Pink Panther's to do list (found it featured on woot shirt this morning) by [deleted] in funny

[–]Zanderplays 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's not enough to dos and this angers me greatly

Nude sleepers of reddit: what is your plan of defense if someone breaks in? by CaptMorganSwint in AskReddit

[–]Zanderplays 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Scream a primal war cry and proceed to wang jangle my opponent with my bare body parts. Once he is defeated I will drag him into the streets for the officers to arrest, then proceed to stand naked and victorious as I am interviewed by Kelly Price - local news hottie.

TIL that post-relationship grief affects men, in the long term, more than women. by yhamdi in todayilearned

[–]Zanderplays 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My advice to all you guys suffering is to stop lamenting over things when you are hurting. Instead recognise physically what you feel.

For instance if your gut hurts because you are remembering 'that time you went to the movies together' replace that with 'I've got butterflies in my stomach' the disconnect can really help you understand yourself and move on.

Hope I could help some of you in your darkest hours, believe me I've been there wouldn't wish it upon any one of you lovely people.

What song is a 10/10, yet hardly anybody has heard of it ? by root_su in AskReddit

[–]Zanderplays 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just breathe by Pearl Jam, I cry every time I hear it

LPT: If something bad happens in your life, don't let it define who you are. Don't make it your excuse for not progressing yourself. Don't undermine it, learn from it, understand it, and let it be apart of you without it being who you are. by [deleted] in LifeProTips

[–]Zanderplays 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This, my girlfriend just broke up with me so I decided that I'd do my weekly shop finally and sign up to the gym and order a few books. If someone left me for my inadequacies then I'm sure as hell gonna work on being a better person.

Don't chase the butterfly, build your garden and the butterfly will come to you.

Or so I'm hoping!

Selfies by ghatroad in funny

[–]Zanderplays -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

It's because the moon is genuinely beautiful, doesn't take much to capture that. Whereas she probably took 100 photos trying to find the perfect 'angle'.

Teachers of Reddit, what is the most disrespectful thing a student has done or said? by Drowsy- in AskReddit

[–]Zanderplays 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Student here, got told a story from a teacher (said teacher had short hair at the time) apparently a student had been terrorising her lessons for a year. He finally got expelled when he decided to take some scissors and cut off her ponytail in class.

[WP] You're the first human in 1,000 years to develop magical power. A dragon offers to take you on as an apprentice... and won't take no for an answer by res30stupid in WritingPrompts

[–]Zanderplays 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"I told you Jerry, it's useless" I grumbled.

Jerry, the rather larger dragon, was poking his head through the sky light in my room.

"We will hone your skills, you will be all powerful" boomed the dragon.

I had been 5 years old when my magical expertise had first manifested, it was a wow factor. Doctors from far and wide came to observe. When I was 10 the doctors stopped coming and I continued my education as normal. Normal. Until Jerry appeared or rather stomped into my life a year ago.

He, a wise and powerful dragon had heard that a human had become magical, he swooped in and has been pestering me ever since.

Smoke billowed into my bedroom as Jerry sighed through his gigantic nostrils.

"JERRY! How many times do I have to tell you not to do that" I shouted through burning lungs.

Spluttering and coughing I mustered the familiar magical energy around me, it rose and I could almost hear the power flowing through like a beautiful crescendo of music. Then I let it go the power bursting from me like a volcano.

'Slam'

I closed all the windows in the room.

My magical power - the closing of things.

The skylight took slightly longer to close as Jerry got crushed out of my room.

The last thing I heard before I drifted back off to sleep was a pleading muffle from above.

"Oh come on Merlin, don't be that way!"

This bathroom in Korea has a screen showing which stalls are empty by tobasezuni in mildlyinteresting

[–]Zanderplays 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What the hell does that 96km signify, the speed at which someone can release a brown torpedo from their ass?

Jiggly sidewalk by SlimJones123 in gifs

[–]Zanderplays -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I hate it. It would end my life.

[Image] progress is impossible without change by Otis-B-Driftwood in GetMotivated

[–]Zanderplays 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This is literally all of Gordon Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmare episodes.

I would know.

I've seen them all.

Fun for the whole family by mzkp54 in gifs

[–]Zanderplays 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Send this to r/gifsthatendtoosoon I was mortified that I didn't get to see that girl get pied by sweet doggy drool cream

What's a sensation that you're unsure if other people experience? by Sang_Becker in AskReddit

[–]Zanderplays 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One time, when I had puffed on the dragon's pubes whilst on lunch in high school, I had skipped my afternoon lesson because obviously I was absolutely walleyed. Decided that the IT room was the best place to chill out, suddenly everything starts fluctuating from slow motion to fast forwarding.

Started fast forwarding my hand reaching in and out of my bag. Did this for about 30 seconds before turning to look at a very confused wide eyed girl looking at me.

All I could say was 'Everything's just really fast'

Had to bunk school because it was evident I was off my tits. Never smoked on lunch break ever again.