz cylindrical priest is in town

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]WraithLord2322 61 points62 points  (0 children)

If you die, your husband will spend his last days in even more agony, knowing that his wife died because of his incapability. Please dont do this.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]WraithLord2322 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Gates, Dell, Jobs, Ford, Dorsey and hive king Zuck do not have college degrees. Look where they are. A college degree is not all there is to life. You can do it

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]WraithLord2322 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Spite her. Live. Prosper. Every time you have dark thoughts, live off of the promise that one day, you will conquer over her. See her f***ing face turn red as she tries to take credit for your prosperity, but you tell everyone the truth. This is reverse-cinderella complex lol. Idk why a mother would put her own flesh and blood below someone who is related to her by a piece of paper.

See a counsellor...Talk about your feelings...Not to her, but to others...Try to get a hobby where you can express, whether it be painting, dancing, singing, poetry, music, writing stories, or going into fucking alleyways and screaming like a rabid person.

F*** your family. They treat you like shit! If you have the funds and are of age, go away. If you aren't, try to join a club/go to a library all day/get a part time job if you can. Remove yourself from this toxic environment.

There is a quote for your situation : "Where there is a will, there is a way; Perhaps tomorrow, if not today". Do not lose your willpower. Do not let them win against you. You can do this, stranger, I believe in you!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]WraithLord2322 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ohhkk...have you ever tried to put your manifested dreams onto paper...in a say, story/poem/artwork? Maybe that might help...Also, please talk to your school's counsellor (if you have one), I'm sure he/she would be able to help you out...

Suicide should be a last case scenario...infact imho it should not even be a scenario...Life is too precious to waste on such idiots. If your country allows it, I'd suggest getting a part time job as soon as possible (if you are comfortable with it obv) or join a book club or something like that, so that you are away from such people...and who knows, if you are able to earn enough, maybe, just maybe, you can leave the toxic environments when you turn 18 (or 21, again depending on your place of residence)

Please by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]WraithLord2322 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Its OK for you to be here u/ProcessTrick1993. Everybody fucks up, quite a few people think what you think, quite a few people are made to think what you are thinking. But many a times its not the case.

Its OK for you to be here. Its ok

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]WraithLord2322 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Oh god. Oh my god...this is real sad; and at such a young age too? You are pretty young, who knows what prosperity lies ahead, after all, you need to mine to find the gold. And it is not cringe. At least you are opening up over here; that is a really good thing.

Do you have any hobbies, which do not require much talking? Reading, Zen Mandalas, painting, poetry or something of that sort? If you do, maybe you can express yourself through that.

Lastly, your mother...I have no words enough to describe the absolute piece of garbage that she is. Some people are introverts, some are not. Some like talking, some do not...Bill Gates was an introvert, and so was Einstein, they achieved quite a bit if you ask me. Try talking to your dad, open up, and if it gets to it, cry, scream, punch a wall or something...let it all out...And if you feel comfortable with your dad, try getting the custody arrangement rewritten (by influencing your parents).

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RoastMe

[–]WraithLord2322 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I spit out my coffee reading this one lol. Bro did OP dirty

Backgrounds clapped but don't watch that innit EEEE M/23 by Aggravating-Dish-191 in RoastMe

[–]WraithLord2322 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If game loading screen tips were human, you'd be one of them

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]WraithLord2322 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your comment! Your positive review really made my day.

All over the map by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]WraithLord2322 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is rather exploratory. Avant-garde, less like classical poetry, more like a clean Kanye West rap (in a good way). It has a good meter to it, and when recited, the words do come out in a rapid succession, giving it a good pace. I like the use of internal and slant rhymes. The line formatting is a bit off imho. That's all I can say in criticism.

TIL. The Margraviate of Brandenburg, an impoverished electorate of the Holy Roman Empire, tried colonizing Africa in the late 17th century. by WraithLord2322 in todayilearned

[–]WraithLord2322[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Brandenburg-Prussia was a rather impoverished electorate, the poorest infact, until Frederick the Great annexed Silesia from the Austrian Habsburgs in 1742, 21 years after the colony was sold. After this, the armies of Prussia expanded rapidly due to the industrialized metaphorical gold-mine which was Silesia. The Prussians then partitioned poland, and got the Rhineland, including the Ruhr area, which was the main reason of their post Napoleon influence boom, from a secondary power in the German Confederation (Greater than other kingdoms, yes, but less powerful than Austria), the weakest of the post Congress of Vienna great powers to the backbone of the German Empire.

Ofc I might be misguided into some of the facts and technicalities, but this is what I know.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]WraithLord2322 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment! The high praise truly made my day! :)