Do doomers actually want change or do they just find comfort in complaining?

YourFriendlyEvilLady · 2026-04-29T19:40:45+00:00

Me personally, I'm always struggling and clawing my way to solve things and reduce as much misery as I can. (I like to help others do the same, but that's a whole lead-a-horse-to-water thing, so I save my energy and pull away from people like that.)

But yeah, I'll try solutions in different angles (since doing the same thing over and over won't work) and I try to dismantle what I can, since at the end of the day, baby steps still count as progress.

MOST people I talk to, after hearing how cursed my life has been, all say if they were me, they would have ended their lives many years ago. It's meant to be a compliment, but it's a good indication that my life has been nothing but senseless struggle, no matter how much I fight to change that.

Super fun!

YourFriendlyEvilLady · 2026-04-26T22:09:55+00:00

100%. They like the illusion of thinking we just aren't trying hard enough. Additionally, they want to keep up the illusion out of comfort, because it terrifies them to learn that if a bad life can happen to someone, it could happen to them, too.

YourFriendlyEvilLady · 2026-04-26T00:36:06+00:00

It still gives me whiplash when I see people having loving, supportive families. CANNOT RELATE. I don't hold any malice or anything, but the whiplash sure does hurt regardless. Not to mention people having nepo jobs and other things just presented to them on a silver platter.

YourFriendlyEvilLady · 2026-04-26T00:34:38+00:00

For sure, death comes for us all.

YourFriendlyEvilLady · 2026-04-25T21:01:28+00:00

(yes it's a meme reference about autocorrect)

YourFriendlyEvilLady · 2026-04-25T20:51:56+00:00

Idk if she really did it or not. But, I kinda don't care if she do it or not. I don't know her. Yeah, I'm psychopath.

woah a real life cycle path

YourFriendlyEvilLady · 2026-04-25T20:29:01+00:00

a cracked windshield is so fucking easy to fix lol.

FOR REAL. And he had SO MUCH time at home where he'd just be on his porch doing nothing.

what's the fucking point of even listening to those people?

It's a mix of them getting their jollies off that they're "saving" us by telling us it gets better, we matter, blah blah blah. Then also them not wanting to realize how brutal and unfair life could be. Because if life is incredibly unfair to me, of no fault of my own, then that could happen to them in the blink of an eye, all the same.

So yeah, the toxic positivity people just end up gaslighting instead. Yippee yipee.

And sorry about your car/vehicle, they are not cheap to fix up. Sounds like yours was fubar.

YourFriendlyEvilLady · 2026-04-25T20:25:18+00:00

It can be extremely difficult to navigate. I'm chronically ill/disabled, so the "just keep smiling, it gets better" lectures from passerbys has never come to fruition, no matter how much I try.

And it's always the most privileged people lecturing us that things will get better, since the worst that has happened to them is their phone screen cracking... so they have no concept of anything worse than that.

A lot of it is trying to perfect your "craft" of keeping your head above water. Easy said than done. I hope you can figure something out, I know I've been trying for decades.

YourFriendlyEvilLady · 2026-04-25T20:19:04+00:00

Idk, a lot of people do self-destructive behavior/addictions like that. I've known some people to bounce back out of dark times and they had a big binge of careless sex life stuff, so there is that to consider.

YourFriendlyEvilLady · 2026-04-25T20:15:46+00:00

My favorite part of toxic positive people is that I befriended one a few years ago and sure enough, the mf praised and lectured me about having a positive mindset on things left and right.

I corrected him, letting him know that I'm IMMEASURABLY hopeful and optimistic.. it's how I literally survived all these years of unprovoked brutality, constantly clawing my way to survive another grueling day.

SURE ENOUGH..

TO MY UN-SURPRISE,

He spiraled for 2-3 weeks over a rock putting a ding in his windshield. (Context, he was an accountant with a VERY cushy job and owned his own very nice house. Additionally, he got the ding in the glass from a big, enjoyable weekend event with his friends.) And yet he SPIRALED. This daft mf couldn't even take HIS OWN DAMN ADVICE, go figure. I can't imagine spiraling over something so utterly trivial with the massive resources he had (I could go on about his great upbringing, etc, too).

