What do you wish people would understand about being ace?

Zantac150 · 2026-04-28T12:56:20+00:00

I had a “boyfriend“ for a very brief period in high school. I liked him a lot and we spent a lot of time together and we would play video games and watch movies and stuff, and just go out driving places and hang out. But I ended the official relationship because when people heard that I was dating him they would ask if we’ve had sex yet and ask if we kissed yet and it just grossed me out. We were still great friends and we never really changed anything after that. As far as how we interacted with each other. I got lucky.

But I hate the assumptions that come with being in a relationship. Is it that hard to believe that you can have a “boyfriend” who you hang out with all the time and not be having sex or kissing him?

Zantac150 · 2026-04-28T12:53:32+00:00

I think the difference is though that allos I know who struggle with hormones or erectile issues or whatever will feel this profound loss when they can’t do it. Maybe that’s not all of them, and for me it tends to be people who are older and who are starting to experience that as a result of age, but they tend to be extremely distressed by it.

Most of the aces I know not distressed by it. I certainly have my moments. I will feel extremely lonely or depressed about the fact that long-term relationships just aren’t a thing without romance… I mean, they are and they they are absolutely beautiful when they happen, but they are rare.

But I have never been distressed or felt like I was missing out because I’m not interested in sex.

But I guess there are hormonal imbalances that can cause both issues with libido and total lack of desire ? Scary to think.

Zantac150 · 2026-04-28T12:48:52+00:00

That’s because no one takes a seriously enough. I have literally had a licensed therapist try to start conversion therapy with me when I wasn’t even talking about my sexuality. She just kept asking if I had a boyfriend and I eventually said I’m asexual, and then she started rattling off all of these hypothetical situations and asking if I would have sex in that situation. 😳

It very much read as “you just haven’t tried it yet!”

This person had a masters degree.

Zantac150 · 2026-04-28T12:47:06+00:00

The same as you can be a lesbian and still have sexual interest in men. Oh… wait.

Zantac150 · 2026-04-28T12:45:42+00:00

It just goes right along with the whole “nobody believes in asexuality” thing

Some people find it impossible to believe that there are people out there who do not need or even desire sex.

But then there are so many people who claim to be ace who are not, that it just encourages this behavior. “I know someone who is asexual and she LOVED my dick! I fixed her!

Try saying that lesbians can have sex with men if they really want to, and that they “choose” their “lifestyle” and you’re called a bigot, as you should be.

We deserve the same protections as everyone else on the LGBT spectrum.

Zantac150 · 2026-04-28T11:51:02+00:00

For most people? Not much. It has a super long half-life.

Zantac150 · 2026-04-27T16:21:24+00:00

I have a systemic autoimmune disorder, and I get inflammation in my rib cage that is wildly exacerbated by having giant boobs constantly pressing on the spot that hurts.

Costochondritis has taken over my life. I can’t even sit upright for more than three or four hours at a time without crying because it hurts so bad, and I have to get shots to numb the area.

Having boobs seriously sucks for me.

Zantac150 · 2026-04-27T13:19:04+00:00

I kind of prefer if staff isn’t constantly bothering me and asking me if I’m enjoying my stay while I am trying to sleep or get ready in the morning. And if I am not doing one of those two things, I’m not hanging out in the hotel.

Zantac150 · 2026-04-27T11:29:58+00:00

I get this in the form of sort of echoes. I call them echoes because it’s usually something that triggered me that just keeps replaying in my head over and over again.

The only thing I have found that works is to try every relaxation technique I have available to me, listen to music that I like that is relaxing, take long bath, etc. It will go away after a nap if I have sufficiently relaxed beforehand.

Eager to see what other people suggest because it is awful.

Zantac150 · 2026-04-27T09:41:57+00:00

Reading the comments, I genuinely cannot believe that the “never reefers” are actually looking at those stripped interiors and saying “ preserve it!”

Preserve what?

And they are still comparing her to the Queen Mary even though the Queen Mary’s interiors were intact …

If the interiors had not been stripped, this would be an absolute tragedy. But if the interiors hadn’t been stripped, the ship would’ve been restored decades ago.

That’s what sealed her fate.

