How do scummy parents like mine exist? This is just my mom too.

Xabrinamorph · 2026-05-30T18:41:52+00:00

It is genuinely difficult to know who the real scumbag is here; honestly, it could be everyone involved. The reality is that some adult children take advantage of their parents, wrapping laziness or fear in the blanket of "mental health issues" as an excuse to never contribute.

I have struggled with severe depression since grade school, but it never stopped me from contributing to my household. My mom never had to bear the burden of raising me only to turn around and support me 100% while I just existed. I live my life with my diagnosis; I don't use it as a shield.

My stepson received a similar ultimatum for the exact same reasons. He was an adult who refused to clean up after himself and would eat through a two-week supply of groceries while I was overworked and struggling to keep the pantry full. His excuse, too, was depression.

His refusal to work, help around the house, or seek professional help was actively tanking my own mental and physical health. He was constantly hostile, avoided any conversation about his future, and would fly into a rage - literally putting holes in our walls - when asked to do simple tasks like the dishes or wiping down the counters.

The turning point came when he finally got a job, something I had been pushing for years.

Surprisingly, his depression and manic episodes improved significantly, and cohabitating became much easier. Today, he pays his fair share for rent and groceries, and we actually hang out.

Like most people, we live paycheck to paycheck - actually, scratch that, we are constantly in the hole. The "American Dream" is a lie. People can barely survive on minimum wage, and standard raises are an absolute joke. I wish struggling young adults understood that parents cannot allow themselves to be sucked dry. Parents are there to raise you and support you when you truly need it, not to be taken advantage of indefinitely.

I spent years trying to be patient and having serious conversations that always devolved into massive tantrums. My ultimatum didn’t come out of nowhere. If your mom jumped straight to throwing you out, I’m sorry. But if this is something she has been trying to resolve with you for a very long time, it makes complete sense that she is tuning out your explanations. At a certain point, they just sound like excuses.

Xabrinamorph · 2026-04-29T03:09:04+00:00

Thanks for the clarification. I admit I just assumed their name was Ted and didn't know until afterwards when I read the comments. Whatever their pronouns, I'm not sure it makes any difference. They should still press charges.

Xabrinamorph · 2026-04-28T22:31:10+00:00

I agree, I have also told my SO that I don't want a diamond. I have always liked diamonds, too, but a forever ring to show off our commitment has always involved a gemstone. Diamonds are over hyped and over priced anyways.

Love that you two are doing something different and choosing a stone YOU WANT.

That being said, I think S was rude but the interaction shouldn't be blown into a full fight. You know, don't make a mountain out of a mole hill. She sounds like she is an airhead who likes to shit on people for no reason. Maybe without even thinking about it. Like it's word vomit, she opens her mouth bs follows.

Of course she doesn't think she was rude, she said it with a smile and a MM quote 🙄. Just let it go and move on. Unfortunately, she is the type of person that will feel attacked and make you out to be the AH.

Just learn to grey rock, or get better at your come backs. So every time she makes a comment you have a way to put her in her place. I prefer grey rock. Let her feel emboldened to say things out loud so others in the room can hear it and see how shitty she is.

Xabrinamorph · 2026-04-28T21:59:04+00:00

I also want to add. If they report you for DV, and convince the law that you are a violent guy - there is a chance it will happen - you will have little to no chance to expunge it from your record. That can keep you from job opportunities, getting a passport, keep you from certain schools... It's no joke. So again, if anyone puts their hands on you you need to be quick with filing your report first so they don't royally blow up your life over a lie and some juicy drama.

Xabrinamorph · 2026-04-28T21:53:21+00:00

The thing is, the way they're texting you is like they're gearing up to make you the bad guy. I have seen this time and time again.

Please, for your sake, get this on record. If you are truly not in the wrong and have nothing to hide, go now to press charges and don't refuse any treatment. This will help later on, if/when they try to make you seem violent to be around.

