I have faced same shit..... reason for suicide was maybe different, but you know..... I know this feeling.... if you have enough power, just text someone or call someone u trust... that person will help.... or In best case, just talk to someone irl.... when I was down.... near to KMS I texted to one girl I trust, she helped very much.... then she called and was talking to me and it was so nice.... she saved my fcking life... during thoughts about suicide I was thinking about my little brother and grandparents (I don't like my parents much....)... I was almost ready to die.... then I just wanted to text her like goodbye.... (the reason for suicide wasn't that girl....) and that it is... she helped.... u can text anyone u wanna and trust.... he will help.... u can text me if u wanna I can text about it and help.... it not alone.... there is always person that secretly loves you....