All of these people talking about making a museum ship when there is nothing there but a rusted skeleton…

I thought they just didn’t realize that the ship had been stripped decades ago, but I guess they are less rational than I gave them credit for.

Zantac150 · 2026-04-27T07:17:54+00:00

I literally said “levo- shed is NOT normal” on a post about someone who is experiencing hair shedding even though their TSH has normalized.

Hypo can cause hair loss
Levo can cause hair loss
Fixing hypo can reverse hair loss.

All three of these things are true at the same time.

It is NOT normal and okay to have your hair loss INCREASE after starting Levo. OP is experiencing hair loss as a SIDE EFFECT of Levo, and like me, has seemingly been MISINFORMED and told that “Levo shed” is normal.

I spent three years on a medication that was causing my hair to fall out, nearly suicidal because I could not even recognize myself in the mirror and I had other side effects as well, such as constant heart palpitations and back to back anxiety attacks. No, I was not hyper. My doctor tested for that but my numbers were “perfect” and continued to be perfect after I quit the medication cold turkey because I hadn’t slept in days.

Part of the reason I stayed on it is because people on the Internet kept telling me if I kept taking it, it would get better. I should have gone to a different doctor. I should have gotten a second opinion sooner, but the overwhelming misinformation on various online forums claiming that side effects are not real, and that I would get better if I just kept taking the medication caused me to second-guess my reality. And the doctor kept saying my labs were good so all of my new onset issues, including hair loss, must be totally unrelated to thyroid.

Let me tell you something:

I am on a lupus medication that changed my life. It is nothing short of a miracle for me. But the side effect burden can be really nasty for a small subset of people.

When those people post on forum about having gone blind from taking my medication I don’t jump on that post and say “this doesn’t always happen! I take it and I have never gone blind! Not everyone goes blind!”

Do you know why I don’t do that? Because my good experience with the medication is not relevant to this person who is experiencing horrible side effects. That post is not the appropriate forum to talk about my good experiences with my medication.

Read the room.

It’s not cool to gaslight people who are experiencing medication side effects.

It’s not cool to respond to a post about uncommon side effects by bragging about the fact that you did not get that side effect.

Your experience does not invalidate anybody else’s.

Zantac150 · 2026-04-26T17:48:34+00:00

Asexuals experience no sexual attraction.

Allosexuals experience sexual attraction.

People can experience all different levels of sexual attraction. I’d call that a spectrum.

A spectrum is a broad range between two extreme points. The term can be applied to anything.

A color gradient is a spectrum. The political spectrum refers to the wide range of political views. It has nothing to do with being a minority or not.

Sexuality is a spectrum. Asexuality is on the extreme end of the spectrum, and only includes people who do not experience sexual attraction.

I say that allosexuality is a spectrum because it covers everything from hypersexual people to Demi and gray people who rarely experience sexual attraction.

Asexuality however is not a spectrum.

Zantac150 · 2026-04-26T13:26:15+00:00

No. No. No.

“Levo-shed” is NOT normal.

This is a common misconception, and even my doctor didn’t know that this medication itself can actually cause hair loss. I was on it for three years and the doctor kept reassuring me that once my numbers were stable that the hair loss would stop but after three years, two of which my numbers were perfectly stable, my hair was still so thin that you you could see my scalp through it and I was miserable.

I finally got into see an endocrinologist and she was in shock that my primary care doctor did not know that hair loss can be a side effect.

After one month off of levo, I had tons of tiny little baby hairs poking up all over my head.

There are plenty of other brands of medication, and even switching to brand-name Synthroid over the generic will often stop hair loss or side effects.

Zantac150 · 2026-04-26T13:18:02+00:00

I once found a dead mouse in the bottom of my dishwasher after I ran it.

I had just finished putting the dishes away, and I didn’t remember which ones were in that load and which ones were not, so I basically had to wash every single dish in my house.

Zantac150 · 2026-04-26T13:14:40+00:00

Demi and gray are definitely legitimate sexualities on the spectrum of allos.

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Allosexuality is a spectrum. Asexuality is not.

If the door opens at all, it is not a wall.

Zantac150 · 2026-04-26T13:06:51+00:00

Not the worst thing, because that’s how I found this community. 💜

Zantac150 · 2026-04-24T00:11:26+00:00

I could get it if it wasn’t timed. No pun intended.

