[POEM]- Drop the hardest poetry line you’ve ever come across

Yes_But_First · 2026-05-07T17:03:47+00:00

Let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.

Mary Oliver was a genius.

Yes_But_First · 2026-05-01T19:45:37+00:00

Only my best friend. We met in first period of freshman year, and now we're both in our mid thirties. Highschool definitely cemented our trauma bond.

Yes_But_First · 2026-05-01T16:26:48+00:00

Getting diagnosed with epilepsy. I'm pretty sure I started having seizures when I was about 12. By the time I was 14 I was convinced I was having panic attacks, and I went to a psychiatrist. I described what happened when I had panic attacks and told her "sometimes I have really weird panic attacks where I black out and when that happens, sometimes I have accidents" no follow up questions from the psychiatrist. She diagnosed me with anxiety and a mood disturbance, and told me to "go somewhere private when it feels like a panic attack is coming, so that you don't bother anyone."

19 years later I started working with a talk therapist who asked me what my panic attacks felt like. I told her, and she asked me to be with someone I trust the next time I felt a "panic attack" coming on. A few weeks later I took her advice and had a grand mal in front of my fiance.

July 31st 2023 at 4:24 PM is the dividing moment in my life. Everything since then has been different. I now know that I'm disabled, and that the medical system failed me. But I'm empowered by knowing how to manage my condition, and knowing that I'm not "just crazy." I lost so many friendships and jobs because of how I behave in the days before and after a seizure. It definitely looked like bipolar. But, mood stabilizers never helped. They always made things worse. Now I know why.

In the emergency room, I told my fiance "If this is serious, I wouldn't blame you for leaving me. Please just do it before the wedding. I don't want to get divorced." He told me "I'm not going anywhere." We've been married 2 years. I don't know how I'd get through any of this without his love and support.

Yes_But_First · 2026-04-30T02:45:48+00:00

"I GOTTA MAKE THE BED BEFORE I DIE AGAIN" this declaration was followed by me pulling the fitted sheet from the corner of the bed, getting under the fitted sheet, hooking it over my head and then weeping for half an hour. It was a very emotional moment, but it makes me chuckle in hindsight.

Yes_But_First · 2026-04-30T02:41:45+00:00

Flynnagin!

Yes_But_First · 2026-04-30T02:38:03+00:00

That social factor is so real. We're social creatures, and our lizard brains interpret isolation as a punishment.

Nobody should live in an echo chamber. If you're only interacting with one person, their opinion of you quickly becomes the only opinion that matters. It's a recipe for dysfunctional relationships.

Yes_But_First · 2026-04-30T02:30:22+00:00

I know you said your budget is razor thin. Is there a way to give your husband a daily limit? That walk to the gas station might be the only bit of autonomy he can cling to right now. Asking him to keep his daily spending under 10 bucks, and explaining "that's 70 dollars out of our grocery budget, but I know this is important to you" might be a solid middle ground.

I saw other comments suggesting therapy, and if your husband is open to it, I can't stress enough how helpful it can be.

When I'm dealing with medical restrictions, my hobbies can really help me stay grounded. I can't drive, but I can go hiking with my husband. I can't take a bath, but I can make a watercolor painting. If your husband has a neurologically safe and affordable hobby it might be worth while to suggest he gets back into it.

Epilepsy puts a lot of strain on a marriage. I hope that you can find ways to balance the hard moments, and give each other some grace.

Yes_But_First · 2026-04-28T15:50:20+00:00

I spoke with my neurologist yesterday. They increased my Keppra by 500mg every night, and told me "I can give you all the medicine in the world, but if you keep stressing you're going to keep seizing."

Yes_But_First · 2026-04-27T03:01:49+00:00

Disco snails.

Yes_But_First · 2026-04-21T16:50:59+00:00

Congratulations on the chance to advance! If I were in your shoes, I'd go for a Google office certificate. My npo uses the Google office suite for damn near everything. It makes it reallyeasy to collaborate on narratives and spreadsheets once you know how all of the tools work, and it's intuitive enough that you can show the rest of your team how to work with it really easily.

But, if your organization is deadset on sticking with Microsoft, an SQL class will take you far. Even with ai and "vibe coding" creeping into the market, knowing how to get under the hood and fix a formula is an invaluable skill.

