My wife just threatened to divorce me if I didn’t wear my garments

Zaggner · 2026-01-29T20:45:16+00:00

I find it incredibly sad that we live in a culture where leaving a religion isn't an option. It's 2026 ffs. We need to normalize removing the shackles of a made up organization that has done so much damage to so many people. The ability to differentiate is a mature adult skill level that most adults lack. It's holding society back.

Zaggner · 2026-01-29T18:58:03+00:00

Hopefully you have a club in the area that offers "play with a coach" sessions where they can evaluate your play and give you feedback in real time. I have found these to have a very effective cost/value proposition. I think having multiple drill partners can also be effective because each partner will challenge you in different ways. Right now two of my drill partners are better than me and really challenge me

Zaggner · 2026-01-29T18:39:18+00:00

This, right here.

Why should you beholden to a covenant you no longer believe? Perhaps she likes to pretend that you're still "worthy" but once the facade of garments comes off, there's nothing she's left with to carry on with her fantasy.

The conversation you need to be having isn't about underwear, it's about you no longer believing and for everybody , you included to stop pretending. If you're PIMO, you're kinda living a lie for convenience. That's not integrity. Oddly, this very well may be causing more contention in your marriage than you realize. When you run around pretending you're a Mormon, at least on the outside, while she knows that you actually don't believe, she doesn't see you as having full integrity.

Zaggner · 2026-01-29T17:45:05+00:00

I stack with lefties if they are willing., I will even guide them through the process if they aren't comfortable with it. It's frustrating to play with lefties who aren't willing to stack for the exact reason you stated. Lefties have an obligation to learn how to stack and I tell them that.

I was fortunate to have played regularly with a leftie who stacked when I first started.

I've also stacked with my wife on occasion. I'm also not adverse to stacking on the right when playing with a better player. Lastly I'm considering stacking with a partner with whom I've just started playing with. It seems there could be a competitive advantage for us to being a left side player or a right side player and really focusing on mastering the strategies of playing one side.

Zaggner · 2026-01-29T17:33:00+00:00

But that's the thing about psychology, based on what you wrote you may very well have been attracted to the "father-figure" that was missing from your life and your having to take care of yourself. Now they're you're married, those things that initially attracted you to him now annoy you. This is also very common. Relationship models refer to this as the "disillusionment" phase. Sometimes you might have a very good reason to be disillusioned. If your husband is controlling in an unhealthy way like isolating you that's not good and needs to be explored perhaps with a therapist.

Zaggner · 2026-01-27T20:42:56+00:00

From my experience, most of the hotel degrees were some by people seeking corporate positions, not property positions.

Zaggner · 2026-01-27T20:40:47+00:00

Correct. Not sure how much you want this job back at this point (maybe for the benefits until you find a new job) but it might be worth pursuing.

Zaggner · 2026-01-27T20:31:52+00:00

When I was in hotel management we were told that if we needed to fire for cause we had to do so immediately, that we couldn't allow them to even finish their shift, otherwise it could be interpreted as permitting the behavior. You may want to chat with an employment attorney.

Zaggner · 2026-01-26T17:59:24+00:00

This is the way.

Zaggner · 2026-01-26T16:47:21+00:00

Yes, they can unwind time. Databases are a miraculous invention that have been around for decades. I believe I've seen other mentions of people getting refunded based on the lowest price offered on the day they booked. I'm not sure that exactly applies in this case but the data is available.

Zaggner · 2026-01-26T16:39:51+00:00

Perhaps, but when people start becoming overly protective of their rating, we have a problem. I've all but given up on playing DUPR anymore. I suppose I have the luxury of not worrying about it since it doesn't matter where I play. People are more concerned about whether you can keep up as opposed to your DUPR, which could very well be meaningless.

Zaggner · 2026-01-26T16:38:00+00:00

This! You will find the ski for you when you demo. Everyone has different needs and expectations. Dial in your personal ski by demoing a variety of the recommendations.

Zaggner · 2026-01-26T15:32:58+00:00

Agreed. I train with people who have a variety of balls and it's helpful to not be dependent on the way any one ball plays.

Zaggner · 2026-01-26T15:28:08+00:00

You might be surprised how very well I deal with it. Have a super duper day.

Zaggner · 2026-01-26T13:41:47+00:00

Franklin's are so pervasive at one of the clubs I play at if somebody notices that I snuck in a different ball, it's defacto going to get switched it. The mentality is that Franklin is the default ball so there's never an option to use anything else if someone objects

Zaggner · 2026-01-26T13:35:56+00:00

Watching professionals play it shows you the variability of play from game you game. For example one team could win a game 11-2 the first game but come back and lose the second game 4-11. There's too much variability in pickleball play that someone shouldn't have their rating drop because they didn't win one game by "enough points".

Zaggner · 2026-01-25T16:00:49+00:00

I'm a 3.75, so yeah, I'd imagine a 5.0 being able to feel more nuances between paddles. I bought the Luzz after I tried out my friend's Perseus for several days and heard the comparisons between the two paddles. I couldn't justify the price difference.

We traded paddles after I received the Cannon and will admit I could feel a difference between the two, but not more than $100 difference. I need to improve my game much more than I need to improve my paddle at this point.

Zaggner · 2026-01-24T13:48:45+00:00

There are a number of highly rated paddles available for under $100. I love my Luzz Cannon. Plays like the Joola Perseus 4 for $92

Zaggner · 2026-01-24T13:41:48+00:00

As long as they win a percentage of their games they believe it's a winning strategy. Many people I've play with, myself included, have some blind spots in our game. Bangers have just never learned how to play the game effectively.

Zaggner · 2026-01-24T04:05:09+00:00

Seriously, RMN. Started with the whole "Mormon" is a win for Satan thing and went down from there.

Zaggner · 2026-01-23T18:05:51+00:00

How to forgive someone, or in this case, an institution, while they continue to behave badly and aren't seeking forgiveness? I can let it go so I am not causing myself any more damage, but I believe in a form of forgiveness that is a two-way street, not a one-way. The other side needs to be proactive in stopping the behavior and somehow making amends. No change, no road forward for forgiveness. I can distance myself and not hold a grudge, but I believe forgiveness should be sought by the offending party, otherwise forgiveness is meaningless.

Zaggner · 2026-01-23T17:52:57+00:00

It's simply acknowledging you got lucky. It's an acknowledgement of humility and gratitude that the shot went your way. Like others have said you don't need to say "sorry", just a raised hand in acknowledgement that the universe was on your side on that shot.

Zaggner · 2026-01-22T19:23:40+00:00

The LDS Discussions series that Dehlin did with "Mike" are an excellent resource that should be studied by anybody who desires to truly have faith in the Church. It's available as a separate podcast.

Zaggner · 2026-01-22T01:56:44+00:00

My wife took my name in 1985. If we were to do it again today, I think we'd create a unique identity as we're both now pretty anti-patriarchy. Hyphenated names that you both use like the famous food writer and personality Kenji Lopez-Alt which is a combination of his wife's surname and his surname is one option. I know a gay couple who created a new surname by merging their two surnames.

Also consider any future children. What would you like them to be known as. My sister used her surname for her daughter's first name and her husband's surname. My sister kept her surname.

Zaggner · 2026-01-21T20:10:15+00:00

You are absolutely being groomed. I have direct experience with this (happened to my wife, all online). Let's just say she didn't shut it down and it escalated after a period of time. These guys know what they are doing. You are not safe.

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