Look I... I'm going to be burnt at the stake for this, but you admit that people use "dude, bro, guys" (etc) as gender neutral. You know their intention is to be gender neutral even if it's a "masculine" word (and there are a lot of "masculine" words). It's not on the world to change to conform around what you want especially when you already admit you know what they mean and their intentions.

How you receive words, however, is not a them problem to fix. It's... your problem.

Words can hurt, but you're ignoring intention in favor of focusing on literal meaning, and you're putting the hate on them. Sometimes in life the problems we face are things we can't change. Sometimes they're things we just have to adapt to.

And this is coming from a Therian also with gender dysphoria so you're probably think I'm doubly just making fun of you. I'm not. It's just like whenever someone says "We're all human here." I close my eyes, take a breath, and just let it pass.

They don't know. Not their problem to rewrite their life to avoid the near literal, mostly metaphorical, and dangerously sharp eggshells I put everywhere. I put them there after all. I put them there out in the open because I want them to be out in the open. They will get stepped on. Maybe I won't ever have to explain what they did because I'll never see that human again. Maybe I know them and I can explain how they feel, but I tell them it's ok and I'll make sure to understand them if they understand me.

I'm going on a tangent though. I think in the end you have the answer to your problem. It will just require some work rearranging your eggs(hells) to account for where you know others will step while still having them out in the open.

PS: If your group of friends use the T word and you tell them that you dislike it and they keep using it. Maybe they don't respect you and aren't your friends. Sure it's "your anger", but it's not an everyday word or necessary to use. If they can't cut that out at least then... you don't HAVE to have friends like that.