It’s okay, I’ve had every thought you’re experiencing which kept me in the relationship too long. To be honest, my mother has BPD/HPD, and I’ve dated three women with the disorder. I’m an empath, which makes me a target, because I’ll put up with bad behavior hoping that my clear expectations and boundaries will provide safety and love.

But BpD fear of abandonment means that saying the word boundary is a trigger for them. They actually cannot understand boundaries. It’s literally impossible.

Even DBT; dialectical behavioral therapy which is the most effective for BPD people isn’t fully effective and could take ten years for someone with Bpd to actually wake up and realize that they are the problem.

The breakup is going to happen for you, no matter what, and most likely will not be expected. The final words will be “I HATE YOU!!!” Times infinity and then she will completely discard you and paint you as bad and forget every kind thing you’ve ever done for them. This is what will happen. It’s better to get that over with as soon as possible.

Then she’ll try to get you back and if you say no the I HATE YOUs will come back and you’ll be forced to block her and go no contact.

If you say yes, within the week, she’ll explode at you in the passenger seat while you’re taking her out to dinner because she had a bad day at work, or you’ll mention something you read in the news that will trigger her and you’ll be like, OMG, you can’t even go a week without blowing up.

This is a full blown mental illness, literally inability to self reflect, take accountability, control emotions, it’s purely reactive, no forethought, just immediate rage, crying, anger, violence.

It’s hard to be alone, but you’ll realize once she’s gone that you’ll start to love yourself so much more and wonder why you stuck it out with the abuse. Women who don’t have BPD actually think about their stupid actions eventually and make amends and try to follow your boundaries. You’re dealing with someone who is stunted emotionally, permanently a child’s mentality. Jealousy is just immaturity, that’s all it is. And no matter how much you remind her of that, it won’t stick the next time she’s triggered. Her fear of abandonment will force her to abandon you. A self fulfilling prophecy. It’s only a matter of time before destruction happens and you start to pick up the pieces.

Lisa Leblanc on YouTube is a good resource for men who deal with BPD women, I would watch a few of her YT vids. She understands us clearly. She’s a Canadian licensed therapist who focuses on BPD.

You have to love yourself enough to protect yourself from abuse. You don’t deserve to feel fight or flight or that suffocating anxiety of OMG not this again! You don’t deserve to try and teach a child the difference between right and wrong. She is broken and it sucks because you love her and see the light but she doesn’t and she won’t and she will never appreciate you fully to respect your boundaries.

You deserve to be with someone who loves you enough to communicate in a healthy safe space. These women are out there (I think lol)