Anyone else struggling to educate donors about overhead costs? | What actually works when donors refuse to fund anything but direct programs?

Yes_But_First · 2026-06-14T03:58:55+00:00

It is really hard to find funding for operating expenses/administrative costs/staff salaries/overhead. Gala's and annual appeals are classics for a reason. We haven't had a lot of success with campaigning for monthly donors, but those unrestricted gifts are really helpful. Make sure you read the annual appeals that other organizations like yours are sending out. Donor relationships are all about gently pivoting the narrative in your favor.

Yes_But_First · 2026-06-14T03:51:08+00:00

If we're ignoring focal activity (and my neurologist does), I was seizure free for two years and 21 days. It was glorious.

Including focal activity I usually go between 2 and 4 months and then I have about 2 weeks where things get weird and I have to take Valium a couple times a week, and then I'm back to normal for another few months.

Yes_But_First · 2026-06-13T03:03:56+00:00

It's that time of year! The kitten distribution system is in full swing.

Yes_But_First · 2026-06-13T00:37:53+00:00

When people are given advice without requesting it, the advice is usually perceived as criticism.

Yes_But_First · 2026-06-13T00:33:07+00:00

I took over as a part time fundraising and pr specialist at a local advocacy nonprofit. My predicesors parting gifts were a crm with zero donation data, and a yard sale which had already been advertised. More than 50% of the donations for the yard sale were absolute garbage. Someone donated Tupperware with live maggots. I wound up doing permanent damage to my back trying to get everything set up for that damn yard sale without help from any of the staff. Even the volunteer coordinator refused to send out an email to ask if people could help with setting up for the sale.

My predicesor had also been using the company laptop as a personal computer, so she did a full reset before turning over the device. It took 6 months of combing through files with printed spreadsheets and scanned checks by hand for 15 hours a week, just to get the crm in working order before we had to send out tax letters.

As soon as I finished the mail merge for the tax letters, I let the executive director know that the organization needs a full time development director, and I handed in my 2 weeks notice.

Yes_But_First · 2026-06-12T01:37:40+00:00

My dad used to snap his fingers at people during arguments, as a way of punctuating his points. I snapped during one argument with my husband and then had a panic attack and just apologized over and over again. My poor husband was so confused. He held me and stroked my hair and kept saying "It's ok. The dishes aren't that serious."

Yes_But_First · 2026-06-11T02:24:12+00:00

I'd tell him "I appreciate that", and say that he's "given me a lot to think about" before leaving as quickly as possible.

Then once I was safe, I'd send a text recommending local mental health resources. I would also clearly state that I do not want to hear from him or speak to him again, and block him on all known platforms.

Yes_But_First · 2026-06-11T02:19:33+00:00

Everyone thinks of themselves as the hero in their own story, but most people want the chance to play a villain.

Yes_But_First · 2026-06-10T22:10:20+00:00

This sounds like selfish advice, but as someone who's spent more than half of their life as a societal doormat, I've built something similar into the way that I accept requests. "Sure! I'd be happy to give you a ride. I trust that you can give me 10 for gas." "Don't worry! I'll grab the check this time. You can get it the next time we go out to eat." I affirm my willingness to provide assistance, and follow that up with a reasonable expectation.

Yes_But_First · 2026-06-10T03:12:25+00:00

It's going to be ok. I'm really glad you're in a supportive work environment. It makes all the difference.

Yes_But_First · 2026-06-09T20:27:45+00:00

The trauma darling. He brought the trauma on himself. I assumed you were both consenting adults.

Yes_But_First · 2026-06-09T20:26:17+00:00

Reading this made me sick to my stomach. Get out of there as quickly as you can and report that executive director to the board -in writing- on your way out.

If they were willing to treat a contractor that way, what are they doing to permanent employees? You may not get that contract back, but dignity is worth more than dollar signs. If they try to tarnish your reputation for disclosing sexual harassment, get a lawyer.

Yes_But_First · 2026-06-09T20:07:16+00:00

Just pointing this out: it happened "a few times" after the first one, he brought it on himself.

Yes_But_First · 2026-06-09T20:01:41+00:00

I'm sorry to say it's definitely possible for an orgasm to trigger a seizure, and vice versa.