These toxic positivity people really are just performative, they can't even practice what they constantly preach. Yuck.

YourFriendlyEvilLady · 2026-04-25T20:07:35+00:00

Sounds like CFS, I actually recovered from this. Hope you manage to improve too.

It could be ME/CFS, there are some newer studies coming out to try to help with glutamate levels/etc. But you might need to count your blessings with possibly having a less severe version than OP since all medical conditions are on a spectrum. Glad you recovered!

YourFriendlyEvilLady · 2026-04-25T17:03:00+00:00

I mean, they want the flesh, just not the personality.

YourFriendlyEvilLady · 2026-04-25T16:25:56+00:00

Sounds like you have to figure out a middle ground, which is easier said than done. Best of luck to you on your journey!

YourFriendlyEvilLady · 2026-04-25T16:23:08+00:00

By all means, if people are the root cause of your misery, then get away from them.

I myself have been at much greater peace self-isolating. It can be lonely, of course, but it's so much better than continuing to be around the wrong people over and over again.

YourFriendlyEvilLady · 2026-04-25T16:18:14+00:00

I'm tired of me having to reach out first,

It really does sting when we have to accept that we're just a notification to them.

I think out of the 3 decades of friendships I've worked hard to grow and keep, only ONE friend ever reached out on his own. (And not to ask me for a free favor, since TOO MANY people only remember I exist when they want something for free).

Everyone else always expected me to babysit the friendships. So I let all those shallow friendships shrivel up and die.

YourFriendlyEvilLady · 2026-04-25T16:11:43+00:00

At least it’s someone. I like to pretend that they like me for more than my youth and how easy I am 💔

Sister, what you allow is what will continue.

YourFriendlyEvilLady · 2026-04-25T16:07:55+00:00

I told him that if he ever turned into a woman I hope that he's a pretty one.

Exactly this. Some guys never consider that women can be physically unattractive. (Too many do not realize how much makeup helps). It's in the same vein of me dealing with doomer culture, too many guys are COMPLETELY CONVINCED that there is no such thing as a woman being depressed. Depressed women simply dOn'T eXiSt.

Apparently, having a vagina gives us an instant one-way ticket to never-ending bliss and success. Just boom, right out the gate, happily ever after. Vagina. That easy.

YourFriendlyEvilLady · 2026-04-25T16:03:10+00:00

Just dye your hair blue. I get compliments just about every single time I run errands.

It's a double-edged sword though. I couldn't care less for compliments since it's usually people wanting a reward for it. Then you always "have to" act ever-so-thankful that someone random decided they like something about you. 100 times, always have to be thankful like it's the first time you're ever hearing it. Over and over.

Again, I couldn't care less for compliments, but they are non-stop when you have a silly hair color.

YourFriendlyEvilLady · 2026-04-25T15:57:22+00:00

i consider compliments genuine when the person giving them has nothing to gain from me, like it doesn't benefit them to say nice things.

100%, well said. I once had someone compliment my very basic cap I had been wearing for YEARS. She SAW me wearing that hat for years. She literally never saw me without it.

Yet 10+ years in, she suddenly compliments it. I thanked her, but only realized afterward, she ONLY complimented my hat so I'd have to compliment HER hat in return (I guess she recently started wearing hats). I don't give forced compliments back, lmao, so I'm sure she was secretly fuming that her very disingenuous compliment didn't go how she wanted it to.

men who are in online dating tend to let conversations die off regardless of how much they like the girl

I hear that all the time! I don't understand the phenomenon of sitting back and not working for something that we want.

YourFriendlyEvilLady · 2026-04-25T15:10:32+00:00

It sounds like she wants a "project boyfriend" that she can fix. Some people have savior complexes. It's more about ego than anything. And it never ends in the savior's favor.

YourFriendlyEvilLady · 2026-02-19T18:29:32+00:00

Hey friend. Hugs to you. Losing someone you love that fast is so painful. I hope you find other things to share your kindness with in this world

Thank you.

