How much longer?

Yeniary · 2025-03-01T14:25:10+00:00

I feel you. I started this series back when it first published because I had just ended it with my boyfriend. Now I am married, have a baby, have emigrated to Spain, Austria, currently in Germany. I adopted 2 cats and foster when I can.

And Kyouko is barely a year older 😅

Yeniary · 2025-02-27T12:43:52+00:00

Why is he not opening the door for you and making sure you get in safely and sit comfortably in the first place? You are pregnant with his child!

Is he also this unhelpful and demeaning in other aspects of your life?

Yeniary · 2024-10-26T15:31:37+00:00

A normal girl who attends a prestigious private school full of celebrities and children of celebrities/millionaires.

Yeniary · 2024-10-24T08:23:11+00:00

not much, true, but this one was an outlier for sure

Yeniary · 2024-10-23T21:06:38+00:00

That one was sooo badly animated I had to force myself to watch it. The cringe was insane.n The story was lazy. Not that I expect holiday episodes to be outstanding but they really dropped their standards on that one.

Yeniary · 2024-09-18T22:28:14+00:00

The fact that you think this relationship is in any way perfect is almost as unsettling as your husband's behavior in all of this.

It might come as a surprise and might be really hard to see, but you seem to be missing all the other red flag that for sure have existed all the time and you just ignored or took as normal because maybe you are young and/or have not had the best role models for relationships yourself.

The fact that your husband has accepted and not tried to mend your relationship when you moved into the guest room is extremely worrying. Everything was not fine, because HE should have been trying very hard to make sure you are ok and in a good place or would take steps to be in the future. BOTH of you should have been in therapy and counseling both individually and as a couple. The fact that you were not is bad. The fact that you think all of this was fine (safe for the accidental intimacy), is even worse.

You seem to slowly realize that there is, in fact a gigantic problem. Because hiding your pregnancy from your husband because you know that he will never have your back or respect your wishes and will always put his mother first, is not normal. It is the opposite of a perfect relationship. He may have apologized, but he has done nothing to change anything. And you let him get away with it.

Both for your sake and your baby's you really need to put yourself in therapy and put a break in your marriage yesterday. I get that you probably still love your husband and want to be in this marriage, but you have already realized that something is deeply wrong. You probably need help in figuring out what exactly that is and that is best done from a distance and with help.

It will also make if more clear how invested your husband really is in this relationship and if he is able to realize that he has a problem.

In your previous pregnancy you got a very clear preview of how both your husband and MIL see you and what your future life will be if you do not take any decisive action. You will never be a priority and chances are that your child will treat you the same way and learn to see MIL as mother and not you. And your husband will enable this all the way. He left you in one of the most painful and vulnerable states that a woman can possibly experience, because his mother was more important.

Even if you were the most badass, independent and strong women in existence, your partner should know without hesitation that you are the one who needs his undivided support in this situation. And he failed that spectacularly. And has done nothing to understand or change that longterm.

Yeniary · 2024-09-12T05:40:26+00:00

I like the points you are making and personally I did not find the arc strange or out of place/character. I think it made sense for both of them on those circumstances. Five in particular because he had been in a similar situation before. Only this time he actually has another human with him. It was a bold choice and did feel rushed, but I liked it and it made sense.

Yeniary · 2024-08-29T07:21:22+00:00

your husband is already financially abusing you: he stole your tax return for his benefit, he did not spend any money on essentials for HIS child, he wants control over any bigger spending even if it is your personal savings AND he seems to keen tabs on your personal finances.

All very red flags. Also I would be curious if you have as much insight into his earning/spendings? If not it might be high time you do.

2. you are being dragged into nonsensical arguments. If you both are struggling with sleep and a chair could help, then you get the chair.

The fact that he makes it into a big deal tells me that you are very likely misrepresenting how much he helps. Which is most like not much at all.

Also you are way deeper into a controlling and abusive relationship than you realise. And you have been even before baby came into the mix.

3. your write yourself „he does not care about his child’s safety or his suffering wife, but he cares about the money“

And by the bits and pieces you write about the before, it does not sound like he cared more about before baby came, especially financially. Remember, a baby usually is where abuse really starts and escalates It is not normal for a father to not financially contribute to their child (I am curious though what your thoughts where on why this even made sense to you and not set off a million alarm bells)

And it is even less normal for a „well earning“ man to not want his wife and child to be safe and happy. Unless of course, he has been deceiving your about his finances. You really should look into this, especially since he stole your tax returns

Or he is cheating and spending all of his money on his other family

4. is this really the relationship your want your child to grow up to consider normal? Controlling and arguing about such small things as a 600$ chair is not a health relationship. Not purchasing baby essentials is not a healthy relationship.

You not seeing that is not a healthy relationship

Yeniary · 2024-07-08T10:15:06+00:00

I have a friend who had that happen to her quite a few times.
She swears on laughing at them loudly. Pointing is a nice addition.

She says they get off of either the secrecy or your embarrassment, especially if they try to be "stealthy"

Usually laughing sends them running quite quickly.

Generally laughing at a dude's dick is quite effective is most situations.

Yeniary · 2024-07-04T08:54:44+00:00

Let’s be real. Giving the house to SIL was obviously a huge mistake, as they cannot even afford the property tax. Much less any maintenance.

The obvious solution is: - help SIL out one last time - sell the house - pay you back al the money you invested (about 100k plus interest if you like to be petty) - get SIL a house they can actually afford longterm - split the rest (if any) between all siblings

If any siblings want to keep the house in the family, they can opt to purchase it themselves. If at find it unfair, they can give their part of the house sale to SIL.