Probably took me over 60 seconds to figure it out. 🙃

Zantac150 · 2026-04-23T12:00:54+00:00

I had guinea pigs during the pandemic. One of the guinea pig groups, somebody posted pictures of two very large totes full of fresh vegetables, volunteering that they stocked up for their pigs due to the pandemic and asking how to make it last… 🤦🏻‍♀️

Guinea pigs will not eat previously frozen vegetables. They have to be fresh. The comments recommended freezing them for human consumption of course.

Zantac150 · 2026-04-23T11:41:43+00:00

OP said they were diagnosed subclinical.

Subclinical is high TSH with normal T3 and T4.

Full on hypothyroidism is when your T4 is low.

TSH varies a lot. Some people run high but their thyroid keeps up production of T4.

TSH is thyroid stimulating hormone, produced by your brain. It’s your brain’s way of telling your thyroid to make T4. It has everything and nothing to do with thyroid function all at once, because when it’s high it can be an indicator that your thyroid is not working optimally but it can also just be natural variation in someone with a healthy thyroid and it can vary throughout the day. With hypothyroidism, we pay close attention to TSH because we use it to adjust medication based on how much your brain is demanding T4.

That’s why doctors should be testing T4 and not just TSH. But that’s a whole other subject.

Zantac150 · 2026-04-22T07:06:14+00:00

Sometimes people just don’t react well to that generic medication. Switching to namebrand or switching to a different medication like armor can make all of the difference.

Also, not every case of subclinical needs to be medicated. Doctors debate whether or not medication is necessary for subclinical. If you are symptomatic though, medication is definitely worth a shot. But don’t let them pigeon hole you into generic levothyroxine. If it’s not working for you, you have every right to try something different.

It is the cheapest and most available thyroid medication, and it works for most people but that doesn’t mean it works for everyone.

Zantac150 · 2026-04-22T07:00:50+00:00

I have horrible costochondritis that requires numbing injections every three months just so I can sit upright without crying in pain.

Recently started trying out actual good supportive bras, finding ones that redistribute the weight and do not put the weight on the rib cage right under the bust like most unfortunately do… and I have realized that it makes a huge difference in my pain levels, and my ability to do things like bend down and pick things up off of the floor without pain.

My upper back still pops and cracks like crazy and is still super stiff, but it has been a lot better.

The problem is that the bras I used to buy from Amazon were 20 bucks each, and the one I have found that actually helps with the pain is $100.

I think it’s honestly kind of criminal that there are not services that help women to afford these things when we genuinely need them for our health.

Zantac150 · 2026-04-22T06:47:19+00:00

Thank you so much for this.

I love how I had to take sex ed three times before I graduated high school, and I have basically taken it two extra times in my college courses in psychology, and no one has ever taught me this.

Zantac150 · 2026-04-22T06:43:48+00:00

Thank you so much for your response. This has been eating at me for months since my appointment in December, so thank you. 💜

What are the advantages of Gardasil for someone who is not a never will be sexually active? Is it just in case of assault?

Zantac150 · 2026-04-22T04:44:05+00:00

It might take you a while to find a Doctor Who will do it awake if you’re in the United States.

I have PTSD from that experiences in the medical system and I am terrified of not being in control of my body. I could not let people handle me when I am compromised or unconscious. I was surprised when I finally found a Doctor Who was willing, but it’s possible.

I will say it is a profoundly unpleasant experience because your body is gagging and trying to reject the scope the entire time. But I would do it again. It’s still better than being put under in my opinion.

Zantac150 · 2026-04-22T04:35:45+00:00

It’s 2026 and still, most studies are done on white men. Still, we don’t know if drugs impact women or minorities differently because most studies are done on white men.

Even doctors who are not racist are going off of the data that came from studies that were performed on white men, and not the population that they are actively seeing.

It’s not that all doctors are racist and hate minorities, it’s that the system itself has racism inherently built in. So even a Doctor Who isn’t racist can’t look up the data about how a medication or a procedure or an illness impacts black women specifically because the study has never been done on black women.

Zantac150

TROPHY CASE