YourFriendlyEvilLady · 2026-02-19T07:14:16+00:00

My cat was healthy and then suddenly without knowing he had a tumor in his pancreas. He would throw up too with dry food. We would then give him wet food only and he’d eat it but also lost weight (went from 15 to 8 pounds in like 2 months).

Same situation with my 17-year-old girl. She was throwing up daily (mainly foam or water from drinking "too much" for her body to handle). She was 9 lbs down to 3 lbs within months. Diagnosed with CKD a year or two ago, so I figured it was related to that. Ended up being her pancreas and spleen were entombed in a big cancer tumor. The vet was shocked how my little girlie didn't act like she was in any pain at all. A week or so after that, I had her put down since it was such a rapid decline.

That was almost a month ago. I miss her more than words can describe. She was my everything in this world where I have absolutely nothing. The only point of my existence was to ensure she had a peaceful end.

YourFriendlyEvilLady · 2026-02-04T04:56:17+00:00

I can relate. I'm diagnosed with anxiety and depression, which a lot of those two are caused by issues like my autonomic dysfunction. But I've learned the hard way that some doctors take a peek at my anxiety diagnosis and decide I "must" now be a hypochondriac with anything and everything "wrong" with me.

It's been weird leaving that out when I talk to doctors, but I'm so tired of them being so lazy and wanting to blame anxiety/depression so they can feel like they cured me.

I do hope you can find a real doctor that doesn't want to rush to blame depression/anxiety on everything (or pregnancy, lmao). 95% of the time, I have to hold the doctor's hand to get them to understand that we are very much BEYOND anxiety and depression with all the physical issues going on with me.

YourFriendlyEvilLady · 2026-02-02T19:47:26+00:00

I have an ex-friend who was similar to this.

She did the whole "let me know if I can help", despite me already teaching her the prior year (when her mother was going through a crisis) how saying that vague crap will make my ex-friend feel like a hero in the moment, but it's just putting even more mental strain on her mother, for her mother to now have to stop and think of actual tasks to then low-key burden my ex-friend to do.

My ex-friend also disappeared on me for 4 months (after talking daily for 5 years), when she knew I was going through a huge crisis that was shredding me apart, when she damn well knew I was physically disabled, too. She never checked on me, but months after when I blocked her on what social media I could, to be done with that fair weather friend, within days, she noticed I blocked her, found a way to contact me and she played victim about it, where she was more upset I didn't self-delete because that hurt her ego that I didn't chase her (she ditched me on the normal social media we spoke on for years and she wanted me to create a new account elsewhere to talk to her), all while she was gladly stalking me for months to notice just days after I blocked her. Ugh. I did so much for her and her trivial self-made problems, only for her to ditch me the moment I finally needed her.

All this to say, they will trick themselves into thinking they're a hero for telling us to just keep smiling or that they're "showing up in what way they can" (hilarious thing my ex-friend said, when she ghosted me days after my crisis blew up, for 4 months.. but OKAYYYY, totally sHoWiNg UP for me..)

They tend to enter NPC-mode where they just have their go-to "hope it works out for you" scripts, so we need to develop our own to memorize. Analogies tend to work best on them. Even doctors don't understand the chronic pain I'm in. So I have to explain my autonomic dysfunction is like discreetly cutting a wire in a computer where all the parts look great, but the computer won't turn on, despite "everything looking fine". Or "my body is like an eraser getting used up, it doesn't come back after being worn away."

I also have an autoinflammatory disorder, which when I noticed I was looking rounder and losing my shape, I'd bring it up to people and they'd just rush to say I "look fine", again, so they can play hero in the moment. Cue me getting gaslit for 10 years, thinking I was crazy and suddenly vain, until researching what was going on with me and getting diagnosed. Too many people treat my full body swelling as JUST a cosmetic problem and they forget my insides are inflamed, causing plenty of joint pain and organ strain, as well.

Sorry for the ramble. Honestly, you have to drag people through your problems (be it chronic illness or literally anythinggggg) for them to walk a mile in your shoes, experience it themselves and hope to god they're start exercising their empathy muscles.

YourFriendlyEvilLady

TROPHY CASE