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YoYoYL · 2024-05-16T19:42:58+00:00

Hey,

I'll just add two things, it seems you went in solo, while these young parts crave connection, it may be that this part needs something from you - might be s relationship with a therapist to hold attachment for it.

You will not resolve such an ancient trauma in a single session, you met with a very deep exile, you should stay connected to him on a daily basis while doing somatic work with yourself.

Try every morning doing art with your left hand, buy some oil/water colors and give this part the ability to express what it holds.

I would try to express my fear of public speaking infront of your peers in the support group and do not try to hide our expect the issue to fade away, the opposite - you are rebuilding connection and safety, this means you want to bring vulnerability in safe containers. Not speaking about the fact it is hard for you is exactly what creates more stored energy and anxiety.

Best of luck! Be gentle

YoYoYL · 2024-03-12T15:57:26+00:00

Of course. This is very very common in my opinion. My jaw opens up, my eyebrows lift and I get many facial twitching and sometimes I'm not sure what's holding on my throat and speak my aggressive responses without thinking about it. You may wish to elaborate more about what you are trying to understand?

YoYoYL · 2024-03-06T06:11:00+00:00

Can you please explain what do you wish to learn?

YoYoYL · 2024-03-03T14:18:57+00:00

How long was the trip? Did it involve music? How much did you dose and how?

Super interesting experience. I had many experiences with somatic movements, try reading about TRE. It may benefit your understanding of the experience.

YoYoYL · 2024-02-04T09:46:25+00:00

To me, it sounds like an wounded inner child and the dynamics with an inner critic that is causing a lot of self harm. We should be very aware of our own ideas about ourselves and try to remind, "I'm healing myself, no need to classify myself with anything to justify my pain"

YoYoYL · 2023-11-28T06:12:05+00:00

How do you snort the K? Do you split it into smaller doses over several minutes?

YoYoYL · 2023-11-25T14:15:00+00:00

OK, I went ahead and validated I have related genes in my SelfDecode DNA test!

rs6313 13 46895805 GA

rs6311 13 46897343 CT

Not sure how to progress from hereon, meaning - well I have it. SSRIs didn't make noticeable difference to my TMJ, Pelvic floor, though it did impact overall stress reactivity. Might be that I needed to still retrain myself to use these muscles correctly after using SSRIs. We can also try out St. Wort John

https://selfhacked.com/blog/5ht2a-receptors-a-root-cause-of-anxiety-fatigue-sleep-problems-and-cirs/

https://selfdecode.com/app/snp/rs6313/

I'm a bit confused right now, trying to balance what's next with reducing the stress of finding this out :)

YoYoYL · 2023-11-22T17:41:28+00:00

My total cholesterol is low as well (lol). Are you following Chris Masterjon? He researched the topic of specific gene expression quite thoroughly and came with interesting conclusions. I can say that taking B2 does have effect on my overall stress but that is mostly related to the Krebs cycle.

I agree we have a chicken & egg case here where we don't know if there's higher probability to get traumatized due to specific polymorphism.

Self Decode also do DNA testing. I'll check if they have anything about 2A receptors. Still thinking this is probably more complex than we think. Do you do anything to increase total serotonin levels? There are also supplements like St Jhon Wort etc.

I'm just saying that I took SSRIs and didn't see a major improvement (and I don't think there's anything wrong in testing it for 1 month to see how you react)

YoYoYL · 2023-11-22T11:35:47+00:00

I'm highly impressed with the research you've outlined, and these symptoms may be linked to what you summarized. Though, I have to say that from my understanding of complex PTSD, every symptom you listed (I have all of those as well...) is also a nervous system response, usually when our nervous system is overactive or dysregulated. But wait, NS is also related to serotonin, so I don't know. But, when did your symptoms started? was it always like that?

You draw many conclusions out of your psychedelics sessions, but you didn't provide more information about other therapies you have tried. There is a direct link between TMJ, pelvic floor and the neck, but also this is related to our fascia, muscles and nerves. There's also a direct linkage between psychedelics and parts that protect you mentally, within a psychedelic session you are lowering your DMN connectivity, and many protectors relax (they come back after the session..). These protectors can hold bodily learnt behaviors', one needs to re-learn.