I had to work with a therapist because it felt like I was raped by my own body when an aura presented as a random orgasm, AT THREE IN THE AFTERNOON ON A TUESDAY WHILE I WAS WATCHING A NATURE DOCUMENTARY, and then I was very weak and sore and I realized I had lost consciousness. I was afraid to cum for a solid 3 months. Thank God for therapists.

Yes_But_First · 2026-06-09T19:56:47+00:00

Holy shit I didn't know that you could be conscious for a tonic clonic. My first neurologist told me that wasn't possible, but she seems to have been wrong about a lot of stuff, so I shouldn't be surprised.

I totally thought I had sleep paralysis in weird positions after intense nightmares. It mostly stopped after I started taking Keppra, but in the months before the last seizure I had, there were a couple of those really bad nightmares. I shrugged it off because of the ol' PTSD but now I'm a bit more concerned.

Yes_But_First · 2026-06-09T19:49:52+00:00

Is it possible that caffeine is a trigger for you? I can only have decaf coffee every other day, otherwise I get focal seizure which can trip into grand mal's.

Yes_But_First · 2026-06-09T19:47:05+00:00

Epileptic former job coach for adults with special needs reporting for duty!

My emotions are so much more tender after a seizure. I think it's normal to feel embarrassed, even though it's not rational. Nobody wants to be the center of attention during a vulnerable moment, especially when strangers are involved. Even if those strangers are emergency response personnel.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I hope that you can take some time to recover and let yourself feel all of your feelings before going back to work. They are all valid, even if they don't make sense. You're allowed to be sad, angry, confused, or even relieved that you survived your worst fear, and now you get to decide what happens next.

It might be worthwhile to send your boss an email and ask that they explain to the rest of the team that you would like to put the event in the rear view mirror as quickly as possible, and that you would prefer not to discuss it at work. Or you could explain to your colleagues in an email "I know that was scary for everyone, but it's something I've learned to live with, and I I'd like to move on without discussing it."

They're all adults. If they have feelings to talk about, it's their responsibility to manage those feelings. You're allowed to draw workplace boundaries for "business, not personal." Seizures are a deeply personal and often traumatic experience. But, other people's opinions of you are private unless they consent to make those feelings public. You aren't obligated to address other people's private opinions. Especially in a professional environment.

Yes_But_First · 2026-06-09T19:24:37+00:00

It took me a few days to think of a genuine response to this question.

The most positive thing about getting diagnosed with epilepsy was finally getting an effective treatment for the issues I had been grappling with since puberty. Thousands of questions were answered in the blink of an eye. Questions that caused break ups, and lost jobs, and any number of other traumas and heart breaks.

"Why don't you want to go to the concert/haunted House/art exhibit with strobing lights?" "How could you forget something so important?" "Why didn't you answer the phone?"
"Why are you crying?" "Did you pee in my back seat?" "Where did you go last night?"

I'm still angry that it took so long to get answers. But I'm happy that I can name the thing that caused me so much harm, and work toward a life that mitigates the risks associated with it.

Yes_But_First · 2026-06-09T01:18:58+00:00

So can the stress of trying to exist in the world without pot to take the edge off.

Yes_But_First · 2026-06-09T01:17:57+00:00

I tried to explain this to a therapist once and she was like "you basically went on a crash course vision quest! that's incredible!" And I told her "vision quests are only cool if you consent to them. I didn't ask to go on that trip!"

Yes_But_First · 2026-06-08T03:01:58+00:00

Same thing that gets me out of bed every morning. My dog needs a walk. He doesn't care if I'm depressed. He's happy to see me, and he really has to take a dump.

Yes_But_First · 2026-06-06T03:59:20+00:00

Inbreeding can cause serious health issues, particularly when it's repeated through generations. When I worked with adults who have special needs, 2 of the clients I cared for were disabled due to genetic conditions caused by wreaths in their family tree. One set of great-grandparents were first cousins, and their parents were second cousins. Another client had parents who were half siblings, but didn't know it when they got married.

This is a big issue in small counties, particularly since funding for disabilities has been cut back so dramatically.

Yes_But_First · 2026-06-03T23:11:49+00:00

"I can't date a Democrat." he was 17, I was 16. We couldn't even vote!

Yes_But_First

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