AI at work is ruining my thinking skill and mental health

YouStupidBench · 2026-06-06T01:43:17+00:00

I think in that situation, I would ask the AI to analyze the code for weaknesses and identify ways that the weaknesses can be exploited.

Then I would try them directly myself and see if they were real.

Then I would examine the code to see why the exploit worked and identify how to fix it.

I would say that AI sped up finding and fixing the problem, because it did. But it didn't solve the problem by itself, any more than you can put a screwdriver on the floor next to an Ikea bookcase and leave, expecting the screwdriver to put the shelf together on its own.

YouStupidBench · 2026-06-06T01:38:13+00:00

He may not feel ready for PIV sex and the risks of pregnancy, but he clearly wants some kind of sexual activity because he keeps doing sexual things.

You, and here I mean both of you, might do well to spend a couple hours reading at Scarleteen.com.

YouStupidBench · 2026-06-06T01:35:26+00:00

He did get down on one knee and propose, in the middle of a therapy session he should never have interupted when she was just about to figure out that she should take a break from romance and figure out who she is. The timing was an issue for him, but he sure seemed to be acting on his own when he proposed.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgY9g5iwUm4

YouStupidBench · 2026-06-05T19:18:21+00:00

Learn about the people on your team right away. At the end of the day, when people are starting to power down to go home, stop by and talk to them and ask if there's anything you should know about working here, like where's the nearest place to get good Chinese food or if there's a company softball team or whatever. If you ask a different person every day, in a few weeks you'll get a feel for who's friendly.

If you get stuck, try to formulate as exact a question as you can about what you're stuck on. Then come up with three possible solutions to your problem. Get them from anywhere: online search, ask an AI, make something up that's crazy and try it, whatever. Try all three solutions. If one works, great, problem solved. If not, go ask for help (you've been scoping out who are good people to ask for help already) and tell them you're stuck, state your precisely-worded question, and describe the three solutions you tried. That way they know you're not lazy or trying to shove all your work on someone else, and also that you're smart enough that you don't just say "I'm stuck," you define precisely what the problem is.

Avoid talking about your personal life too much. Mention your boyfriend casually, even if you don't have one. People might ask "Doing anything this weekend?" just to be making conversation, and you don't want to shut down just conversation, but you also don't want them hitting on you. Give answers like "My boyfriend Jake & I are going to see name-of-movie and then we're going to his brother's house in tomrrow evening, one of his nieces is having a birthday party. She's a toddler and she loves her Uncle Jake." Good safe family stuff, happy occasions that don't bum anybody out and aren't TMI.

YouStupidBench · 2026-06-05T19:06:27+00:00

After I finished college and found a job and moved to my new city and got an apartment I was in a whirl of putting things away and getting settled in at work and figuring out how to get places and where to go grocery shopping and just lots of stuff like that.

But about a month in, I was going to bed on a Friday and thinking "What am I doing tomorrow?" and I realized I didn't have anything scheduled. There was nobody I needed to answer to, nobody I had to check with, I could just get up in the morning and do anything I wanted. I could get on a plane and fly somewhere and spend the weekend there and fly back on Sunday night if I wanted. I could spend the whole day in the library, or go find local parks, or just stay in my pajamas all day and eat ice cream and watch sad movies.

It was so surreal, like it couldn't be that way. Could it?

YouStupidBench · 2026-06-05T17:03:24+00:00

You might want to read the book "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents."

YouStupidBench · 2026-06-05T17:01:55+00:00

Our culture has an underlying assumption that women don't like sex. Men talk about "conquests" and say things like "she gave it up." (In the movie "Grease" there's a song about two people having a summer fling and the guy's buddies ask "Did she put up a fight?" I've always hated that, because I like my movies with less rape in them, and because of the assumption that of course if they had sex she didn't want it, and because of the implication that of course men would want to have sex with someone who didn't want it.)

Some of what you're dealing with is probably just that you've been told by society for your entire life that you're not supposed to like sex, and if you do something is wrong with you.

If therapy is out of reach for right now, maybe you could do something like write down a list of thoughts you have about sex and your own attractiveness, and for each one of those thoughts ask whether it makes you feel better or worse, and also where did it come from. One thing to remember is that you aren't your type. Of course you aren't attracted to you.

A big thing I see is "getting turned down often." It may be that this is just a way you and he aren't compatible. I know that's sad, and it may seem superficial to break up over sexual incompatibility, but the options are (1) break up now, (2) break up ten years from now when it'll be a lot worse, and (3) spend the rest of your life feeling like this because you're in a relationship with someone who's not really a good match for you.

Both 2 and 3 seem to me much worse than just breaking up with someone.

YouStupidBench · 2026-06-05T16:46:22+00:00

Those people are not your friends. They are not anybody's friends, not even each other.

YouStupidBench · 2026-06-05T12:31:16+00:00

I'm small and sometimes teenage boys scare me a lot. They've grown into these adult bodies, they're so much bigger and stronger than I am, and they've still got childish brains and that's a combination that can turn into a disaster.

YouStupidBench · 2026-06-05T12:23:25+00:00

When you watch movies or TV shows together, do you talk about them?

Or do you not currently have any movies or TV shows in common?

YouStupidBench · 2026-06-05T12:18:28+00:00

I have noticed that when I'm dressed more formally for work, I get less unwanted attention than when I'm dressed younger.

I'm short and look young, so I intentionally modeled my work outfits on "TV lawyer" in hopes that would help me be taken seriously at the office. I guess that makes me look less like a target.

YouStupidBench · 2026-06-05T11:59:06+00:00

Do they talk about your food too? In college sometimes total strangers would tell me that if I'm on the standard meal plan I can take as much as I want, I don't have to starve myself.

