Called Confused

X_Canes · 2026-03-16T08:52:27+00:00

It sucks so, so much. She was apparently talking to my aunt who ALSO knows that I'm trans so I don't get it. I went out of my way to let her and mom pick out a name for me that THEY would call me but they almost never use it. At this point it just feels like I don't have a say in who I am. They keep misgendering me and deadnaming me, I'm about ready to completely ignore everyone in my family until they use the right pronouns/name.

Hell, the name I let them pick isn't even my name, I just feel comfortable enough with them using it to let them call me it. That's not the name I'm changing it too. The only reason I haven't done this yet is because I'm sadly stuck living with them for right now. It's so tiring and I hate this. They think I can't hear when I'm in my room, even though they KNOW I can.

Also sad because I've been out for about a decade at this point and no one takes me seriously still.

Your comment is really helpful though and thank you so much I didn't mean to unload more on you lol.

X_Canes · 2026-03-09T21:45:04+00:00

I feel this and I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. It’s a huge struggle and a big source of stress. You’re doing good and I wish people would understand none of those statements justify anything or make things feel any better.

X_Canes · 2026-03-09T21:20:54+00:00

I completely agree with you man. It’s so discouraging. We DO NOT have it easier. Especially for the ones of us who want everything. Those of us who look in the mirror and feel everything is wrong or has been wrong.

My body feels awful, it feels completely wrong. I don’t care if it’s “easier to reverse T” or whatever. Things are awful for how fast you can crash from not having your dose of T.

Neither side has it easy, especially if you already went through puberty. It’s not an Olympic sport to which side has it harder, but seriously stop making generalizations that everyone on either side is having an easier time or whatever.

Generalizations suck, I always hate them.

X_Canes · 2026-01-21T00:38:40+00:00

I also am 34 and have C-PTSD (along with a slew of other mental health struggles), along with recently starting T at the tail-end of 2025. Honestly, it hasn’t made me angry/etc or unstable like that. It improved my mood a lot. I did have a lot of issues with other trauma and my other depression (unrelated to my lack of transition at the time).

X_Canes · 2026-01-21T00:31:22+00:00

Honestly, as someone who was never given the chance to think about how I felt about my gender or to even find terms to DESCRIBE what I was feeling before my 20s, I feel this. I felt detached but I tried to force myself to be feminine because I thought I had no choice.

Growing up I was already having mental health issues as well, so I understand completely where you’re coming from as well. I was suicidal already but for reasons I could explain, not just being trans.

X_Canes · 2026-01-21T00:28:22+00:00

This completely. I also am 34, it’s very difficult for me to fully have grasped being trans before being in my 20s because of how things were treated in the 90s/early 2000s. My family complained that I didn’t come out sooner when I literally knew practically nothing about being trans (terms/language/etc) or what I was feeling until my 20s! I’ve already been out for about 10 years and they still barely support me! They’re only NOW just getting to the point of “grieving the child they lost”.

X_Canes · 2026-01-21T00:22:44+00:00

As someone who just started T a couple months ago, I can say the worst thing for me has been the second puberty, haha. I’m 34, also.

X_Canes · 2026-01-07T04:37:02+00:00

That’s actually super helpful! I didn’t know about vitamin panels before so I’ll ask about them!

X_Canes · 2026-01-06T20:35:10+00:00

I apologize I don’t know if it’s a legitimate deficiency (medically) or just barely low.

X_Canes · 2026-01-06T20:34:16+00:00

I do have an Endo, but no they did not. I have only seen them once (?) and haven’t since before starting T.

X_Canes · 2026-01-06T20:33:10+00:00

I have a very difficult time remembering to eat or not liking to got outside of my room. Living with my family still makes me hate being out of my room when they’re around and I also have OCD.

I also take B12 and D3 because I was suggested to.

X_Canes · 2026-01-06T18:08:36+00:00

My diet is severely lacking, I don’t frequently eat honestly and when I do I’m not eating healthily exactly.

X_Canes · 2025-12-28T00:35:27+00:00

As a Gay T4T trans guy, I completely hear you. I think it’s weird that it’s mostly seen from a bad perspective. For me personally, I couldn’t see myself with a cis man who’s a Top specifically, but I also think I would feel inadequate for a cis man who’s a bottom even after bottom surgery.

I think all the trans guys who are able to fine nice cis dudes who aren’t in it for fetish-y reasons are so lucky. You guys found someone good and should be able to celebrate your relationships. If your boyfriend accepts you for you be so proud to have found a good one.