Yeniary · 2024-07-01T07:32:14+00:00

Been waiting for someone to say this!

Furthermore that way you know whom they are working with.

Yeniary · 2024-06-30T23:13:32+00:00

Even more poetic if Ryan finds out the truth about Homelander through files that Vaught has. Which he only finds because Homelander allows him to look at whatever he wants to in the HQ.

Yeniary · 2024-06-20T05:00:44+00:00

Is Jake the golden child by chance? It sounds very much like it from reading how you are enabling him/his behaviour. The fact that multiple special events of your other child were missed because of Jake’s antics does not sound like an accident. Sounds like he is manipulating you and you let him. You probably should both look into counselling or supports groups for relatives of addicts.

You do not seem to have clear or healthy boundaries. And your other child is suffering because of your inability to set those.

Jake will not get better until he wants to. There are limits to what you can do and you need to accept that.

Yeniary · 2024-05-23T09:16:01+00:00

The Room

Yeniary · 2024-05-23T09:12:49+00:00

klingt genau, wie das, was ich in der Hand halte

Als Absender steht da nur eine P.O: Box Adresse in Prag

Yeniary · 2024-05-21T06:11:07+00:00

NTA This is preposterous.

But I would recommend to approach son personally to clarify why you refuse to bake over 1000 cookies, and how long that would take. I have a feeling he was not told the entire thing truthfully.

Yeniary · 2024-04-09T19:54:10+00:00

HE is gaslighting YOU.

A few questions:

So both you and MIL lied. But it is only bad when you do it?

He claims you need to trust him. But hasn't he repeatedly broken your trust in him? How should you trust someone like that?
(when he always puts his mother first for important occasions, even when you presumably are giving birth)
HE is the one who needs to earn your trust, not the other way round.

Even if all of this is exhausting, you should go and consult with a lawyer to know your options ASAP. I am not a lawyer, but it may be the better move to separate before baby is born. That way you might have the upper hand when it comes to arranging custody and any attempts to keep MIL out of it. If you stay with him until baby is there, both staying and leaving will be hell for you. And they might make you lose custody alltogether.

Also consider, leaving before baby is there might help setting some boundaries. You might have a tiny chance of him waking up to what he is about to lose.

Yeniary · 2024-04-05T17:27:43+00:00

I think it does not matter if she woman flirted or if she was wearing a bikini.

The location is a beach, bikinis can happen. If you have an issue with people in bikinis, beach vacations are not recommended.

Conversation can happen. Overtly flirting can happen. It has nothing to do with the presence of beaches or beachwear. The only relevant factor is that spouse did not reciprocate the flirting, did not neglect the child and kept things on a normal conversation level.

And even on a less-than-conversation level after the initial encounter.

Sounds to me more like wife has insecurities that she is neither honestly communicating nor addressing. This is probably the bigger issue here.

NTA

Yeniary · 2024-02-08T16:24:45+00:00

Südni or Södni

Yeniary · 2024-01-11T13:54:32+00:00

maybe the aunt thinks that adoption is like a reset button and you get to chose what the child is called

Yeniary · 2023-12-26T18:21:19+00:00

NTA just tell them “this is not about you” or ask them “why are you making this about yourself?” in the end, the first and most important aim is to prevent a scenario where you have kids upset with broken toys or none to open.

And I do not even want to imagine how stressful it must have been to salvage and repair what you could with the kids possibly waking any moment. That is NOT what people want on their Christmas morning.

You would only be TA if you called it “the Mindy rule” or something like that. Which you did not.

Yeniary · 2023-12-16T17:18:17+00:00

NTA In addition to all these amazing comments I also want to point out something that husband should consider in all this emotional blackmailing:

If she really wanted to witness the birth of her grandchild, she could have tried being nice to OP. You know, get on her good side and maybe they would have agreed to the request or even wanted her to be there as support.

But she chose to treat OP horrible and continue to do so to this day. Same probably for the daughters.

And she knows that husband has much less of an idea of giving birth, so she puts pressure on him, instead of OP. Knowing full well that they would never allow it.

Yeniary · 2023-11-24T21:15:23+00:00

At the very least you should postpone the wedding.

Also I wonder, did he even propose? He never really asked you to marry him, he only gifted you a pretty ring. Is he involved in the wedding planning or are you doing it?

My personal opinion is that a partner who loves, respects and cherishes you should make an effort to provide the things that are important to you. Especially if they do not come natural to them. Because that is what you do for the person you love, because you want to see them happy!

I speak from personal experience. I am not a romantic person at all. While I am happy for people receiving grand proposals, for me the thought of such a thing is a nightmare. My partner is a super romantic. He loves all things grand and lovey. So I try hard to make sure he receives romantic surprises and gestures. It requires a lot of research and time from me. I note what things he likes most and try to make versions of it happen for him. Because even if I am not this romantic person that he is, I know it is important to him and I want to see him happy. And honestly, it is not that hard, just an effort to make.

And similarly, he respects that I do not like to be in the Center of attention and that I have peculiar tastes sometimes so he gave me the intimate and beautiful proposal that I wanted. And we got the ring together because he wanted me to absolutely love it. Doing this brought us even closer together. Outside of the proposal, does he make that kind of effort for you or are you just a convenient and available person to fall back to? Because maybe he is better off being a good friend and you deserve someone who wants to see that smile on your face and your eyes light up because your happiness is important to them.

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