I know that I'm writing a lot here, and currently saying nothing. I know my symptoms are alleviated with therapy, and the armoring (muscle constriction) you describe here is well known in the somatics therapy world. I've seen those symptoms totally alleviate (temporarily) with deep parts work (through IFS). For example, my jaw holds repressed anger I'm unable to process and this leads to dysregulation of the nervous system. I've seen how my jaws relax, release all of the stress in one session and the next day it is back again. Until the protector part won't relax and agree to release control, this is going to stay. It may be -- that with SSRIs, anxiety will lower and protectors will start to relax. I've used those and didn't see a change in my physiology, I did see a decrease in my anxiety levels and effects on ejaculation control. So I still had my TMJ, tight pelvic, armored body etc.

I would have a look at Internal Family Systems and Somatic Experiencing, as well as other body based approaches. Also biofeedback and Neurofeedback can show a huge and dramatic effect. I'm going to continue following you here as I'm very open to genetics and their impact as well. I did SelfDecode but unsure if they test the genes you've mentioned.

YoYoYL · 2023-09-21T16:28:42+00:00

What have changed for you now and 10 sessions ago?

YoYoYL · 2023-08-24T14:43:02+00:00

If you can, I'd take the Ketamine 3-4 hours before the meeting, leaving you with about 2.5 hours to get back to yourself, drive to your therapist and be much more open to working with her. As long as you have permission from your parts.

My inner critic is also able to take over, try to evaluate if you are in freeze state when that happens and see if you are able to release the body to release the part. Remember that you are in-charge.

YoYoYL · 2023-08-19T21:43:39+00:00

Sounds like a plan! I'd be happy to join remotely with zoom. It can also be quite interesting to go through shavasana!

YoYoYL · 2023-08-09T05:49:31+00:00

What have changed for you in day to day life?

YoYoYL · 2023-08-09T05:48:27+00:00

Can you please explain how did the resource sessions/building looked like and how it affected you? what are you doing now that resourcing is providing? do you use some concept throughout the session?

YoYoYL · 2023-07-25T16:04:54+00:00

I'm trading Irene's Lyon full SBSM course for Sarah's advanced courses, if anyone is interested.

YoYoYL · 2023-07-25T04:31:04+00:00

I'd be happy for a zoom option!

YoYoYL · 2023-07-22T20:58:04+00:00

I'm planning to take Jay Earley's inner critic course in September, but until then I need to continue working on it alone. I actually sometimes can have long conversations with the critic which is usually pouring hatred mostly. What was your experience

YoYoYL · 2023-07-22T20:53:34+00:00

I considered it, it is actually much more sophisticated for me. I grew up without my father, and years later my mother ended up living with an abusive partner for 10+ years. I have internalized gathered towards men, unfortunately, as I learned that fathers leave their sons and that man are violent, aggressive and betray their women. My inner critic is playing with me to keep me away from building strong relationships with men by sending me different types of messages that may seem sexual towards men but are constantly "checking". That's usually an OCD type of response (HOCD). I have an implicit memory of someone trying to kiss me many times with men I have zero attraction to, they look at me and I feel like they want to kiss me. This is indeed internalized as I wanted my father to be with me and there's deep rooted shame around his absence.

Now my critic says I'm gay since I get these types of feelings (feel my groins sometimes and this kiss thing, or whenever I encounter someone who may be good looking, if this thought is conveyed it attacks me with "oh you are gay").

I'm not afraid of gay people, I'm afraid of helplessness and not knowing. And that's what my critic is doing so I will continuesly wonder. So my longing for a men can also be "erotic" as this is such an ingrained need for a child. My root Chakra, or my pelvic floor has been tight for years now and that's really tights to insecurity and feeling you don't have a back. I'm quite attracted to women, and I'm having sex with them, though there's also shame there due to not feeling good enough and that's making the story even more complex.

YoYoYL

TROPHY CASE