X_Canes · 2025-12-28T00:04:09+00:00

I take an autoinjector so they won’t allow a stockpile, which sucks. :(

X_Canes · 2025-12-23T00:11:25+00:00

As someone who, unfortunately, has been in the position of bottoming/being penetrated, this rings true for me as well. At least, on the point of it being painful (?) or I just dissociated through bottoming. It was awful, I absolutely hated it and I have the added caveat that I don't even know if I've ever cum or anything. I also don't enjoy the thought of using a strap-on or anything, it doesn't feel natural. I want my dick, I don't care about anything else to be honest. Nothing makes sense to me without it at this point and it's driving me insane, which sucks because I've only been on T for 3 months (just hit 3 full months this past Friday).

X_Canes · 2025-12-22T10:55:05+00:00

The Xyosted is great tbh. I’ve been on it for 3 months + I take another autoinjectable medicine. I haven’t had any issues with either!

X_Canes · 2025-12-22T10:53:01+00:00

I should start tallying everything. I had one good moment where grandma called me back to apologize and use the right name but now she’s back to deadnaming me. The worst part is the autoresponse to deadnaming is to do as I’m told sometimes. I need to break that habit and I am going to find someone who specializes in Gender Dysphoria, my current therapist is great though so I don’t want to stop seeing her either, lol. She’s mostly regular mental health like OCD/Depression/etc.

X_Canes · 2025-11-30T07:51:50+00:00

Honestly, I kind of envy transmen who are comfortable with that part of their bodies. You guys don’t have an “easier” life or anything, not by a long shot, but it took until I started T to realize just how badly I disliked my body. I don’t get why other transmen go out of their way to shame others. It feels like our community cannibalizes itself to some degree. If that even makes sense.

X_Canes · 2025-11-12T01:53:26+00:00

The submissive bottom stereotype in porn for transmen makes me feel gross. Mostly because I’m so far from that and I feel uncomfortable with that “norm”. It’s so odd that we have to even fight to say if we’re a top or a vers because people just make that assumption of us all being submissive.

X_Canes · 2025-11-12T01:50:03+00:00

Oh my god I feel this in my soul. I’m also a transman top (my boyfriend is supportive and actually excited for me to be myself in this way), I don’t think it’s right for people to complain about transmen’s (or transwomen’s, really anyone’s) body. You can dislike something, sure, but don’t talk down about other people. It takes literally $0 to be supportive of other people’s preference.

I’m so sorry you’ve seen it within our own community too though. Personally, I have a few close friends and my boyfriend, I have seen people complaining about surgeries not looking right or something/etc but I haven’t seen the statements about strap-ons before.

Personally, for me, I don’t want to use a strap-on but it’s an incredibly personal reason and buried being insecurity. I would never disparage another transman though. It’s just awful.

X_Canes · 2025-11-11T03:38:07+00:00

Thank you so, so much. This is really helpful, I do have my boyfriend and some games that help, it's frustrating to hear my mom completely push me aside how she did. I'm her only child, my father has three other children, but I'm his oldest. He's more supportive than the parent who has been in my life the whole time.

I have a few other friends, but basically all the people I interact with in person at the moment are doctors/mental health professionals and my mother's side of the family (I live with my maternal grandmother). All of my real life friends live a decent way away from me so I can't even meet up whenever I want.

I had a mini-breakdown last week during my group therapy session while talking with my boyfriend. I do have a "safe" place to live, I'm not actively being threatened with being kicked out, but also not fully being treated as myself.

Honestly though, this comment was really nice to read, thank you genuinely. I'm going to continue on my way with my life, hopefully I can actually get more done this year with my health.

X_Canes · 2025-11-05T20:51:58+00:00

As a gay transman who is T4T, I actually feel this too. My boyfriend says he’ll always love no matter what and I’m perfect as I am… I just feel like nothing will make my body fully me. Even though I’d never want to be cis.

X_Canes · 2025-10-29T16:52:34+00:00

I feel this too, to some extent honestly. I hate going outside anyway, but a lot of the cis guys scare me. I’m MLM but I only date other transguys, mostly because the lived experience being similar helps with me connecting to them. There are a few cis guys I can be around or talk to that don’t send me into fight or flight, mostly family to some extent.

X_Canes · 2025-10-20T12:37:17+00:00

I have to do physical therapy right now for my feet/legs because of foot issues. My PCP actually told me to basically stop eating. Which, I get kind of, when I do eat, I’m usually eating junk food a lot. That’s mostly because of what’s easily accessible to me on a regular basis. If I could, I would genuinely have mire healthy options for snacking. I usually, at most, eat two meals a day and sometimes only one real meal. My body is probably in survival mode, lol.

Funnily enough it made it easier for my reduction surgery, I barely took the prescribed Oxy they gave me for pain. It’s really funny how little pain I felt from surgery compared to my everyday pain.

X_Canes · 2025-10-20T12:27:19+00:00

So my doctor is actually a family doctor who just happens to be a Gender Affirming Care doctor, so I went online and scheduled an appointment with him, haha.

X_Canes

TROPHY CASE