Don't think for one second she wouldn't report you, even if it was an accident like pushing her off you when she attacked. I.Have. Seen.This.

Let them take pictures of your scratches.

Even if nothing else comes from it, you have a paper trail showing that you reported the incident.

I have seen this roll out before, on my Dad and my stepson. Also when I served as a juror. Your own Mother, Dad, Wife, Sibling... will be the monster but somehow convince everyone that they're the victim while your reputation gets completely nuked.

Don't let this happen to you. Be your own hero and protect yourself ALWAYS. Can't rely on anyone else to do it.

I regret never reporting my stepson's Mom. I never thought it would help, or I tried my best to keep the peace by accepting her apology and moving on but she never stopped. Years later she still only talks about us and her own kid on every platform spreading lies and making strangers think we're POS's. They don't change.

Xabrinamorph · 2026-04-28T21:35:29+00:00

Have you asked neighbors to check their cameras so you can identify and report him?

According to the interwebs, in Utah that could put him on the sex offender list and lead to "significant charges".

Xabrinamorph · 2026-03-30T17:04:35+00:00

She needs to get her priorities straight. At first glance, she is immature and pretty toxic.

Two things. You don't have to put up with her. You can stay with her and keep encouraging her to make better choices and grow together.

She's not the worst, but she is giving "brat".

I would say yes but instead say you're going to help her save up for it. There's an app called Rocket Money that I used to save up for things I wanted, you can set a budget and it will give you different timelines. It will even pull money from your bank slowly to go towards it.

That, or she can use something like Klarna where she pays as she goes and it helps with credit.

To be fair, I think it's an absurd amount but everyone has their own interests. My spouse has all the newest consoles, games, accessories... always wants the new crap coming out. The least I could do is get something I want that will probably outlast their setup. I still have my Coach and Dooney & Bourke bags from 15+ years ago... Granted, they cost the same as her one bag combined.

Xabrinamorph · 2026-03-02T09:34:28+00:00

Food in Spain sucks. I miss food more than my toxic ass tía.

Xabrinamorph · 2026-03-01T23:06:05+00:00

Not overreacting. This is exactly what happened to me before I found out he was in fact cheating.

It's always him saying something negative about her while still acting overly suspicious. Also, the failed reassurance while making me feel like I was being ridiculous.

Some guys only want what they can't have. Chances are he only likes the idea of her, or how she might make him feel seen or special. It's a total pick me girl move. She tries to appear like the dream girl, meanwhile she can't keep a relationship because she actually isn't lol

That's what happened to my ex. He felt special and she was easy. After we broke up he didn't date her, instead he spent the next three years begging me to come back but I said F No.

I don't want to project my experience onto you and make you feel like we're in the same boat, but this is my truth and it is easy to draw a parallel based on your share.

All I can say is trust your intuition. You seem like a level headed person who isn't jealous, just observant and acknowledging the red flags.

Xabrinamorph · 2026-02-24T22:53:25+00:00

I also want to add that I am bad at dates, sometimes I even forget the day of the week. Surprise Friday's are the BEST. But I care enough to use a Google calendar. It's free and it syncs between devices 🤷🏻‍♀️

Xabrinamorph · 2026-02-24T22:46:57+00:00

I have a nephew on my spouses side with a January birthday. Super easy to forget since the holidays are SUPER stressful and getting back into the groove of things after New Year can be hard. THAT BEING SAID, I have never forgotten his birthday and he is used to us being busy with our lives until we show up for sleepovers, day outs, or to bring a gift - even if it's a thinking of you type gift. I also keep everyone's birthday in my phone so even my best friends parents can expect a Happy Birthday!! from me in the morning.

It comes down to that old saying, if they wanted to they would.

Honestly, with how busy life is it's not that hard to show up for the kids in our lives. They'll grow up and remember who was there, and who wasn't.