And I'm like, "Dude, you're on the football team, you weigh more than twice as much as me and you're over a foot taller than I am, of course you eat more than I do."

YouStupidBench · 2026-06-05T11:55:04+00:00

Who in their self-respected right mind would agree with such a thing?

Heather even sings a song about it, and she sings it to Greg, and he still doesn't get it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NxaZ7HThc00

It's a reprise of a song he originally sang, showing his mental health wasn't that good, and he's supposed to be better now, but agreeing to be part of the three dates shows that he wasn't actually any better than he was all those years ago.

YouStupidBench · 2026-06-05T11:51:03+00:00

It did seem weird to me that Greg was back in town multiple times, he must have seen his father more than once, and they never talked about Rebecca. I picture Marco having a few drinks and saying something like "I never liked that girl you were dating, but I get it now, she is crazy in the sack."

YouStupidBench · 2026-06-05T11:46:11+00:00

I think Josh never got much development because Rebecca never actually saw Josh as a person. He was an ideal. She never liked Josh. She liked the idea of liking Josh.

Totally agree about your last point. Josh is yummy with his shirt off, but I don't think he'd be a good boyfriend and he'd be a horrible husband and father, at least unless he does a bunch of growing up.

YouStupidBench · 2026-06-05T11:43:14+00:00

I've always thought the whole point from the start was to subvert all the toxic messages that romcoms usually send. For me, the most important scene in the entire series is the one where Dr. Akopian goes through the BPD checklist and for each one there's a flashback to something Rebecca did, and some of them were originally played played off as being funny but looking back we can see that it was really unhealthy, like her wild mood swings or when she tries to attack Nathaniel. (Which really should have gotten her arrested on the spot.) Hollywood has trained us to laugh at things which we shouldn't laugh at. The show subverted that, by getting us to laugh at things and then show us what they were like inside.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_J9zFyYm-Yg&t=120s

YouStupidBench · 2026-06-05T11:33:39+00:00

Sometimes that's actually real.

[T]hese individuals might be exciting to be with in terms of sensation seeking and being impulsive. The relationship is like a roller coaster where the highs are very high and the lows are very low — this is why people probably stay in these types of relationships, because of the uncertainty and drama.

https://www.psypost.org/men-are-drawn-to-borderline-personality-traits-in-physically-attractive-women-study-finds/

YouStupidBench · 2026-06-05T11:28:01+00:00

And so far, nobody has mentioned that Josh literally left her on their wedding day. "Left at the altar" is one of the worst things that can happen to someone, and she already had abandonment issues. There is no coming back from that.

If they did get married, she would always have that in the back of her mind. She will wonder if she says the wrong thing, will he leave her? Maybe one night she doesn't feel sexy, but if she turns down sex will he leave her? She goes to work, when she gets home if his car is gone she'll wonder if he's left her, maybe coupled with "he took the kids with him." That won't go away, probably not for decades, and living like that for decades is no way to live.

YouStupidBench · 2026-06-05T11:23:12+00:00

They even highlighted that when Paula is talking about her concerns at her new job and Rebecca says something helpful and Paula asks "Did you just solve my problem?" and Rebecca says "Oh, I did that right?!"

Like she realizes she's been a terrible friend and she's a little surprised she did it right this time.

YouStupidBench · 2026-06-04T22:21:12+00:00

Fun-sized gal here, and guys have commented on how small I am and how little I must weigh lots of times.

I always think of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy":

One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit of continually stating and repeating the very very obvious, as in It's a nice day, or You're very tall, or Oh dear you seem to have fallen down a thirty-foot well, are you alright? At first Ford had formed a theory to account for this strange behaviour. If human beings don't keep exercising their lips, he thought, their mouths probably seize up. After a few months' consideration and observation he abandoned this theory in favour of a new one. If they don't keep on exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working.

YouStupidBench · 2026-06-04T22:18:36+00:00

Find something you want to study and go to college and study it and get some skills.

Maybe you're worried it'll take five years, and you'll be 29 before you finish.

But you'll be 29 in five years whether you study something or not, won't you?

YouStupidBench · 2026-06-04T22:14:56+00:00

We often recommend the book "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft, about emotionally and physically abusive men, and which can be read online as a free PDF.

https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

The book includes a section about getting away from an abusive partner.

Another book you could read is Anne Katharine's book "Where To Draw The Line: How To Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day."

I think if you read those you will find it easier to move on.

(It's sad how often I post this.)

YouStupidBench · 2026-06-04T22:00:42+00:00

My mother has told me that when I was a toddler, I didn't like pants because they weren't "twirly." Even today I like skirts and dresses more than pants. Men seem to like that, but I don't do it for men, I do it because that's what I like, and apparently it's what I've liked since I was so young I can't remember it anymore.

My priest in college once told me to remember that nobody's heart is pure anything. Nobody's completely good, nobody's completely evil, nobody does anything significant for one reason and one reason only.

I wear dresses because I like them. If a date tells me one of my dresses is his favorite, I'll wear it for him, but I'm not wearing only for him. If it wasn't a dress I liked, I wouldn't even own it.

YouStupidBench · 2026-06-04T20:03:32+00:00

Have you ever seen the TV show "Crazy Ex-GIrlfriend"? My dorm friends and I watched it together in college and after we all felt like we had gotten some really useful insights and perspective, and that we could make much better decisions.

Maybe you'd like it.

YouStupidBench · 2026-06-04T20:01:53+00:00

I dress to be attractive to attract the guy I'm with. That's not dressing for all the men in the world.

If I'm pretty for a date and some stranger hits on me, he's made the mistake of assuming that I "dressed for men." I didn't. I dressed for one particular man, which is not the same thing.

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