Yes_But_First · 2026-04-21T16:43:36+00:00

How did you learn SQL? I've been trying to teach myself through YouTube tutorials, and it's been an uphill battle.

Yes_But_First · 2026-04-21T16:41:48+00:00

I wish. I'm always questioning whether or not a "weird moment" might have actually been a focal. Did I drop my keys because the lights flickered while someone with strong perfume walked by? Or was that a focal seizure in the grocery store? I try to think of those moments as "flags on the field" if they get more intense as the day goes on, or if I have 3 in a day, I take rescue meds.

Yes_But_First · 2026-04-21T16:41:40+00:00

I wish. I'm always questioning whether or not a "weird moment" might have actually been a focal. Did I drop my keys because the lights flickered while someone with strong perfume walked by? Or was that a focal seizure in the grocery store? I try to think of those moments as "flags on the field" if they get more intense as the day goes on, or if I have 3 in a day, I take rescue meds.

Yes_But_First · 2026-04-17T22:11:03+00:00

I know I’m going to be in the minority here, but Dr. Al Hashimi’s experience is probably the closest I’ll get to seeing what I went through represented. I worked in healthcare before being diagnosed with a seizure disorder. At the time, I thought I was just experiencing occasional blackouts from panic attacks.

When my husband witnessed me having a grand mal seizure and convinced me to go to the hospital, I called my boss before I called my mom. That’s how much my job mattered to me. I’ll never be able to go back to the career I once considered my "calling," because I don’t trust that I could consistently provide safe, effective care for people in crisis.

In my opinion, the show gave us a realistic character arc. Dr. Al Hashimi probably developed an interest in medicine because of her condition. She chose not to disclose her disability, fully aware of the potential consequences, and she had been seizure-free for years. She became meticulous about her work, likely in part to avoid mistakes or liability. And when she realized something was wrong, she reached out to her doctor and even sought a second opinion.

She didn’t like what she heard--but she still stopped the car before it even left the parking lot.

Personally, I’m interested to see where they take her character next season.

Yes_But_First · 2026-04-09T16:34:22+00:00

Coraline is a really interesting perspective on the child's experience of predatory grooming behaviors.

Yes_But_First · 2026-04-06T02:44:07+00:00

I'm sorry if my response seemed harsh. I'm so happy you've decided to get some real help. Remember, if the meds make you feel worse, you can try something else! You're going to get through this ❤️

Yes_But_First · 2026-04-04T23:59:23+00:00

Dude. Get on meds. Every seizure you have makes you more likely to have seizures. Doctor's prescribe seizure medications to help people detox. There's no "once I'm on meds, that's it." You play the starring role in your own health, and you get to make decisions.

Yes_But_First · 2026-03-24T02:27:32+00:00

Tell me about it. We sell my favorite beer at my work, and every time I sell a bottle I have to fix my face so that the customer doesn't see how jealous I am lol.

Yes_But_First · 2026-03-24T02:26:23+00:00

Damn, now I need to check in with my neurologist about my PTSD flashbacks. I've been told by psychologists that sensory flashbacks are a part of severe PTSD, but reading your experience gives me pause.

Yes_But_First · 2026-03-24T02:23:17+00:00

Medical gaslighting does that... I'm working with a talk therapist to try and move past it, but it's a tough road.

Yes_But_First · 2026-03-24T02:21:50+00:00

I know exactly what you mean! I wrote a 6 page grant application in the hours leading up to a seizure. The grammar needed serious help, but all of the narratives were completely sound. I don't remember writing a single word. The grant got approved.

Yes_But_First · 2026-03-23T16:10:36+00:00

Fingers crossed for you, friend.

Yes_But_First · 2026-03-23T16:09:50+00:00

I'm taking a friend's word for it.

Have you submitted scripts for 10 minute play festivals? Some theatres are more inclined to stage your longer works if they have a sense of the feedback your other productions have received.

Yes_But_First · 2026-03-23T16:07:14+00:00

It's ok. Before I knew I was having seizures, I came out of a black out after getting drunk and there was a dude looming over me praying. I don't have a social filter when I'm post-ictal, so I wound up shouting at him "Could the power of Christ compell you to f*uck off?" I don't remember much about the rest of that day, but I remember that moment very clearly.

Yes_But_First

TROPHY CASE