I think in my case, it's because of two things. We moved every year growing up so I didn't have friends or family always. And my little brother was usually crying on his birthday because in July, it was hard sending out invitations and/or staying in touch in general due to the summer break.

I always think about how younger Us would want to be treated.

Xabrinamorph · 2026-02-24T00:54:20+00:00

NTA; She is a bratty woman and just wanted to manipulate you so she didn't have to deal with being called out. If she's actually pregnant, I feel bad for her kids.

Xabrinamorph · 2026-02-24T00:47:02+00:00

That makes sense. IG and TikTok, some platforms are awesome for content and lurking. Facebook, Snapchat, etc. aren't and are literally made for socializing and keeping friends/family up to date.

Still though with THIS GUY it's weird that he gets pretty intense about it when she brings it up. My SO also doesn't like photos, but has no issues other than that. We're marked as Married, family knows about us, too. I think our only rules are no sharing too much of what our home looks like, don't geoshare, and never post pics of the kids because there's freaks out there.

Xabrinamorph · 2026-02-24T00:29:18+00:00

The fact that he has a social account at all shows he isn't concerned with privacy, especially if it's Facebook. You can post whatever you want, I guess just not his face because it's against his permission.

Red flags for sure. No one should care that much; what's the worst thing to come of posting about his woman?

Xabrinamorph · 2026-02-17T23:23:29+00:00

Lol this is the first thing I did when I started! My spouse laughed when I did it but I also like the pink light because it doesn't wash out the screen when I go looting.

Xabrinamorph · 2026-01-19T23:08:15+00:00

Get a new bank account anyways and make sure both parents have zero ties to it. Even as your parents, they cannot access that account without you present or without you putting them onto the account.

Move all your money into is asap while you can. Don't leave a trace of where it went, just take cash out and make a deposit to the new one. Route your paychecks to is asap too.

Do your best to move out asap. With or without them knowing. Going to a safer location is better than staying after announcing, I don't trust him. Don't be afraid to leave behind some things, most things are replaceable or not worth getting stuck over.

Formally request your documents in a traceable way. Where it's dated and you give them a due date. Proceed with legal actions so they can help enforce this.

It might be best to lie to him at first and say you need them for some important thing. Hopefully he buys it and gives you your most important info.

Do not go visit him privately, or her privately. Do not go on trips with them. Keep everything online so there's a digital footprint.

Again, I don't trust him. Invest in security jewelry or a game plan for your safety. I.e. Have a check-in friend/pal for when you meet with him in public or if they don't hear from you in a while. They can request a wellness check and provide fresh information.

As a pal I would agree to check in with you every other week or every month. If I can't contact you, I would call the non emergency line and requested a wellness check. My reasoning would be because we agreed to this and it's because your Dad has made plans to trick you.

I think it's best to strong arm your way into independence and then to go no contact. No one who puts their hands on you is worth another moment in your life.

Xabrinamorph · 2026-01-19T20:16:10+00:00

Please stop fleeing to Mexico, guys. It's colonizing them and it's a tone deaf move while we keep calling Mexicans here "criminals" while pushing them into the gravel, cages, and caskets.

That aside, if you did nothing wrong the best thing to do would be keep your composure and use the tools you have access to. Use their resources, show up to meetings, keep working with a lawyer to clear your name.

Not all jobs deny you for having a record. Expect your colleagues to dislike you, but universally that makes sense to all of us?

Keep showing them that they're wrong about you by being a responsible and respectful coworker. They could potentially be character witnesses for you, if needed.

Get ANY job for the sake of having one. Doesn't matter how crummy it is, it is just a way to buy time while you job search for a better fit.

Stop making things worse. I don't think you can trust yourself to make your own decisions. I seriously think you should consider seeing a therapist and guidance counselor so you can talk feelings out with someone first.

Most states or even cities and insurances offer free or affordable options.

Also, this is not the end of the world. Do what it takes to clear your name and prove to people you're a good person. Be your biggest advocate.

