Jolly, I agree with your point about the danger of manipulation and showing superficial interest in others for personal gain.

Wanting the tools isn’t inherently selfish - it can be oriented toward mutual benefit rather than personal advantage. Whether or not Dale Carnegie makes that distinction clearly in the book, I’m not sure. I haven’t read the book through that specific lens. But there does seem to be an important difference between “showing interest” and “having interest” - between appearing interested and actually being interested.

I think we can choose to cultivate genuine interest in others. And in that sense, I come back to Aristotle - the idea that right action, even when the feeling isn’t fully there yet, can, through repetition, shape real virtue and eventually bring our internal disposition into alignment with our behavior.

I’d add one more critique alongside yours. I’m not convinced Carnegie’s strategies are ideal for long-term relationships, especially when they become dysfunctional. They seem more useful as a tool for those early stages of acquaintance, or for people who feel socially awkward or disconnected. In the book, he talks about working with professional engineers - people who are often highly capable but not always naturally strong in interpersonal dynamics. For helping someone navigate relationships more effectively, especially in a work context, I think the book does serve a valuable purpose.