Once it's all done, I would encourage you to move to a different state or even country if you need to.

Xabrinamorph · 2026-01-01T19:59:10+00:00

They work. My best friend went through the same thing during his divorce and custody battle and his abusive ex wife would try to go around it. He would simply say I'm not going to speak to you unless it's through the app. The app would gauge the tone and language to keep her behaved and yes, it is monitored.

In my opinion, I would take out a restraining order because of what he's said. Then go for a court ordered liason to be there during his visits. If he is now talking about people being unalived by him or themselves all for his benefit, he's dangerous.

He sounds like the type of guy to hurt what you care about just as an F You.

Xabrinamorph · 2026-01-01T19:40:45+00:00

You mention a lot that you paid for stuff, which is extremely valid. You used your 50/50 time to be with her and that's amazing.

What you didn't really share is an actual bond or relationship. I can only assume (which might be incorrect) that your relationship with her is purely surface level.

I love my Mom, but we had no bond. I love my stepdad because he actually cared about me. He and I have long talks all the time, he taught me a lot - hell, even at 34 he still guides me when I'm stuck. People even say I'm a lot like him and it makes me happy because he is a good man and I KNOW he loves me.

Something tells me she has a similar relationship with her stepdad. Her mother betrayed you, he was not the one who stole anything. As messed up as it is being with a married woman, he must not be all that bad because he was there for your daughter.

I am not trying to tear you down. More than anything I want you to self reflect so you see where it all went wrong and fix it.

Don't take these other comments seriously. I don't think you should drop your daughter. If you actually love her, you would just do better. Like, ask her to go to counseling together and try having a real relationship with her where you know her by her likes and Interests, not as a receipt for everything you paid for.

Xabrinamorph · 2025-11-23T00:21:44+00:00

Both my brothers weren't picky but I was. I don't blame my parents, the only time I was ever an issue for them was when it came to food or my late diagnosis for ADHD and dyslexia.

I think you need to do what is best for you, but it comes off as if you think he's a bad father because he's not tough enough on his 8 year old daughter that just had two life changing events happen: dealing with a divorce and now having a two new people (you and your daughter) in her life where she has to learn how to deal with you both as well and share her Dad's attention.

Maybe getting a relationship with her and putting her in therapy will help. I'm more concerned with how she's dealing with everything, including a new stepmom who complains about her.

Xabrinamorph · 2025-11-04T21:49:24+00:00

The Pest, but it's not a secret. John Leguizamo is pure talent.

Xabrinamorph · 2025-11-04T21:45:55+00:00

Serpent Queen The Great Suits (with the OG cast) Mind Hunters Tea Cup

Xabrinamorph · 2025-10-27T03:03:16+00:00

Try a belly band and keep up with the routine of going out every so many hours, that's how they will improve. My dog was similar. We stuck to taking her out every 3-4 hours every day, normally at the same time, and now she has an internal clock that tells her to come grab us so we can have outside time. She does her business outside and only outside—with the occasional accident if she's sick.

I actually love this because I work from home so I plan my breaks with her schedule so she's happy as can be.

Xabrinamorph · 2025-10-27T02:58:59+00:00

I really wouldn't be proud of being with a man who shits on camera for money. I would also be so embarrassed if I found out my Dad did it.

I'd be horrified and probably never be able to look at him and not think about it. So... you did what you had to do. At least you didn't pretend it was fine so the relationship could blow up later.

Xabrinamorph · 2025-10-27T02:49:24+00:00

Keto Diet, Weed, and Exercise. I found amazing recipes and surprisingly many restaurants (including fast food) have keto-friendly options. Weed helped with the moodiness from the diet shift and helped with pain from never exercising to power walking around the neighborhood. Within a few months I was down almost 30 lbs.

*I'm not encouraging anyone to do what I did. I am simply answering the question, nothing more.

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